God please give me the strength this time

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#1 Sep 8 - 10AM
NoMoreFreakBoy's picture

God please give me the strength this time

I pray every day that I can stay NC. This is a horrible existence. We are both living in a fantasy. We will never be together as you say you want and as I think I want. You are want me, but you don't want me. We wish all these sweet things....doing things together, being carefree now that I am divorced, spending time together, vacations, etc....but deep down I know you are really afraid of all that closeness. You like " your loneliness" , you told me that while ago, " no one to answer to" . You said that at a time when your mask was off. I read quote here that said something about when someone shows you who they really are, well, those two statements from you are what you want. And I know your loneliness as you say it is just the opposite. I am not your only girl. You tell me i am your girl, your sexy mami, I am the best. I asked you point blank if I was your only girl and you narcissistically skirted around that question. I refer to another quote something like having life pass me by while waiting for crumbs. No more waiting for me. I WIL NOT have u under my roof, near my kids, near my friends, as you are not an honest man. You revved im tired up with me again when I dangled the idea of getting u that very expensive bracelet for ur birthday. I know in my heart that is why u r love bombing me. In ur freaky mind and delusioned world, having this designer expensive bracelet own ur wrist is one way u can act like a Papi Chulo. I am sure I am not the only one buying you jewelry. Last time I saw you, you had on another necklace and u said ur daughter made it... When I call u on it, as its is obviously not made by a 15 year old, you don't answer my question. Too many unanswered questions. Too many words but not enough action. You can't walk the talk. I just need to keep proving that to myself. And I hope this time I finally get it. I will not allow you into my world and my kids world to destroy and hurt us. So today I kept NC so far. And so have u. You didn't like me saying I know I am not ur only girl. If you cared for m you would do anything to reassure me I am your one and only. You can't do that because I am not.

God please give me strength to get thru this day. I accept he doesn't love me. Help me get him out of my head an get back the indifference I felt for him one time.

Sep 8 - 10PM
NoMoreFreakBoy's picture

It's been too long

Sep 8 - 7PM
Alabaster's picture

You are not alone!

Sep 8 - 12PM
fefe65's picture