Good Riddance and Thank You!
Good Riddance and Thank You!
Vampire, time to say goodbye to you. And good riddance too. It’s been a few weeks since we’ve had any contact whatsoever and to be honest, it feels good! When we first met, you were on your best behavior. Your “sweet nothings”, being almost on-time, the affection you showed me, your innocent manner and our physical relationship were incredible. To a man who is mentally struggling with aging, I was in heaven, at least for a bit. Once you had me hooked though the real you started coming out. You were always, always late, sometimes not showing up at all. This struck me as odd, especially when I would bring you things you asked for from the USA. The first time or two, I believed you excuses about being ill, having car problems, etc. But as time went on, your repeated use of the same excuses made it readily apparent you were lying. Over time, I realized you were a very poor liar, at best. Remember the time I told you that you needed some new excuses for your lateness/absence and you just laughed?
As I look back over our 4 months “together”, I realize that in reality, there was little good about it. Your constant lateness, not showing up, lies, manipulation, total disregard for my welfare, not wanting to be seen in public with me in your hometown and so on started wearing very thin on me. The bad was far outstripping the good, yet I put up with your shit. That won’t happen again, with you or anyone else.
As the red flags started popping up, I realized something wasn’t quite right. Thank God for Google. It helped me understand that you are a somatic narcissist and that your charm, appearance, lies, manipulation and sex were just tools you use to acquire supply. Armed with this knowledge, the power of those tools started to weaken. Remember when I confronted you with reality of your being a narcissist in a FB message. Your reply? A “thumbs up” emoticon! You acknowledged the truth but of course, didn’t change any behaviors nor really even make any attempt to. That was when D & D started, as well as the occasional cruel FB postings directed at me. I remember how much it hurt me, even though I knew the truth. I remember the last time we met in person. Projection was ever present!
I am so glad you moved away. It has made it easier for me to evict you from my mind and heart. I do not miss all your drama and the torture of always being upset, confused, unable to eat, etc. Despite my occasional anger towards you, I feel sorry for you. You told me several times that you seek true, perfect love (one small indicator of narcissism). Of course there is no such thing and because of your narcissism, you will never find it, or any lasting love, for that matter. You are doomed to a cycle of "rinse and repeat". Despite what you did to me, I want you to be happy and satisfied with your life. That is one thing that sets us apart. I have empathy, even for you. I doubt you know what the word is.
I feel sorry for M (your daughter). There is a very strong likelihood that she too will grow up to be a narcissist, just as you did from your mother. Do you remember the day you told me your mother was a very bad mother? Do you want M saying the same thing about you some day? Absent some action on your part, she is doomed, just as you are. God help her and for that matter, you too.
I want to thank you for one thing though. The circumstances under which we met and my letting you treat me in a certain way were wake-up calls for me. I realize that I must do something to make sure this never happens again. You opened my eyes to some “selfie” issues I must work on. Without you, that might have never have happened at all or happened when it did. For that, I say thanks!