Have any of you had this happen?

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#1 Jul 20 - 9PM
Better than ever
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Have any of you had this happen?

Have any of you had this happen? You spend a significant time in a relationship, your birthday comes along and your Narc treats it like a non-event. Perhaps not even getting you a gift? I had this happen to me two years in a row. The first year we went to a Bed & Breakfast, so I guess (according to him) that was my gift....Ok, I understand that one....The second year I received nothing but an explanation that he had something in mind but couldn't afford it....BTW, he has a good job.

Now when it's his daughter's birthday or Christmas, hundreds of dollars and steady preparation is made to accomodate......Does any of this sound familiar???

Jul 25 - 10PM
ifinallygotit
ifinallygotit's picture

mine did not give gifts

but liked getting them as long as no strings attached - he was very polite and liked all his gifts and was fun to give things to - very child like and happy go lucky unless pressed to be accountable, loyal, responsible, or reliable. I am amazed I accepted this as a "relationship".... I posted before that he finally started to acknowledge my birthdays after about 5 or 6 years of nothing. i pointed it out to him directly and asked why he made a big deal about everyone's birthday except mine (big celebrations for his family and his guy friends) when I was his GF. After that he started to spend my birthday with me every year doing me favors and chores but still no gifts or nice dinners - so weird. Yes he was not rich but he cooked fabulous meals for the others and had parties for them (he cooked me great meals too EXCEPT on my birthday). Before him , every man I was ever close to took me OUT to a NICE restaurant on my birthday - whether they were rich or poor - that is what normal BFs do. Narc would wash my car, fix stuff and PICK flowers for me from his yard - ok that was kind of sweet, but c'mon we are in our 50's not 10. This guy used to make over 500K a year... he knows better....but you are right, GFs bdays are really a chore for them to get over with asap. If they do anything for you i think it is just so you won't break up with them (maintain supply with least effort). Mine always spent Valentines Day with me but made no special effort - he was the gift...I brought flowers to his house once (gross, I know) for him to share with his sick sister on vlaentines day and I had to make him share them with her. He was TOTALLY COMFORTABLE accepting the flowers for himself! so weird
Jul 25 - 9PM
Alice in Wonderland
Alice in Wonderland's picture

Definitely sounds familiar

Mine used to buy gifts for no reason at the beginning,then descended into not wanting to pay even for cheese etc! My last birthday,the week before,we went out to a show he wanted to see. After the show i started talking about my birthday and he said "oh i could've bought you that ticket for your birthday"......he hadn't given it a thought but was planning an elaborate gift for his friend's wedding (that would make him look good!!!)!!! I ended up with a lovely present of a d&d and a cold fb wall message saying "have a good day"......during which,i later found out from a photo,he was in a pool in the Caribbean with another woman sharing a swimming ring thing!!! Money rules all to them it seems!!! Unless it's to make them look good in front of their friends!!! xoxo
Jul 25 - 2PM
deecbee
deecbee's picture

YES!!! From my time on this

YES!!! From my time on this site, I've learned that ignoring holidays, birthdays, and special occasions is VERY typical of a Narc. The most I ever got from him was an E-Card! Most of the time he didn't even acknowledge/remember my birthday, valentine's day, etc. Anything that draws the attention away from them is not even worth considering in their eyes. But when it comes to THEIR birthday? Forget it. All focus must be on them and they expect big things. The x-N's birthday happened to fall on Father's Day this year. His OW spent the day having a picnic with her family and the Narc was FUMING that the father had nerve to demand that his daughter spend his day with him rather than her new boyfriend on his birthday. Can you believe that??? A woman is supposed to choose her new boyfriend over her father on FATHER'S DAY of all days! Nevermind she had already taken him out the previous night!
Jul 25 - 11AM
reallyconfused
reallyconfused's picture

He said he had two surprises

He said he had two surprises for me and a concert. The day of my bday comes along and he sends me a text. He didnt call me until 11pm that night because I made it known I wasn't too happy. He said he had been working all day. He didnt even ask me about my day or anything. He said we would go out the next night and when that came along he told me he was too tired to go out and that I should just go home.
Jul 21 - 7AM
spinning
spinning's picture

