havent been here in awhile.....

Put those breaks on hard and fast. This is your body, mind and soul sending out a signal that something is not quite right inside. It is too soon. You have not given yourself time to recover from the damage created in this previous relationship and you are only setting yourself up for further destruction if you dont hit those breaks immediately. Listen to your friends here rainbow. Their words and wisdom carry a priceless message. Welcome home too... :):) only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

I did the same, I dated too early again, a great nice guy. As much as I wanted it to work, I really tried my best, it didnt work out, he opt out, because I was a HUGE RED FLAG to HIM. And though the way he let me know he was done with me, was passive agressive and not direct as I wanted it to be in a mature way, I dont blame him. He was right to do so. Dont blame yourself though, you cannot shorten up the process after the Narc. Its impossible, I tried it, I was happy as you, as long I was with him, but when I was alone, I started again to obsess about the narc, missed him, cried...and thought I will never love again. You can do the following thing, be honest with this guy, he might is willing to give you the time you need now, I explained it to the nice guy, he didnt want to wait though, he tried, but he just couldnt. So be honest and authentic with yourself and HIm as well. HUGS!

We don't get over a Narc even by getting into a relationship with a GOOD man. If we go from a Narc right into the arms of a GOOD man, we are bringing in a ton of baggage and this poor good man will have to deal with it. That's not fair to him. He shouldn't have to be your Daddy or your therapist. He deserves a whole and strong woman, not a broken down version. NO ONE likes this, especially me, but the damage done after a Narc relationship is real, and it will last long after the relationship is over. Getting therapy and involved in a support group or community will speed that process up. But it's still there, it's a reality. Not something you can just skip over. The Narc came to us with MASSIVE baggage, and it was dumped on us. That's what we are doing to the new guy, if we don't get reasonably healthy and well before we start another relationship. It's not a new guy's JOB to heal our broken hearts. That is too much to ask. We are adults here. We should be responsible for our "damage" and take care of it so we don't foist it off on some poor unassuming fellow. Men don't exist to take care of us ladies. They have their own lives to take care of. And chances are, a man attracted to a damsel in distress is not a hero, he's probably another Narc. To a mature and good man, a damsel in distress is a turn off. This is life, not a fairy tale. I mean this for everyone, not just you Rainbow, not just singling you out here hon. It's such a common thing, though, for all of us. It's a pitfall. I don't think you should stop dating him at all. But you have some WORK to do on yourself. If you love him, you will get well so you can be a whole, mature woman for him. And if he loves you, he will respect that. There's no big hurry. And if there IS a "big hurry", then that is a red flag. Coming from either one of you, it is a red flag. Focus on yourself, work on yourself and enjoy him. And for gosh sakes, it is cruel to continue to see the Narc while you are seeing him, don't you think? Even more reason for you to take a long hard look and focus on healing :)

Oh Rainbow you made me so sad :( !!! I hoped you will give us happy update about your current situation. I had similar experience yes..but i think it only means you are not ready for meeting anybody yet. And i think you should not meet anybody as long as you do not feel that this is what you are ready for and you really want. First of all work on yourself Rainbow, put a lot of work to get over the past. Go out with people, enjoy and keep NC with exN. After few months you will be ready. Of course i do not want to say that you should not meet this guy, you know the best deep in your heart what is best for you. You know the reason why you are dating him and if he really attracts you or you only look for somebody to help you forget. Be strong Rainbow. And as long as you will not feel happiness in your heart stay on the board. At least read it everyday. I hope your full recovery will come soon!!! xoxo

But your crying after meeting the new man is a blatant sign you're not ready. After what you've been through with a Narc...there is no just jump into dating and I'll forget all about him. You need time to process, heal, grow and fine tune what you want out of a relationship, AND figure out who you are. Emptiness cannot be your guide. If it were me, I'd cool it but it is really up to you. You can do the work now, or do it later, regardless, the work will have to be done or you can expect more of the same, just different packaging, and with each trauma, the wound is deeper. Your choice.

I would also have to say that it's a sign of moving ahead too soon. I had some of the same experiences, but with a male friend of mine. He was kind and comforting and just plain "nice". It made me cry to be treated so normally, you know, the way people SHOULD be treated all of the time. It's a huge swing from being treated poorly by someone you love to being treated normally by someone who you like only as a friend. I can only imagine how exponentially the impact would grow if I had a romantic interest in him or was in a dating situation. You need time to "neutralize", for lack of a better word, to experience and establish some sense of who you are without the requirements of trying to keep a narc happy. This takes time, often a lot of it. It would be great if we could all just magically move on to what we think is healthy and normal, but that's just not how it works, at least not without serious repercussions that either hurt yourself or the person you are trying to be "normal" with.

I think you are dating AGAIN way TOO SOON, espically since you have not even left your Narc for any long period of time, that is why you cannot move on until you stop seeing your narc, spend a good period of time by yourself, get to know yourself again a nd then begin to slowly date again, you have no where near recovered...my opinion everyone is different but I spent close to 2 years trying to recover from my EXN and there is no way I could have dated someone else and not break down or just feel plain weird.

I, too, haven't been posting on this site lately, however, I've been reading it every day and trying to keep up with the information offered by all. I haven't seen the N for 6 months but when I read your post, I related so much! I find myself having a wonderful evening with the new man that I've been very slowly dating and then I either break down in uncontrollable tears when I get home or feel down the next day. It's troubling when you know that you really did have a good time and like this man, and then out of the blue these tears come. I've spoken to a couple people about this and they are convinced they are tears of recognition that I'm actually with a normal man and I have trouble dealing with normalcy after such a previously deceitful relationship with the N. And, when we are with another man it would be a trigger for what it was like being with a 'man' in many ways. I hadn't dated for 5 months and this caught me by surprise, too!