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Having the urge to send a mean text

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#1 Nov 28 - 7PM
Victim-no-more
Victim-no-more's picture

Having the urge to send a mean text

But I'm posting here instead. My gut tells me he is back with ow. It is cold and supposed to snow here tonight, he has no car and takes the bus to work. I want to tell him I hate his guts and that I hope his d#ck freezes into an icicle and gets frostbite and rots off. This among.was hoovering the crap outa me and after I talked to him on the phone few wks ago and fed the vampire. He doesn't even realize I hate him after that because I was not mean I was actually civil. But he has vanished and I just know he's back with that girl. They always get the supply when they seek it, its not fair! I want them to long for supply until they go into fits of withdrawal! Maybe then they would experience a fraction of the pain they cause others. I hate him. I'm a good person all I wanted was love and I got kicked in the face......him saying how grateful he is to me for all I've done, yeah right you have shown your gratitude over and over with your effin silent treatments. I hope karma comes quickly. I'm pissed and have been all day. I just needed to vent.

Nov 29 - 7AM
Hermes
Hermes's picture

VNM

So sorry you are feeling this pain, and enduring the sense of helplessness. You are lucky that he has vanished, and hopefully he will stay away forever. You deserve a lot better than this pain and suffering. Just a thought. It is impossible to change another person, nor should one attempt it. It is wonderful to love someone, but love can't change another either. Any changes an adult wants to make must be made by their own decision. Of course, in an N-tanglement, love doesn't even enter the equation, given that the NPD don't know what love is. Take care Hermes
Nov 29 - 7AM
empath
empath's picture

VNM, don't break NC

When you break NC, you are in essence expressing doubt with your decision to rid yourself of this toxic N. Breaking NC shows them that you are hurt, angry, confused...and looking to them to give you validation, a sincere apology or closure....which you will never get from an N. There are so many reasons why we are tempted to break NC, and what I have learned along the way here is that none of those reasons have anything to with love, or even with the N...they have everything to do with us, and with our own egos. You are strong and doing the right thing by coming here....you know in your heart and mind and soul that you deserve better than what you had with the N and I hope that you will stay strong and not break NC, because as Hunter says so efficiently... CONTACT = PAIN. There are no exceptions, and no happy endings with Ns. OW are truly irrelevant. Please don't dwell on what you feel you've lost, look forward instead to what you have to gain. With that N out of your life, and you being committed to your own healing, you now have the chance to be the happy and peaceful person that you are meant to be by design. Breaking NC will cause pain. If you have not had enough pain to really solidify your decision to go NC, then breaking NC will provide you with that pain. After testing this out for myself, I wish I had....and wish all the newbies here....would just take a leap of faith and believe that this is true, and spare another round of abuse. Staying NC allows you to retain your dignity, and protects you from the N knowing and exploiting your vulnerabilities, it puts up a big shield that says "no more" and turns every bit of their abuse back on them. As time goes by, you will understand more and more about how powerful NC is. I cannot think of anything that is more difficult for an empathic person to do, than to close off emotionally to someone you have feelings for....yet it is the only way to heal yourself, and compassion and love begin with you first. Be good to yourself and stay NC.
Nov 28 - 9PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

I love what DS said, whether

I love what DS said, whether he rides a bus or drives a Mercedes.............so very true. As far as being with the OW, that doesn't matter either. What matters is you, your healing, and staying NC. So yes, come here, vent, get it out here. Because here, we listen, we care, we want to help. The N can't give you any of these things, just false hopes. Stay strong! You can do it!
Nov 28 - 7PM
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Whoever they are with will be

Whoever they are with will be in relationship with a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, a shitty deal for the new supply, who now thinks she is so lucky to have found the man of her dreams, soon to be the nightmare that takes the bus to work. An assclown is an assclown in a bus or in a Mercedes. Stay connected here and vent it out here. Don't give them a thing as it feeds the disease, supply chain needs to be severed. BE DONE SOURCING!!! ds
Nov 28 - 7PM
Anari
Anari's picture

Dont. I was there yesterday.