It got to be a dreaded

experience... my birthday. He managed to F up every one of them by creating some sort of drama the day or so before. It was an excuse for not giving me a present or postponing any type of "promised" celebration. Narcs are notorious for being the WORLD'S WORST GIFT GIVERS. There have been many threads on this board--some of which are hilarios because of the stupid crap they give as so-called gifts--about this. It is a common thread. Hey, I just realized there is something they're good at: Being the WORST!!! Love and light and good vibes for strength and clarity to you, BTE, and all who stop here from, (not) spinning. NEVER EVER AGAIN. I REJECT ALL CHAOS AND DESTRUCTION. I REJECT ALL REJECTS!!!

spinning

Jul 25 - 2PM (Reply to #13)
mystwoman
mystwoman's picture

I got so I dreaded my

I got so I dreaded my birthday's, too. Xnh loved to find some way to make me cry on my birthday or otherwise screw it up for me. He would either "forget" to get me a gift, or he would take me out to pick something for myself AFTER my birthday. When he did this, he frequently "forgot" his wallet so I got to pay for it myself, and then he'd "forget" that he'd told me he was going to pay me back. Either that or he'd outright lie that he'd ALREADY paid me back. If I said something to him later, then *I* was just such a nasty person for saying anything to him about it. However it worked out, I got burned. The second to last birthday I was with xnh, I told him that I wanted to go out to eat at a nice restaurant that I knew EVERYONE in the household liked (specifically meaning his picky, Pre-Madonna kids), and I picked out a movie that I wanted to see, but that all of us would like. His oldest hideous P daughter deliberately started acting like she had a hot poker shoved up her butt, when she found out that SHE wasn't making all of the plans for MY birthday, and when it finally came time to go see the movie that *I* chose, she started acting so sick that you'd have thought she was on death's doorstep. Incidentally, xnh's hideous P daughter ALWAYS "got sick" whenever she might have to do something that she didn't choose. For her, "getting sick" was standard operating procedure. Xnh threw a fit, started screaming at me, and told me that we WERE going home because his "child" (16 years old) was sick, and that *I* wasn't going to impact her just because it was supposed to be MY birthday. He told me that he has "OTHER" priorities than just ME. Actually ANY priority was higher than me, and by this time in our relationship, I damned well knew it. On the way home, this same terminally ill "child" bullied xnh until she got him to stop for ice cream like SHE wanted to do. Her recovery (after she'd destroyed my birthday plans) was so miraculous that you'd have thought Jesus Christ came up a touched her on the forehead. It was a M-I-R-A-C-L-E!! Barf. The final birthday I was with xnh, he called me from his work phone to say that he was going to be VERY late, and wouldn't "be able" to take me out for my birthday. This was AFTER I'd already canceled plans to be with my own family, because xnh had thrown a fit about how badly HE wanted celebrate my birthday alone with JUST me. My family lives about 100 miles from my house. Therefore, I sat home ALONE all day on my 50th birthday. By the time, xnh finally wandered home, everything was closed and it was too late to actually do anything...plus, he said he was "tired from working so hard". I got no cake, no card, no phone calls, no gifts. Nothing, except from own family. Later when I got xnh's cell phone bill, I DID get to see that he'd spent almost all of my birthday afternoon talking on the phone with what I found out later was OW. He was cheating on me. What a great birthday "gift"! Then when xnh dumped me about a month later, he had all of the unmitigated gall to tell me that I "KNEW he'd always been a 'good' husband to me." Spoken from the mouth of a true lying, cheating, abusive sack of shit, IMO. If xnh was a "good" husband, I'd hate to ever see a "bad" one. rofl. All that I can say now is that my two birthdays that I've celebrated WITHOUT xnh and his ilk have been very happy, pleasant days for me. I spend them with my friend and family, and they actually act like they want to be with me...just because I'm me. Thank GOD I'm rid of xnh. My life is HAPPY now. :)

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

Jul 21 - 6AM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Yes

Birthdays, not a call, not a gift, (we were together "going to build a life together" ) valentine's day same thing...Easter, Christmas, they are shady..they are horrible,,,
Jul 21 - 5AM
Reddley
Reddley's picture

