Having Flashbacks - Rewriting the history now that I know what was REALLY going on (Married to a Psychopath)

All the cognitive dissonance is getting reshuffled. I am rewriting history with the knowledge of what happened to me. What REALLY happened. Not what the Psychopath gaslighted me with.

Flashbacks highlights:

1. How he isolated me with the "Abreva's Crazy" Game and isolated me from my life and loves -- namely telling me that I couldn't travel because the time change would disrupt my brain and I'd have an mood episode as a result of ....

Are you getting how INSANE that story is?????? GEEEEEEZZZZZZ. Needless to say, I'll be getting on a plane and, Lord Help Me, going to a different time zone where, Lord Help Me, I will be in a very new and different and exciting situation and, Lord Help Me, I will be quite stimulated, and Oh My Gosh I Hope I Don't Crumble -Save me oh Psychopath from Myself my hero!- How on EARTH will I ever Live Through IT!??? I mean, what if I go CRAZY??? Wait. Wait. I just survived the hell of escaping a torturous marriage, braved the possible loss of my children in an epic custody battle, braved Financial abuse, etc. etc. etc. And, I have NO mental illness -- I never did. I had a PSYCHOPATHIC SOCIOPATHIC HUSBAND WHO PSYCHOLOGICALLY TORTURED ME. THAT was my "mood disorder". I think I'll be JUST fine.

2. How happy he was when I obliged him by going on a stimulant. Which he suggested to my psychiatrist that "we" try. And here's the deal. I took it. Then, while under the immediate influence of this drug, I went with him and agreed to spend lots of money on brand new furniture -- for which he rewarded me with an expensive handbag. He drugged me, and I became this compliant girl. Yes, my hero! Let's go run around and buy expensive things! Yes, my hero, thank you for buying me that expensive handbag that I would not have purchased because IT WAS IRRESPONSIBLE TO DO SO. Drug me so that you can wildly spend money you don't have. Oh, you are a winner. Oh HE WAS IN HEAVEN. He was a happy happy puppy. SICK.

3. I totally had forgotten how he would stay out all night. LITERALLY all night. Mr. Socially Responsible. Mr. Upstanding. Yeah. He did it over and over and over. I told him it wasn't okay. NOT OKAY. He practically LAUGHED in my face. HE LOVED IT. Oh, how DARE I even be CONCERNED that he was OUT ALL NIGHT. After all, he was just at the office WORKING. He liked being at the office because he could play his music LOUDLY. And he's such an hardworking FAMILY MAN that he prefers to work all night so that he can SPEND TIME WITH HIS FAMILY. (huh?) Oh blah blah blah. Dr. Psychopath YOU ARE AN IDIOT. And, I stood up to him about it. I told him NO. And he LOVED it! He LOVED that he could essentially spit in my face, and that I could do NOTHING to control his out of control behavior. What a gem! What a gent! Oh, what his new wife has to look forward to. I had totally forgotten about the staying out all night. Hysterical!

* I highly recommend the 6 week group session with Goldie.

Dear Abreva's Brain, you just keep re-filing all this information in the CORRECT files. You are doing a great job. Everything is going to be just fine. Thank you for all your effort. Love, Abreva

* Can you tell that I've reached the point in my recovery where I am LAUGHING a lot???? Because I am. This stuff is a RIOT. Jeez!

"My religion is 'Get over it,'" says Ephron. "And I was raised in that religion. That was the religion of my home — my mother saying, 'Everything is copy; everything is material; someday you will think this is funny.' My parents never said, 'Oh you poor thing.' It was work through it, get to the other side, turn it into something. And it worked with me." - Nora Ephron