The Path Forward Virtual Retreat Febuary 2021!



The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's Story

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#1 Nov 17 - 9AM
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's Story

When I read the other stories here it is as if we all pretty much dated the same man. If only there were only one of them on the planet! We could capture him and put him on an island far away...alone...he would survive...so long as there was the one essential survival tool that he needs...a mirror, so he could admire himself, talk to himself, smile at himself and tell himself how wonderful he is and what a truly great guy he really is. Oh wait! He would also need a computer...so he could be on dating sites, and email/chat/webcam to keep in touch with numerous females for his ego feedings/strokings...while he hides behind the shield/mask of the internet pretending to be Prince Charming...and one more thing...he needs the computer for his favorite pastime...porn...so he can do 'his thing' with himself...several times a day. He would probably be in bliss...with himself. Because it really is 'all about HIM' !!!

I met my Dr. Jekyl in 2007, nearly 3 years ago. We have lived together for the last 2 years (althought I have done one smart thing by keeping my apartment downtown so I always have a refuge to go to)

For nearly the first year he was the most wonderful man I thought I could ever meet. He was tall, dark and handsome, so charming, a gentleman to a fault, seemed like the most decent and honest guy ever, attractive,sexy,intelligent, educated, he had a good job, had his own townhouse,was divorced for 4 years and shared time with his 2 darling little boys. We were inseparable from the get go! He was so affectionate and loving, kissed like a dream...I could kiss him and be in his arms all night! We had a year of the best dates ever! We danced, went to church, fundraising events, sports events, concerts, plays, movies, dinners,hiking, picnics, etc....lots of romance and lots of walks in the evenings hand in hand...it was such a happy year and I was delighted with this amazing relationship!

I was trying to 'date smart' and had observed him carefully before allowing myself to become intimate, watched his interactions with others, got to know him and felt trusting and safe with him...before going to bed with him for the first time. (that first time wasn't great, he was impotent in the end and couldn't complete things, but I chalked it up at that time to his being a bit nervous at first...though I had never experienced this problem with other guys)

When I look back, I see this as a red flag that there were problems to come...that I was not aware of at the time. His sexual dysfunction continued about 50% of the time throughout our relationship though. Sometimes things would work, sometimes he couldn't last, or would have ED. I didn't know what was wrong, but I was very understanding and affectionate...didn't worry about it for a long time into the relationship.

He always kept his word, was always on time for dates and phone calls too. I don't think there has been anyone that I had more fun with and laughed with so much. We couldn't keep our hands off each other...the only time we weren't together that first year was when we were both at work. He spent the nights with me at my apartment, and I spent each weekend with him at his place out of town. If you saw us, you would have thought we were the most compatible and happiest couple...very much 'in love'. He treated me with such respect and regard...and I felt the same about him. He truly could NOT have been more wonderful...It has been devastating as time has proven that the man he pretended to be actually does not exist at all...it was a mask...which has now slipped completely...(so I am now here on this forum like the rest of us, after finding out only too late that our boyfriends/husbands are actually so destructive and pathological)

Little did I know that during his workday that entire blissful incredible first year, he was actually on MSN chat and dating/singles sites/email at his office...deliberately chatting with, meeting and talking to other women everyday...and sometimes even going for coffee or lunch with them...which also sometimes led to sexual encounters with these other women during the day at a hotel across from his office. There was NEVER any signs that he was this dishonest, a liar and cheater...NEVER! The only red flag I recognize now in hindsight...was his sexual dysfunction...it wasn't that he couldn't get it up at times...it was that he was sexually 'spent' sometimes..because he was also having sex on the side. I NEVER KNEW!