Yep

We really need to put a list up in one place of all the shit narcs do. Mine pulled the same shit with Christmas - I'm not celebrating Christmas ever again because my mom died on Christmas day. /sigh We had plans for New Years eve... he said nah I volunteered to work instead. So we both worked it so he wasn't alone. BEFORE his birthday I said I'd bring a cake, he told me not to because he was going to make rhubarb pie (his mom used to make him that for his birthday). So when I got there with all the food he asked where his cake was. I said you told me not to bring one, you wanted to make your pie. He got all pissie about it and after everyone left, we went to bed and he pushed me away mid-blow job because he was too tired. Bullshit, he was pouting. OH and I got dumped right before my birthday. What a douche bag! LOL I'm just laughing at this stupidity now. The more I write about this asshole, the more I wonder what the hell I was thinking.
Jul 21 - 5AM
Erali
Erali's picture

Yep!

The last birthday I had when I was "with" him I received nothing, not a phone call, not a text. The next time I ran into him I got "Happy Birthday by the way!"
Jul 21 - 12AM
Eureka
Eureka's picture

Ruined yet another birthday

I dated my N for about two years, on and off. During my birthday last year, we had plans to hang out and he told me he would take me out to eat but suddenly a few days before my birthday I could not get a hold of him. Supposedly, his "network" was out, so the surrounding area could not make/receive phone calls for a few days. A day or two after my birthday passes the network is fixed. I asked him if he is still going to take me out to eat. He told me my birthday already passed. (lame!!) This year, I had a feeling he forgot when my birthday is (but I didn't mind because he got into a huge accident and has been healing the past year, he blames his "bad memory" on his accident/meds) So I didn't expect any presents. I just asked him if we he is free that night if we can hang out. I just wanted to enjoy each others company. He agrees to hang out and yes, he did not know it was my birthday (If he did, his phone might magically stop working like last year). We ended up messing around but not having intercourse. (I'm still a technical virgin) He finishes but doesn't care that I still want to play. He thinks the tip of genitals accidentally rubbed against my area. I told him, um no it didn't. He kept asking me if I was sure, and I was sure, until he kept questioning me. His paranoia made me second guess my self. He told me we should get the morning after pill, that he saw it on TV and that we can split the cost (cheaap). I was like What?? No, I'm fine I don't need that and was not about to spend on that. Later the night, we're in the car heading back to his place, he was driving my car. He picks a fight with me because he doesn't trust me having guy friends (double standard) and I answered a question honestly to him asking me who I hung out with earlier that day (a co-ed group of long time friends, friends I knew long before I even met him) He gets mad, I get mad, then frustrated, then sad about fighting on my birthday. I cry. He is eerily cold. Anything I say he takes as an insult. He can't understand why I'm crying. Everything I say I'm feeling, he tells me, yeah well it's your fault and that I make everything about me, me, me. I sob, "My birthday is ruined." All he can say is, "Are you blaming me?" Everything about the situation seems eerie to me. My frustration turns to fear. So I tell him no I'm not blaming him. I wipe my tears and look up and realize he was taking me down a different road I was used to. Struck with fear, I asked him where was he taking me. He told me we have to go get the pill. I told him no, I'll get it tomorrow (I was lying I did not want that pill but I just wanted to go home). He turned into a pharmacy drive thru, told me to give him my ID (I went along with it because I was scared) and he gave me the pill to take. I sat there crying and shaking staring at the pill in my hand while he parked the car in a dark parking lot, telling me to just calm down and take it, it was really for my safety. I didn't believe him for a second, but I ended up taking the pill eventually because his behavior was scaring me. I didn't want to find out what he would do if I refused to take it. After, he started acting nice to me again after he got to do what he wanted, something totally not consensual one bit. He told me that couples fight all the time and that its resolved.(WTH is resolved?!) After he drove to his place, he got out and I got in the drivers side, he asked me if I would like him to call me the next day. I was still scared I told him I don't know instead of no. He was annoyed by that and told me, well tell me when you do know and shut my car door. VROOM! I sped off. Two weeks of NC later.... I had my "eureka moment"... found out about narcissism, scheduled my first appointment with a therapist...ever, and signed up for this forum. Hi guys! First post!! What did I get for my birthday this year? The emergency contraceptive pill (what every virgin wants for her birthday...pffft.), heartbreak, & ISSUES GALORE!! yaaay sigh.
Jul 20 - 11PM
dazed
dazed's picture

Zip!

On my b-day my N got me nothing. I was surprised. It wasn't the gift I was interested in. It was how she would choose to celebrate. What would she do? How big a deal would it be? We had been together almost 5 months and we supposedly were on the road to marriage. A couple of months later she did buy me a nice winter coat. It's not that she wouldn't spend money. I think it may be how she wanted me to have a certain look and she felt good about herself because she was spending on me.
Jul 20 - 11PM
rosedewittbukater
rosedewittbukater's picture

Sort of...

Mine planned what turned out to be a very nice day followed by a nice evening, however there is a BUT here. He completely ignored my wishes for where I wanted to go for dinner and instead insisted on picking out the restaurant. The meal was good but just the idea that someone (a significant other) could do something like that to someone else on a day that is supposed to be all about them really kind of rubbed me the wrong way and had me scratching my head for sure. And ladies, I didn't pick a five-star joint, okay?! He probably ended up spending about $10 less than the place I had wanted to go to. I guess it all goes back to CONTROL
Jul 21 - 12AM (Reply to #6)
Done sourcing
Done sourcing's picture

Maybe he used to fuck the

Maybe he used to fuck the busboy at the joint you wanted to go to, and was in the discard phase with him, lol
Jul 20 - 10PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

More blessed to give than receive?

The ex-Psych prof anonymously lavished chocolates&roses on me my junior year (what's ironic is that he NEVER got to know my handwriting-and I kinda knew his)... while carrying on an LDR with his future wife in LA. He didn't even put his name on it. What's weirder is that the card had an angry little boy holding a flower on it. It's like he revealed himself. An angry little boy... trapped in a middle-aged man's body. Yet he had a DIFFICULT time receiving gifts from me. I gave him (and fellow professors associated with my senior thesis) a "trinity" spice mix... because my paper was on the Trinity. Everyone appreciated it, but he was torn between giving it back (and looking like an ungrateful bastard) and not saying thank you (same as above) He tried giving it back to me, talked about his IBS&how he didn't like spices. This was after the final D&D, so I just shrugged it off.
Jul 20 - 10PM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Yep. He is a cheap, selfish,

Yep. He is a cheap, selfish, inconsiderate bastard. He will never lavish you with any gifts. As far as he is concerned..........he is his gift to you. And that is the best gift of all......(so he thinks) He also believe that you should be very very grateful. Dump him.
Jul 20 - 9PM
freaked
freaked's picture

Birthday Bash-ings

Exactly what happened to me on my birthday this year...and the last year. Last year he was away on travel and 'could not get through as phone lines were bad...'....this year... he did not even mention anything...again he was travelling.. too much of a co-incidence... yeah...he is Rich as Richie Rich... douses his girlfriend with gifts of Blackberry..iPad...jewelry..( Yup..I have snooped his chats with her)... But...I am treated like a stray cat..kicked.
Jul 20 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
ImprisonedQueen
ImprisonedQueen's picture

I haven't wrapped it yet

Funny, I was putting puzzle pieces together this afternoon and remembered both Bday and Christmas last year. For both, he talked about how he couldn't wait to give me my gift....for both, he indicated they were special and knew i would love them...for both, my hands are still empty. When he opened my gift at christmas, his reaction was less than underwhelming. I was sooooo excited to get him what I got...both collectable, both expensive, both Star Wars (yes a love of his). He had told me once how his mom got rid of all his Star Wars stuff when he was a kid and he had slowly recollected over the years. I thought for sure he'd have been thrilled. Not only with the gift, but the thought behind it. He opened it (wrapped in a way that he told me his grandparents used to) and nodded...set it aside and said it was nice. I confusedly asked him if he like it. He responded, "well, Star Wars is the perfect gift for a man who has everything. Too bad you didn't get me boxer shorts". I was crushed!!! and blamed myself for not being able to give enough. Further, he denied ever telling me about his mom getting rid of Star Wars toys or that his grandpa used to wrap presents like that....kicked too