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  5. has anyone else been financially ruined by there narc?

has anyone else been financially ruined by there narc?

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#1 Sep 29 - 10AM
Qing Yuan
Qing Yuan's picture

has anyone else been financially ruined by there narc?

I am just interseted to know, has anyone been financailly ruiend by there narc.
I was never good, with money to start with. I have had credit cards and even a few store cards from time to time in my life. BUT I have always worked, and worked my way up the hard way, and always payed my debtors every month without fail.

And now I am sitting here writing to companies to ask them to accept less than the minimum payment and I'm wondering what has happedn to me to be in this mess.

I should never never have bought a hosue with this man, let alone married him.

He is a liability. He fails at stuff and gets bored and gives up too easily.
Infact the stuff he does well get over shadowed by his inability to grow up and make right...

I ring him up and ask him when he is going to sort it out. He says 'I warned you about this time in advance' like warning me helps to pay the freaking bills....
I find out he ihas been sitting at his house writing to his brother and that he has been at his house the entire day. Menawhile I have taken out son to shcool done half a days work picked up our son, come home to receive the tesco oerder and still have to make an evening meal and do bed time...

why am I in this mess, because he is stting in his house writing a letter...

I DONT want to let this stupid bloke take me to the cleaners...
But I am worried that he just might!

Sep 29 - 3PM
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Yes

That is most of my issue!
Sep 29 - 1PM
Happy1
Happy1's picture

My narc is the reason I lost

My narc is the reason I lost my job. He expects me to pay for everything even when I have been unemployed. He gave me nothing in return. My credit was wonderful 2 years ago before I met him and now I have no credit and I'm late on every bill I have. Yes, I can relate because I am in financial ruin right now and I'm distressed about it all.
Sep 29 - 1PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

I lost everything,

I lost everything, financially, including credit. I lost my retirement, and roughly five hundred thousand dollars (most of it in a grossly over priced house I owned free and clear in So Cal). I sold my house and everything in So Cal, and went with him to a remote area in Goat Butt, North Idaho, and bought a farm. I owned all this prior to marrying him, the farm was the first thing we owned together. I never put his name on the house in So Cal. He proceeded to spend down about 160K, some on the farm, most of it on spending sprees, drugs, buying the whole house buckets of beer at the local pub, hotels, meth, crack, pounds of weed, gallons of pills. The only thing I had left when I got out was half the farm and my nursing license. I had no idea how close I was to losing THAT, because the sheriff were watching my exNarc for drug activity and considered me to be going along with it. Until I turned him in, they admitted they considered me an accomplice!! Of course they did. Many folks have lost more that that. I lost my confidence, self esteem, trust and faith in myself, and a whole lot of money and time. It's like I lost everything but my fishing pole and a bucket of bait (my RN license). I've been fishing like mad and crawling back up out of the hole. I'll never be back where I was, I won't live long enough. I've come to terms with that, mostly be refusing to "go there" in my head . . . I can't change what happened, and it is a waste of the present to "go there" and focus on what I lost. SOmetimes it gets to me, and I'm getting better at shoving it aside. I can do NOTHING about it, but go forward.
Sep 29 - 1PM (Reply to #8)
STSwiss
STSwiss's picture

Briseis

I can relate to most of your post but those last two paragraphs almost made me weep. I know exactly how you feel. It's not just money they take, it's SO much more than that. I do the same as you. I try not to go there, because it's just not worth it. I wish you all the best. S xx Web Of Lies - My Life with a Narcissist An honest and emotional account of life with a pathological partner. http://singlemumsal.blogspot.com/ http://www.sarahtateauthor.com/

Web Of Lies - My Life with a Narcissist
http://www.sarahtateauthor.com/
http://singlemumsal.blogspot.com/

Sep 29 - 1PM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Qing

As you know, I pretty much drained my bank account trying to please the narc, while he paid not a dime for anything. I wanted to tell you, though, about my exhusband (not a narc, but with tendencies). I will never forget when we first got married, twelve years ago, and he would not give me the receipts for stuff he bought with his debit card. I was trying to balance the check book and it would always be negative because he never told me when he drew against the account. And then he would blame me for the overdrafts! After four YEARS of trying to balance the checkbook against any rationality, I just gave up. I still do not do it or even look at my bank statements. When my ex and I started our business he was responsible for paying the bills and, when we was arrested, I found a file box full of unpaid bills going three years back. Our credit today, even six years later, is the worst it could be. He also didn't do the taxes for three years so we owe more than 80,000 dollars to the IRS and more to the state. We have an income of about fifty K between our two houses, so it's terrifying and horrible. He also had a retirement fund with the fire department of about 75K when he was arrested. He gave it to his attorney. To say that I am broke is not even the tip of the iceberg. We lost our house, he lost his job and the ability to ever get one again (he committed arson), we lost all of our savings, our childrens' educational fund, our insurance, and we are in a pile of debt. Because he couldn't pay a bill or give me a receit. Oh! And he's still doing it! He got an installment agreement with the IRS and stopped paying it after six months!
Sep 29 - 11AM
Mariline
Mariline's picture