Dont. I was there yesterday. Vent on here. Stick to this forum. The feeling will pass. DO NOT.
Nov 28 - 7PM (Reply to #7)
Victim-no-more
Victim-no-more's picture

I won't I'm just reliving

I won't I'm just reliving some hurtful shit. Please oblige me I have never been able to admit what I put up with I feel I need to cleanse myself. these were things i tolerated: buying him an air mattress so he wouldn't have to sleep ima wood floor, his response and thank you was: "I will have that busted in a week". Once I went into his bedroom with him...there were about five empty condom wrappers on the floor, when he saw my expression, he laughed. After I bought him a plane ticket because he was stranded across the country, he came back and spent the night with me and then...vanished for 3 wks...drugging, whoring,you name it. I could go on and. on.but when he turned into charmer again, he had me eating out of the palm of his hand.he played me like a fiddle.I still can't believe this went on two years. I just wrote on my dry erase board in my kitchen: "I deserve more than the crumbs of a sociopath".I know I do
Nov 28 - 9PM (Reply to #8)
Victim-no-more
Victim-no-more's picture

I feel so much shame knowing

I feel so much shame knowing I allowed him to use me and I stuck around knowing I was being used....I rationalized, he can't help it he is sicky because he grew up in a very neglectful environment and what's sick is I still feel sorry for him because he had shit for parents. I thought my love would change him.
Nov 28 - 7PM
faith_
faith_'s picture

Good for you for getting out

Good for you for getting it out here, Victim-no-more. Yes, your words would be wasted on him, and no point in putting yourself through more pain by seeking any remorse or anything from him. Seriously, do these people feel Bad? My ex got depressed, but THAT doesn't even change them... He truly doesn't deserve any of you. Stay strong, to protect yourself from hoover attempts.
Nov 28 - 7PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Remember Contact = Pain.. Yes

Remember Contact = Pain.. Yes tell us not him.. In fact you'll get a response from us .. He will dish off the abusive silent treatment.. Which will make you feel worse.. He's not worth it.. Let her have him.. Hunter
Nov 28 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
Anari
Anari's picture

Why though? Isn't easier for

Why though? Isn't easier for them to retaliate back with gruesome remarks? She should defenetly not text but I wonder why the narc finds silent treatment more abusive than hurtful words
Nov 29 - 7AM (Reply to #3)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Why?? Because silence is

Why?? Because silence is abusive treatment.. Especially when you tell them what you think of them.. If you text something like " how are YOU, I hope YOU are well" you will get a response.. If you say " I miss you "" silence.. "Fuck You" silence ... It's all about them and when it's about them you get a response... telling them off ... Is your problem.. They have done nothing wrong .. Telling them off reflects you as the crazy one, now they have proof in writing.. it's not worth their time.. And by doing so you fed the ego , they get off as a mission accomplished.. It's sick and twisted.. But that's how they think.. Hunter
Nov 29 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
empath
empath's picture

Hunter

Thank you so much for his. As simple as it seems to grasp the backwards Narcspeak, I wasn't really getting it. Now I understand a bit more about what the N is really saying to me, in his Hoover attempts. Its been one week Hoover free for me, and with his birthday coming up in a few days and more winter holidays to get through, I am not expecting that to be the last of it. As much as I would presume he is too prideful and too occupied with OW to bother with me, I am aware that he more likely thinks I am eventually going to cave in and respond to him, although I have no intentions of doing so. I get upset when I read posts here from people wishing the N "cared" enough to Hoover them...I see that behavior now as an insult, as a normal person would accept your decision to end the relationship and would not persist in trying to bust up your boundaries even further than they already have. Hoovering is disrespect, not a testament to your uniqueness or specialness or irreplaceability or unforgettableness. Why would you be unique, special, irreplaceable or unforgettable to the N now when you know you never ever were before? NC is peace and healing.