harborwoman's story

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#1 Jul 22 - 2AM
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harborwoman's story

I am going through the pain of ending a married relationship with an N. I may have posted to the wrong list in the forum. It's so strange how they can be so ugly and aggressive and then 2 to 6 days later, expect something nice from you. A favor, help, etc. With no acknowledgment, apology or responsibility taken for prior acts, the regular human mind (me) wants to be able to reconcile the "kind person" with the person who insults, threatens, and destroys property or reacts with physical means. I can't fathom how anyone can do the things he does and just act as if they never happened. Do they even hit his conscience? Or, as I think, it's just tucked away for later as another story for how the N was the "real" victim.

It's been a almost a month since I last saw the N (he finally left my home while I was away.) At this time, I am still married to him, but am not communicating with him. My home was broken into, but I can yet prove it was him. The strange thing is that the target was the emails he'd sent me. I can't yet prove that he tore up my mail. But I know.

He called and left a civil message about a week ago, requesting we sit down and talk about matters that need to be settled. I won't even return the call.

I did file for a protective order for my home.

There is a small part of us that always hopes they will get a clue and value us enough to want to change themselves to be better people. It's not happening for him.

He's had the chance before.

Now I'm simply out of contact. It's tough. Keeping busy with work and other things, but I find it very difficult to sleep and my focus is out of kilter.

I am also trying to find a way to NOT be at court when the protective order is heard. I don't need to see him and he does not need the satisfaction of seeing me.

His goal was immigration matters for his sons and other things. Yeah there are some thing we could enjoy together, but the turn of a mood on a dime, a possibility of a brick against a jaw and the threats of slandering the reputations of people close to me just aren't worth the trouble of sharing feta cheese and tomatoes ( a favorite meal).

N wanted the wedding band and wedding ring. Essentially, he stripped me of being able to have a ring on my finger as a proper married woman for a year of separation -- but I'm just not going to argue a Walmart wedding ring, you know? I simply have given up.

N also has an addiction to certain web sites. he has a pattern.. email.. sports girls and top end cars on ebay.. Very dependable.

I used to say if I could just have him between 10 pm and 6 am, the relationship would be fine. (share a few grapes, watch Leno, whatever and sleep...)

My prior 15 year marriage was touchless, so this N knew exactly which buttons to push.

However, over and over again, I keep going back to the realization that for this N with his degree of N and jealousy, a relationship will not work.

What irks me.. I know he will tell the next one how he just needs a good woman who is really committed to a marriage with him. that I was just not committed to him and his sons..etc. and the reinvention and escapade will begin again. (I've even told him he'll do it. He *hated* hearing that.)

That thought makes me quite bitter

Thanks for the web site.