Goodbye, whoever you are
Goodbye, whoever you are
I need to say goodbye to you forever. I don't know who you really are, what was the truth about our relationship, whether you were ever faithful to me (the irony), what was the truth or lies of all the things you told me...
You knew I had abandonement issues and you did the cruelest thing of all to me, you walked away and abandoned me. I helped you find jobs, I helped you by loaning you money so you could buy materials for side work, I helped you with your car, I made love to you with my heart and soul, I held you when you felt lost, I fed you and clothed you...and you used me and walked away to start a new romance with another woman and don't want to be in touch with me at all - like I'm nothing. I know I fed your ego by crying, chasing you, begging you - I'm ok with that though, it's who I am, I don't know how to play hard to get and I don't want to - when I love someone, I give them all I have to give - it's a blessing and a huge gift and I am now aware that I must ensure in the future that the recipient is WORTHY of my gifts and my precious heart. I'm still glad I fell in love with you if not for anything else but the excitement made me lose 60 lbs and I now look like my old self, the adorable girl I used to be. Thanks for that, I guess. You gave me a LOT to think about regarding my marriage - while you did show me that being sexual is important and the fact that my husband does not make love to me is a problem, I also appreciate that he is not running around screwing other women either (again, the irony is not lost on me here) like you have been doing to your poor wife. I'm SO GLAD I didn't leave my husband and my home for you - omg, that would have been horrible - and if we HAD left to be together, I know I would never have been able to trust you at all. I told you, we're both liars and cheaters in this and while I knew a healthy relationship couldn't flourish when it was founded on deceit and lies, I did not expect you to throw me away like yesterdays' trash. I am ashamed of what I did at the end - it was small and beneath me - but I needed to get my shot in, couldn't let you walk away from me like that without giving you a figurative "swift kick in the nuts" as a souvenir. The only thing that does help is that I cock-blocked you but good and it won't be so easy for you to get laid anytime soon, by your wife or the OW, and since that's the only damn thing you care about, I feel satisfied with that. I miss having a man desire me, make love to me, my days feel empty without the constant texts and calls to each other - I miss looking forward to our times together, the way you made me laugh, the hot way you always kissed me and touched me - but I'm going to get over it. Truth be told, you are NOT the love of my life, T was, and if I could get over HIM, you're gonna be a piece of cake.
If you ever text me or reach out again, you'll get what you've been giving - complete disregard. I'll use the opportunity to d&d YOU so I can walk away having had the last word, not reply, like you're nothing at all, not worth the energy it takes to type out a response. I vow that to myself. Looking forward to that - the chance to show both you and me that you are nothing anymore in my life.