To this day...it is more THAT fact then even the hurt of his cheating. How could he lie so well and I could NOT detect it? I left him after finding this out, after a most wonderul first year of what appeared to be a 'healthy' and happy relationship. I was utterly devastated! A woman had emailed me and told me that my boyfriend had been trying to get her to go out with him for weeks...she thought I should know. I didn't believe her at first, but it proved she was telling the truth when she sent me his emails and pics he had sent her...and I found out she was not the only one. I am grateful she told me, though it hurt so much to find out all this stuff about him,... and I left him then...but after several weeks of his apologies and hearts& flowers routine..I stupidly gave him another chance. Promising never to do this again. He even got fired from his job for being on singles sites and porn at work...I never knew!

Wll, you guessed it, no matter what he promised he continued to lie and cheat...just got better at hidin it. (as if he could get any better at hiding things...but he tried) To this day he tried to conceal his numerous affairs and sexual encounters he had while we were together...but I found out about several of them even recently that took place this last year too. I also found out about his huge porn addiction...another reason he was so sexually 'spent' and dysfunctional at times in bed. He often preferred his own hand and his fantasies...and I found out he was like this long before he ever met me. If only I had known THEN what I know now.

Long story short, my 'wonderful' Prince has turned into the toad he actually IS. It has been one of the most hurtful experiences in my own life, and learning to accept the truth has been very hard.

He didn't just lie and cheat though. He also lied to me about his past history. Only recently did I find out that he has a history of violence...which includes hitting his own mother, pushing her downstairs, abusing his ex-wife so severely the police have photos of her being black and blue from her tailbone to her neck when he beat her again(one of many times)this time while she was trying to shield their newborn son from his blows with her own body as she was holding him. He beat ex-girlfriends, even had criminal charges for road rage and assault on a stranger, and he has numerous police calls made on him and several restraining orders too. All of this I DID NOT KNOW...how could he hide all this so well? He seemed like one of the nicest guys you could ever meet! The first year I was with him there were absolutely NO signs that he had this dark side to him. No signs AT ALL that he could ever be violent or aggressive...NONE!

I found out he was also charged with child abuse and involved with the CPS system from beating his own 2 sons with his fists, etc., leaving bruises where they show onhis own sons,...and where they don't show.

And last Christmas, after he met a new co-worker that he had a crush/fantasy with, he resented me being with him at that time and keeping him from being with 'her'(although I was not aware what was bothering him at the time, just that he was being a jerk to me again)...anyway, he beat ME for the first time then, punching me with his fists and throwing a heavy computer chair on top of me as hard as he could...leaving me with a bruised and bleeding kidney and an injury to my knee that still hurts a year later sometimes. I had to stay in a shelter for battered women for a month. When I broke up with him, he started seriously stalking me. Pretty scary stuff.

I have had a hard time reconciling the difference between who he pretended to be and the reality of who/what he really is. He is one of the most manipulative, charming, confusing, lying, cheating, sex addicted, violent, unstable hurtful men I have ever met...nothing at all like the Prince Charming he appeared to be...soon enough he will be with the next victim...he is already stalking his next prey...and just like me, she will believe she has met the most wonderful man in the world...only someday to find out the truth. I hope she will be smarter than I was...and at the first sign that something is wrong, the first lie she finds out about...the first red flag...that she takes care of herself...and RUNS away as fast as she can...before she is left feeling broken hearted and damaged like me, and everyone else who ever dared to actually love him...or more correctly...love the man he pretends to be...

May 25 - 8AM
Layla
Layla's picture

Glad that you "bumped" this up!

