Has anybody found that their N "triggers" a bad habit in them?

Until I started seeing him I really struggled. Then when he gave me the silent treatment for a month I lost 16 pounds. I am now NC for months but I'm finding I have a sugar monkey on my back I have to battle all over again. Especially when I get down and miss the turd.

These men are LITERALLY toxic for some of us! I never thought about it until I read this. But yes, having him in my life stresses me out without even realizing it. I come from a family of addicts and whenever I am on any sort of speaking terms with the narc, not only am I depressed, lethargic, and completely unmotivated, but I go from my regular glass of wine once a week, gradually up to a bottle a night. It's easy to rationalize an entire bottle of wine when you fill the glass to the brim ("What?! I only had two glasses!") I start eating sugar and junk food every night. I stop taking care of my body physically. And if there is any anti-anxiety medication around, forget it. I overdo it. I also stop bothering to keep in touch with friends and become more isolated as he takes over my thoughts. Whenever I purge him from my life, I stop eating junk. I stop drinking to feel numb. I don't even crave any of it. I start feeling happy to hear from friends rather than indifferent, and I get into better physical shape. All of this is automatic once he's not in my life. Wow D: Thank you for this topic.

I never felt insecure about my looks before him. Now I obsess about my faults

Eating disorders are far worse than just a bad habit, dear Beam. Sorry you are in such a depressed state. I read with some relief that you are having therapy. I understand what you said in your message to me about dependence is connected to your issues from childhood. The only bad habit my N triggered was that I started smoking more. I've always had a few cigarettes with a coffee or after dinner not intending to give them up, because I enjoyed them. Wouldn't want to be too virtuous, when I do not drink, eat well and am very athletic. But N affected my nerves and I smoked quite a lot by my standards. It's easy to reduce now that I'm away and pretty much over him. All it takes is will-power. Compared to the bad habit he was it's peanuts.

Yes! I struggled with it when I was much younger and since this whole thing started I have had the urge. I have even discussed this with my therapist. Of course she said its all rooted in anxiety and control. I have huge control issues and since I cant control the situation with him. I reach out to control something else. I am also a codependent. Many codependents are bulemic as well

triggers my need to throw up.....

Yep, defo, I had a a big pot addiction since I was a teenager and I fought it on and off for years. And My narc is a big time pot dealer. 5 years with him saw me become the biggest filthiest scummiest pot smoker I had ever been, ever. Period. Grew dreads and became a synonymous pot head.. I believe I invited it into my life to really beat it! I had lovely boyfriends who begged me to stop. I had some who could take it or leave it. I had some who just wouldn’t touch it and all of them faded or didn’t work out. The one guy I marry and have a child with is so heavily addicted and his whole life is surrounded by it. He literally breathes, sleeps it. And I was as a by product surrounded it by it too. The more he abused me the more I used to use it to cope with the pain. We even got busted once. Then when it all finally kicked off after years of hell and using it to cope, which as with any addiction only mad eit worse, the fatter and uglierI became abusing my body, the more he abused me, it was horrendous... and I got very very very sick... I knew I had to get in control of my health and it was NOT easy. I took hard work, determination and real strength.. I wanted the pot so much, I thought I needed it to cope. But I wanted the healing and the quality of life more... And right at the end of the ordeal I learned to go deep inside me and find the switch to turn it off. It’s not been easy and I have slipped up 2 times when out with others but I am remembering what it feels like to feel attractive, healthy, happy and not needy of that shitty drug. And yes it was a trigger in me, to hurt and want to switch it off with drugs, that is why people smoke it. Boredom, pain, loneliness, anger, confusion. It only makes these unresolved elements in us worse. I won because I knew that it was a ‘link’ to him and that once I gave it up he would go away. He did too. I started to get health conscious and change my mind set and soon after he left. Really just like that. So the addictions are really facets and symptoms of the real issue and that is being in pain for some reason. When we deal with the pain and deal with the issues then we can deal with the addictions. Say NO. Don’t let them be the reason you stay in an unhealthy physical mental state. Take back your power! X

One of my last comments to the Narc was: "You bring out the worst in me; I don't like who I am when I am with you." I became depressed Yelled Swore Lied to him because he was lying to me Stole his money out of his wallent because he stole all my money I gained 10lb's every time he came back Ate foods I don't even like because he liked them Stopped going to church and hanging around with my friends I became obssessed with checking up on him and "getting to the bottom of all his LIES." Cried every morning Started smoking Started drinking Basically they introduce us into their seedy world and like the saying goes: "You are altered by the company you keep." So YES the NARC triggered me to become a completely different person than who I am. So sorry he triggered your food disorder; hope you are getting back on track with this. Don't ALLOW him to keep you in that space. You need to take care of you now and stop if and can and if you can't seek help. OA is a big help with this, not sure if you have gone there before and those women, mostly women totally understand about "triggers" and relationships with dysfunctional men who love to "keep us sick", he is a pathetic freak who does not care about anyone but himself!! God bless, Goldie

I'm sorry to hear about this...thats horrible so he probably knew this? If so that makes him very evil. wtf i need a moment to comment on this its very mean what he did if he knew you were like this did he know this ?

Yes i have a pain killer addiction, Anything with codeine in, I take, I am seeing my doctor about it this morning, At the moment my nerves are shot to pieces, So hopefully my Doc will help me out, It is all part of there poison that makes like this, Or we would end up in a nut house ourselves rocking back and forth, ( JUST WERE THEY WANT US) I felt like turning to drink and at times i have, But it just makes things 10 times worse and feeling more depressed, The narc would bring out the worse in anyone! xhugsx

Sorry baby, and Yes my ExNH did and does trigger a bad habit in me...yelling at the top of my lungs. I am usually a patient person ( of course I am, i patiently waited for his sorry ass to change for 13 years.) at any rate I became a "yeller" with him, he triggers it..and do you know why?? Because He is a f*ucking Narc idiot and I was always trying to get it into his thick petrified skull that HE WAS DOIN ME WRONG. probably damaged my vocal chords in addition to popping a couple vessels in my head, premature aging and who knows what else from thaT F*cking lunatic okay now back to you: My good friend struggled with your bad habit. Read the book Andreas voice, and get meds/counseling..she only needed meds for 3 months and the nasty habit has been gone for 4 years now ..yeah! Yes, she will always have to watch it, but this isn't something to mess around with because it can be deadly. I did the intervention with her, and I am so so happy she is still in my life. Enough self hate beamofight, enough worrying about things we cannot change and Narcs we have no control over- take control of the one thing you can, your health. Pretty please