a guy friend and i

15 posts / 0 new

#1 Jan 6 - 10PM

blueworld

a guy friend and i

i havent had nor been allowed to hang out with anyone when i was with douchebag but today i was watching a movie with a guy friend of mine and he gently ran his fingers over my hair and covered me more with the blanket as we watched. i felt him gently kiss my shoulder as we cuddled.
i am scared, i really really like him, he has given me a book called the hidden scars its about emotional abuse and he is very very sweet to me, genuinely, and we have lots of fun hanging out when we do .
but

here is the big but
he has shared alot about his life and he is dating and texting facebooking alot of girls all at once and he is honest about it because he doesnt know what he wants and is terrified of being hurt again ( he was married and did everything including counseling with her to make it work

im in deep healing and definetly dont want a relationship with anyone, but i want the affection..the touch?

#2 Jan 7 - 10PM

nomoredenial

i responded to your other one before this one

I said have fun and I think you should go out dancing if that is what you want to do, BUT I think its a great time practicing REALLY good boundries, He sounds suspicious to me and if he is really a good guy and you tell him to wait...that you need more healing, he will be a gentleman and wait. If you need to be touched (i know the feeling) go to a massage therapist. They are trained to work on you and they MUST keep thier boundries.

#3 Jan 8 - 5PM (Reply to #14)

blueworld

had a great time!

he was a totaly gentleman i had so much fun and he was so sweet to me all night, we slow danced he asked if he could kiss me i said yes, it was sweet, he and i danced till three am, the floor was totally packed so we had to dance close together , he was very responsible with how much he drank and he didnt push me to drink or anything, it was a really nice evening

#4 Jan 7 - 2PM

Dee30

possibly a rebound

I have a friend too, and he is interested in dating me, but i told him very firmly i'm not ready and may not be for along time. we need time to heal, ur not ready yet and take care of yourself first before jumping into another relationship. I was thinking last night and I actually do feel content being single. rather be alone than unhappy. maybe one day when im ready i will date for now, i enjoy me, my kids and my friends..just be careful..

#5 Jan 7 - 1PM

janemarie

Johnson and Johnson

Blue...I say this with the most sincerity...he is a band aid for you!!! And band aids make us feel better masking pain and scares...... You need more than a band aid right now....you need medicine to help you heal from the INSIDE out, not the outside in....You will only get that type of help through therapy....through your mind and soul..maybe you should call Goldie!! Dont be stuck on band aids!!!!! xoxo

#6 Jan 7 - 11AM

GeorgiaGirl

Sounds like

you've found yourself another narc. Run...

#7 Jan 7 - 10AM

fallingfoward

Are you ready.....

to deal with other women in a relationship with you. He said he is talking to other women. Be careful. Love yourself first.

#8 Jan 7 - 10AM

Redhead1

He is being honest with you.

He is being honest with you. If you can't handle the affection on a friendly basis, back up. Like someone else said, go out and spend time together. I sounds like both of you are on rebound, be careful if he is a truely good friend. You both could mess that up.

#9 Jan 7 - 10AM

ruby01 (not verified)

blueworld

If you are uncomfortable in any way then it's up to you to take control of the situation and have it be peaceful for you. If at this point in time you want to be platonic with this man, try going out in public instead of intimate surroundings that might encourage physical intimacy. It's up to you. If you are uncomfortable in any given moment then make a change.

#10 Jan 7 - 8AM

Hunter

Blue

Please. Please. take care of yourself.. Taking this further at this time in your life is an accident waiting to happen.. I think deep down you know this. My Best Friend is a man .. he's been so for 30 years.. He was there when the Dog Whisperer NArced me the first time..I never told him about what happened the second time.. He would have killed me for my stupidity.. (cant say Id blame him) He is always there for me and if I did share my story he'd be there again.. Point is he's my friend .. He really is only my friend.. jumping into something at a time as such is not healthy.. You must spend time with a therapist..or Give Goldie a call. Hunter

#11 Jan 7 - 2PM (Reply to #5)

blueworld

hunter

i heed your warnings and to be honest i am not anywhere near ready to be with someone i know this as i have endured and suffered my whole life trying to ..i like how i feel around him if something happens...naturally..then its suppose to..we dont talk about "us" or if we want that, we just get together sometimes the two of us other times with mutual friends no pressure just fun..he accepts me for me, and i accept him for him

#12 Jan 7 - 3PM (Reply to #6)

Journey

Blueworld

Be really, really careful about believing that if something happens 'naturally' it is SUPPOSED to. That is exactly how my involvement with narc started... and one of the reasons I didn't listen to my instincts during the earlier warnings because it felt so 'right' at the same time. Very confusing to say the least. More importantly now is to define boundaries for yourself. A lot of things happen 'naturally' because boundaries don't prevent them from happening, but that does not mean they are 'supposed' to occur. The belief that things are 'meant to be' is a double edged sword in my opinion. For much in life it seems like a truth (after the fact), for other things it only allows hard lessons into our lives that could have been avoided had we chosen to pay more attention to what we really want or need so we make choices and take action to create THOSE things for ourselves instead. Enjoy your night of dancing, let it be just that!! xo

Journey on...

#13 Jan 7 - 2AM

Journey

It sounds like this guy

It sounds like this guy friend really cares about you... why read any more into it that that? It is possible to be close to someone without it becoming more serious. You know you are not ready and you are still vulnerable. He sounds like someone in a similar place. Why not just enjoy the simplicity of a caring friendship without trying to label it? Take your time, don't do anything because you feel a NEED to or pressured from him... just enjoy that you have a friend you can spend some quality time with and let that be enough. Define for yourself your own boundaries to protect your heart in its healing and don't let him or anyone else cross them. If he respects that, then your friendship can develop naturally with time to be what is best for both of you. my 2 cents Journey on...

Journey on...

#14 Jan 7 - 2PM (Reply to #3)

blueworld

he is so kind

he is the most gentle caring person i have been around in a long time. there is no pressure, no jokes made, teasing or not and he is very good to me. he is around my age and he is very open in communication, he wants to go out dancing tonight, so im excited to go out and dress up and have some fun

#15 Jan 7 - 2AM

Im_always_fine

You "definitely don't want a

You "definitely don't want a relationship." You KNOW you are in psychic pain and are still healing. So just some questions that I think are fair to ask. Is it fair to put both your hearts at risk? What can the outcome be when 2 emotionally devastated individuals come together? Is really liking someone always a reason to try and make it a relationship? Do you really like him because you are really lonely? Did you get into the last relationship because you wanted affection? The best you can offer him is to speak your truth compassionately. Remain loyal to your own wellness. Don't drop yourself for someone else....him. Honesty is always the best policy especially with yourself. If he is willing to wait and not pressure you and not take advantage of your vulnarability. He may be a keeper. But you shouldn't be afraid of losing him if you don't except the relationship on his terms. Whatever happens be sure it's on your own terms.

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews