I think I have a little of the monday blahs
I commented in a post and made reference to Narcs being like snakes
toxic and poisonous and severely damaging the effects linger for a long time from a snake bite
just read the letter was a little toxic
feeling emotional today
And so today I researched Narcs in counseling and self aware narcs. That info completely reinforced my gut feeling that he is a lost cause and not worth the effort to do any of that.
Then I came across a great break down on understand Narcissism and wanted to share it with you.
Just a few of the gems of info - this is worth reading!!
The underlying skeleton holding the narcissist’s personality together is a fragile self-esteem that fears abandonment. Attempting to ward off painful fears of aloneness or shame by developing an idealized view of himself, the narcissist thinks everyone should admire him. When others don’t share his unrealistic self-perception he turns on them in anger, or devalues them in order to protect his idealized view of himself.
Try not to assimilate the guilt or blame that the narcissist attempts to place on you. Remember, his need to blame you comes from his own deep feelings of inadequacy and his or her inability to observe and respect your needs. You simply got caught in the crossfire. According to the Bible, although we all have responsibility to others, we must each ultimately take responsibility for our own burdens
If you start feeling diminished, or angry, realize that the narcissist’s behavior is probably triggering those emotions. Narcissists like to use others as a kind of emotional wastebasket where they can dump their upsetting feelings. If you believe them, you will end up feeling as bad as they do. This doesn’t mean you can ignore your contribution to the problem. If you are angry or critical, or overly sensitive; you need to work on your issues, too. But don’t take responsibility for the narcissist’s deep, long-standing problems. They were there before he met you!
Put some emotional distance between yourself and the narcissist while you sort all this out. Take time to reflect on what is going on between you and your spouse or co-worker. Fighting back doesn’t help and neither does accepting blame that isn’t yours. Fighting just escalates the narcissist’s anger. And accepting their accusations reinforces their unhealthy style and leaves you feeling depressed, angry, or “crazy.”
The alternative is to center yourself so that you calmly see what the narcissist is attempting to do without falling into the trap of believing him. Remember in many ways the narcissist is acting and feeling like a two or three-year-old on the inside. But don’t tell him that! Use your understanding to be patient and sensitive while still keeping yourself centered. Don’t use it as a weapon to fight back.
Minimize direct confrontation with the narcissist’s unhealthy behavior. Most narcissists are simply unable to receive criticism, even if it is meant constructively and spoken in a soft and respectful manner. True narcissists are not interested in truth, reality, or you when it comes to their understanding of their self. They are too busy frantically trying to manage their own unconscious fears of being worthless or abandoned to get into your emotional shoes and take an objective look at themselves.
Maintain good personal boundaries between you and the narcissist. In response to your setting a boundary, the narcissist may attempt to rewrite history or even try to convince you that what you thought (or saw) just happened didn’t, and thus, there is no need for setting a boundary in the first place. Do not back down. Do check in with others to confirm your reading of the situation correctly.
Narcissistic personalities typically seek treatment only when their sense of specialness or invincibility is threatened through a major life crisis such as a mid-life crisis, illness, job loss, impending divorce, or depression.
I think every thing through so much. Some times I just want to be selfish in my own right and not care anymore. Love is a strange thing. Some say you only have a few chances at the real thing.