Welcome in the club. I have

Welcome in the club. I have spent all my savings for his holiday here. I struggle so much, in Italy there is an unbelievable crisis, I am a single mum. But he made me spend everything in order to please him during his Italian vacations. And he is a millionaire. Chin up, girl. We'll be out of here. As I say to my dear Almostlydia and as she says to me, everything will be okay. (((hugs)))) Do the best you can. And if you cannot pay, remember you have your life and your health. You are not dead, life is big and various, there are so many opportunities. Stay strong girl.
Sep 29 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
STSwiss
STSwiss's picture

yes, yes, yes

Mine has left a trail of debt in his wake. He has a mountain of debt, and when we were together I was stupid enough to let him put things into my name. Bad move. I now have a mountain of debt too. I've been where you are. I've written begging letters to creditors in the hope of keeping my own name out of the Courts. I'm still battling with it, but you develop a thick skin over time. So sorry you're going through this. S. xx Web Of Lies - My Life with a Narcissist An honest and emotional account of life with a pathological partner. http://singlemumsal.blogspot.com/ http://www.sarahtateauthor.com/

Web Of Lies - My Life with a Narcissist
http://www.sarahtateauthor.com/
http://singlemumsal.blogspot.com/

Sep 29 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
Qing Yuan
Qing Yuan's picture

thanks STSwiss

I have the computers in my name, one of which is his and I am now paying for them both... I knew he would this when I signed up for it. I had a wierd uneasy feeling about it but I agreed. He insisted we have the best macs on the market... (for his dreamed up music career).. ha ha) And I said we should get entry level but he insisted we get the best,.... . (then mine played up for 6 months too, kept switching itsef off and Apple wouldn't replace it for months and months) it was his gift to me...... ! BUT... he couldn't get the credit, so they are in my name... HA HA.. DUMB EH? I had no choice as he mashed up my lap top by using it with out due care. It was an issue of contention, the more I asked him to switch it off and out it away, the more he left it switched on and open... and once chucked down the side of the sofa... ! I am writing to my credit card comps becsasue I Cant pay them. I hate him for this, I preomise to remind myself of this when I look at think he is attractive etc.. He may be handsome but he is really the sqauter he always was. no offense to sqautrers... but he was going nowhere when I met him and now he has used my 'contribution' to society to get a one ticket to credit and stuff. And soon its gona come crashing down around him. But your free now right? are you stil in debt tho are you? I was paying off my own debt and getting on with that, now I have stax of new debt cos of his mad ventures. Its a scary free fall into the unknown! WE havent paid the mortgage this month. that really worried me. I invested 23,000 into this house... :(
Sep 29 - 1PM (Reply to #4)
STSwiss
STSwiss's picture

Qing Yuan

It all sounds so horribly familiar. The best thing you can is write to the credit card companies and beg for mercy. I found that if you keep the lines of communication open they are more understanding. My exN used to bury his head in the sand, and just let the debt mount. No, I'm not free of it. I got in a lot deeper than you. It will be a very long time before I'm out of it. I was lucky to get a decent lawyer though. He was able to get me out of a lot of it. I could have been left with a hell of a lot more debt. I shudder whenever I think about it. Talk to the bank about the mortgage. And get everything on a legal footing in terms of splitting what's owed ASAP. Don't let him drag you in any further. S xx Web Of Lies - My Life with a Narcissist An honest and emotional account of life with a pathological partner. http://singlemumsal.blogspot.com/ http://www.sarahtateauthor.com/

Web Of Lies - My Life with a Narcissist
http://www.sarahtateauthor.com/
http://singlemumsal.blogspot.com/

Sep 29 - 3PM (Reply to #5)
Qing Yuan
Qing Yuan's picture

Im honestly not sure how to

Im honestly not sure how to stop him. He is driving it in deep. He has racked up 1000's of debt on credit cards. bought loads of expensive purchases, all while he thought he was in the money. Now I am paying all the household bills, (except the mortgage which i cant afford), the computers, and my own debts which were carefully managed to the penny as they were... I hate him for doing this. I know he is stressed because his 'dodgy off the books employer' has been angry at him for messing up in his job. I have talked to most of the debtors and send letters of to the cc comps but I dont like how this is unfolding. You know what is worse, I drew out 150 pounds to keep me and my son goin with food, the remainders of my pay after I paid everything (bar the mortgage) and then last night he tells me, the school fees cheque bounced and he cant pay last months let laone this months. .....and I end up GIVING HIM 50 quid (to sort out the rest of last months school fees) FORM THE MONEY I SET ASIDE FOR FOOD.... because he cant even honour the bills he says he will try to honour right now... He is a looser narc, who bought himself a swishy expensive bike, all the state of the art shoes, helmet, water proofs, a a special bag with a drinking straw, the cycling sunglasses, pants with fanny pads in, etc etc water proof sox and arm pieces, etc etc.. THEN Screwed up his f-kin great bike ride by crashing on the 3rd day, broke the bike and then had to borrow a bike from his brother just to get around on town. The looser narc who moved 15 miles away into the country side without a car, bought a bike that was too high tech to have a child seat fitted. The looser narc who insisted on top range computers and put the bill in may name... The looser narc who talks and talks about his great plans for his so amazingly accomplished life... HA HA... who had a midus touch that tunrs everyhting to S.H.I.T. sometimes I feel sorry for him, with his grandiose image of himself... TO be such a looser in real life... (I think deep down he knows he is a looser and it must grate if he thinks about it... but I bet his ego keeps up the 'bad side' and reminds him its not him it everyone else) HA HA.. Thanks for your response STSwiss. I am trying to arrest the devlopment of this situation.. I am seeing a solicitor and have legal aid. I can only do but try eh? And your all right.. the money is one thing, but the emotional strength, the self-esteem, the sense of who you are.... the hope, the dreams....well when they do take that, they crush it and it is so much worse...becasue money is transiet thingg anyway... but your whole being, once that been claimed and demolished its a whole different kind of 'obstacle' to get it back again... ...I would still ratha be here in this financial crap than still living with him and his evil persecuting retarded attitude towards me...