the hardest part for me

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#1 Jan 24 - 2PM
Happy1
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the hardest part for me

I believe the hardest thing for me is lonliness and filling up my time. I absolutely hate weekends and appreciate today is Monday. I can't say I have a lot of ambition but this last weekend was a killer for me. He really did dictate what we did every weekend and every hour of every day. I feel lost.. Sounds stupid but I do.

Jan 24 - 7PM
titta22
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I'm from Chicago too.....

But i moved to SC but when divorce is final i am going to move back. My family is there and i want to be closer to them and as far away from him as possible.
Jan 25 - 11AM (Reply to #25)
Hunter
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Cool, find us on the other

Cool, find us on the other site. See the real us, I am" Bat Man " ( joke ) Oxox be strong Idealk
Jan 24 - 8PM (Reply to #24)
Happy1
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titta22

When you return let us know and we can all go out!
Jan 24 - 5PM
daisyme
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can totally relate...

What you are feeling is not stupid. It happens. I can totally relate. My entire world revolved around my ex-N and even though he has completely shut me out of his life, he still seems to be the center of my orbit. We were together on/off for over 14 years until i was dumped in the trash heap for a new supply source. Because he was always changing his mind, plans, and expectations, I never knew what to expect and found myself anticipating all possible outcomes of his needs and whims. I went from being a strong, confident and fiercely independent person to now questioning - who the h*ll am i? It's been over 7 months, and I still find myself living "his" life. In trying to be "perfect" for him, i lost myself. It's going to be a journey to rediscover who i am, what i like, what i want, and what makes me happy. its scary, because i forgot how! hang in there. you are not alone.
Jan 24 - 6PM (Reply to #22)
Happy1
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daisyme

Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one with this sense of emptiness. It's hard to fill in all the hours. It feels very weird.
Jan 24 - 4PM
gettinbetter
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Happy I just had the same

Happy I just had the same thght today. This whole freakin disaster has now consumed my thoughts for one year. I have plenty of things I need to be doing but I just haven't had the motivation. I did however clean out my closet and organize by color. Sometimes when I feel out of control I do crazy stuff like that because it is very out of character for me but I think it gives me a sense of control when everything else seems out of my control
Jan 24 - 4PM (Reply to #18)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

sick of it

I did the exact same thing with my closet and that's not like me at all either. But finding the motivation to do things is what's hard for me. It's things I "should" do but it's hard to do them. I feel lazy and I feel lost and confused. Especially on the weekends.
Jan 24 - 5PM (Reply to #19)
Hunter
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My closet needs cleaning if

My closet needs cleaning if you guys are interested? :)
Jan 24 - 6PM (Reply to #20)
Happy1
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ideal9NYC

smart ass! hahaha! I only do it when I'm ridding narc doo doo from my closet. haha!
Jan 24 - 4PM
Hunter
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We are going out Friday

We are going out Friday night! Wahooooo
Jan 24 - 4PM (Reply to #9)
Happy1
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Idealk9NYC

I just sent you a note back on facebook!! I can't wait!!! 8-)
Jan 24 - 5PM (Reply to #10)
Hunter
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Double Wahooooo! If any one

Double Wahooooo! If any one is in Chicago and wants to party hardy or well ...have dinner we are planning this Friday night! No Narcs allowed.
Jan 24 - 6PM (Reply to #12)
Happy1
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Helldweller is from Chicago

Helldweller is from Chicago too! Maybe she would like to join the fun!
Jan 24 - 6PM (Reply to #13)
Hunter
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Friday Night Fish fry oops I mean Narc Fry

FUMB and Helldweller Ill send them a message on the other site. KK???
Jan 25 - 12AM (Reply to #15)
FUMB
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I soooo want to go and I'm

I soooo want to go and I'm trying to make it work!
Jan 25 - 8AM (Reply to #16)
Happy1
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FUMB

I hope you can make it! 8-)
Jan 24 - 8PM (Reply to #14)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Idealk9NYC

Sounds perfect!! The more the merrier!
Jan 24 - 5PM (Reply to #11)
gettinbetter
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you lucky girls! wish

you lucky girls! wish someone lived in Texas!
Jan 24 - 3PM
Briseis
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Maybe this is something you

Maybe this is something you can bring up with your therapist? I think MOST women are brought up to not "own" their own lives, the way men are. We are brought up to be incomplete without a man, and then we're supposed to live through this man. Otherwise, there ain't much to us :( And that is SO untrue. It's a matter of exploring yourself and finding out what you like to do, what you are good at. And I'm talking stuff you have NO IDEA you'd even like or be good at! Aren't you kind of artistic? You knit or crochet? Maybe there is a weekend activity, or some free or inexpensive adult classes you can take on a weekend? Or at least use your weekend to prepare for the class, work on some project? What about going to school for something? Getting help going to vocational school or even college is something a single mom can get pretty easy. My 27 year old daughter is going to comm. college by getting grants, and has money left OVER from the grants.
Jan 24 - 4PM (Reply to #7)
Happy1
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Briseis

Yes, I do crochet but I'm afraid it doesn't occupy my thoughts and I just have this overwhelming dread for weekends. I will talk to my counselor tomorrow about it. I'm glad I'm going to see her. I am pretty good during the week. Maybe a little uncomfortable, but it's the weekends that tear me up.
Jan 24 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
NinjaGirl
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Agreed. When I used to post

Agreed. When I used to post more regularly last summer, the two things I kept telling people to do were exercise regularly and make a list of goals or achievements and then work toward them. My own, for example, were: 1. Learn to ride a motorcycle. 2. Learn to drive a standard. 3. Horseback riding lessons. 4. Write a page of a story I'm working on every day. 5. Hit the gym or do some form of exercise every day. 6. Read one book a week. 7. I can't remember the others at the moment. I also hung out with friends and went to see movies, or just wandered around the mall and browsed for things. Anything to get me out of the house and away from my computer.
Jan 24 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
Happy1
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NinjaGirl

I read, crochet, love to dance. I just have to get moving I know. I am in a fog I guess.
Jan 24 - 5PM (Reply to #4)
gettinbetter
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the time will come happy. A

the time will come happy. A watched pot never boils. Take it from me as I have been watching the pot everyday thinking Is today the day when this is finally over for me???
Jan 24 - 6PM (Reply to #5)
Hunter
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SOI

I wish you were here. You are getting better. I see it. Rock On!!
Jan 24 - 8PM (Reply to #6)
gettinbetter
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gosh I hope so. I sure am

gosh I hope so. I sure am trying. I have alot of years of repressed grief (as you know the details of my situation) to get thru. I still cry alot