May 25 - 2AM
PinkPeony
PinkPeony's picture

Someone Asked If I Could Find My Story

The Narcissists Girlfriend

Apr 5 - 3AM
freaked
freaked's picture

Hyde

Apr 5 - 7PM (Reply to #51)
PinkPeony
PinkPeony's picture

They All Sound So Similar

The Narcissists Girlfriend

Nov 18 - 8AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Teh Girlfriend

As tragic as it all is, I had to just smile and shake my head the past few days because, despite completely losing two wonderful, accomplished, adoring, beautiful, kind generous women forever, there is no doubt in my mind that there are others that remain and that he really doesn't care. He may be a bit inconvenienced because his next door lay is gone, or because he won't be getting a check this month, but there's no real sense of loss or regret or remorse. There are others, and there will be two or more others to take the place of the OW and me. I am so incredibly happy for you and your new life! It's going to be tough for us at first, the freedom and relief mixed with the betrayal, the hurt, the loss. But I truly do feel like I have been brought back from the dead. I want to find the old me, too. The happy me who doesn't swear and scream, who is wise and calm and positive, who is a great example for her daughters and an inspiration to others. That's me, and I'm on my way back to her. Good luck!
Apr 5 - 2AM (Reply to #48)
PinkPeony
PinkPeony's picture

Hi Girls! It's Me! The EXGirlfriend of Dr Jekyl

The Narcissists Girlfriend

Apr 5 - 3AM (Reply to #49)
Alissa
Alissa's picture

Hi EX gf of Dr Jekyl

Nov 18 - 7AM
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

An Ending To My Story with Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde

Hi Girls, it has been a year and a week since I first joined in here on this website. It has proven to be a beacon of light, support and learning...and I cannot say enough how much I appreciate Lisa for creating this place for us to learn about NPD, ourselves...and to begin to heal. And how much it has meant to me to have the support of you guys here too! I took along time to leave my NARCOPATH, Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde. I attempted a number of times to leave him and to remain NC...only to be hoovered like crazy...or scared out of my wits...to return to him. Well, you may be proud of me to learn that I have a new life...3,300 miles away from him...and back home in my own country, surrounded by my family and friends who care about me. It has been a wild ride being on HIS 'Roller Coaster' and living with all HIS drama. I became reactive and felt my self-confidence, dignity and self repect diminishing with every day I was with this man. One minute he would be SO loving, smiling and enthusiatic...only to become a raging blaming monster at the drop of a hat! The cognitive dissonance within me...trying to grasp and comprehend that he was NOT the 'Prince Charming' he pretended to be...and was actually a very destructive dishonest and abusive man...was and has been VERY painful to grasp. I was lost in this phase for quite a while...wanting to believe he was the 'great guy' he sometimes would appear to be (and 'used to be'...but really never was)...and that his dark side was an 'aberation' and only temporary. Finally accepting the TRUTH...that he *is* what he *is*...and no amount of ANYTHING would change this,...has been very hard. As it has been for each of us here....one of the hardest parts of having a relationship with these guys...is accepting they are NOT the man we first fell 'in love' with...that they were wearing a 'mask' of being 'Mr. Wonderful' only to bait us and secure 'supply' from us...and even MORE difficult to accept and understand that he IS the mean & messed up person 'behind the mask'....and that what first appeared to be a dream relationship...would eventually become a nightmare of grand proportions...leaving us with much undeserved damage to our own lives and alot of healing to do. I can attest to the fact that these guys DO NOT CHANGE! No matter if they put on an incredible act for you and everyone around them. What they are inside is what they always will be...despite any protestations that they are somehow a 'changed man'...or will 'do better'...etc.etc.etc... Mine has lied and cheated his way throughout our relationship. And it took a very long time for me not only to see this (he is incredible at hiding his 'secret life' and extracuricular activities)...but I learned that there is nothing...absolutely NOTHING I could do about it...He would just get better and better at hiding his behavior and dishonesty. All the times I would find out about an OW...he would already be off cultivating a new little affair...I actually found some of his profiles from years ago on singles websites...that were active even now, that he actually never stopped this behavior...and that, inspite of being found out a long time ago, and promising to never do this again, that he was still on these websites from work...being the predator that he is...always looking for as much validation and attention that he could find...NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE GOT FROM ME!!!...On some of these profiles...he actually used the photo of a friend of his...pretending to be someone else...my best guess was to hide his activites from me incase I found out. I found his condoms...and so many other 'clues', including receipts for some of the restaurants and places across town that he had gone to during his work day...all the while when I thought he was at his office...working...I found the Bank statements where he had withdrawn $200 or more dollars in cash from the ATM (many times)...but the next day, had only a $20 in his wallet...where did it go between there and home? Well, he certainly didn't spend it on me! I found women's business cards...pieces of paper with their phone numbers and names...and when I found these...he started to write phone numbers with MEN'S names and say it was a business aquaintance...this worked for a while...I actually didn't catch on,,,until I found he had written a man's name 'Louis' beside my own new cell phone number on a piece of paper, probably incase the OW found it...He was a big list keeper (one of his downfalls) and he kept a list of women he had hidden (that I found)...and beside one of the names he had written 'avail. Thursdays only', and another..'avail Tuesdays'...and when I checked out who these women were and looked up their names...I discovered that many of them were married. How convenient for him! The truth was...when I met this man, I was radiant, very pretty, slender, healthy, happy all the time...singing, joyful and had a great job. I was self confident, had alot of personal dignity...was very self aware...introspective yet outgoing and friendly...a very positive person! I am intelligent and educated...and smart...and had alot going for me...like all of us here...because we are the type of women they look for...But now?...I am sad, tired, I've gained weight, feel unhealthy and worn out, have less self esteem after all his lies, cheating, confusing behaviors, rages, blame, cheating and abuse...in other words...being with my NARCOPATH BF has taken a huge toll on me...and I have alot to do to get strong and try to be the positive happy woman I once was. ...I lost count of all the women's phone numbers...all the calls and hangups at home...all the times I actually pretty much'caught' him...all the times he would rage...all the neglect, every night he spent on porn...leaving me to fall asleep alone upstairs...night after night after night...all the angry outbursts and threats and abuse when I would invite him to spend time with me...or dare to confront him...only for him to then instantly be smiling and charming and affectionate after being so swiftly violent & abusive...After a while you get used to this sick behavior...the back and forth, up and down...so many times...and that is another way they damage you...violate your boundaries...change you...slowly, deliberately breaking and wearing you down.One minute they adore you and you are the love of their life...and the next you are a 'b*tch' and worse...as they D&D you in the cruelest ways without mercy. I am SO grateful to be out of such a toxic relationship with him...I know he is furious and angry about me leaving him!...But I am not looking back...this time I am SO NC...with 3,000 miles between us...so he can't find me...he cannot get to me to scare the wits out of me...or charm me with his lethal smile and hoovering...ever again! I wish with all my heart that I had NEVER met this man...not ever in this lifetime or any other! But unfortunaltely I did meet him...and spent the last nearly 4 years in this destructive realtionship...with a snake who appeared to be every woman's 'dream man'. He will never change...but I have...and someday, when I heal...I hope I can say that I have changed for the better...certainly I will be more alert for the 'red Flags, not ignore my upset stomach and intuition...or the advice and warnings from my family and friends. I will definately be more careful about relationships...or actually I am really happy to just have many 'friends' and never have a 'relationship' with a man ever again. Perhaps someone will come along who will help me change my mind on that...but for now...I am perfectly okay and content to live my life alone...rather than EVER be in a toxic relaitonship like this again! Love to you all! XOXO I will write and keep you guys posted...as I know this may be the hardest part for a while...but I anticipate passing through this phase quickly...I am on a quest to find the woman I once was...and BE her once again...but this time I will be much 'wiser' and listen to my own inner compas...and listen to those that know me and love me most...
Sep 20 - 10AM
WiserNow30
WiserNow30's picture

Tragic

The girlfriend story is exactly like mine minus the violence although he was definitely up for psychological warfare. I dated him for a year and was engaged to him briefly. Of course he was rushing to get to the altar (major red flag!!!) I'm a Christian woman that got away from God for a while, which probably is the reason that I ignored so many red flags and was more susceptible to believing his lies in the first place. The tragic part of all of this is that even though these men appear to have no souls, they do have souls. One day my ex will have to stand before God and explain everything that he did to me and the countless others. He will have to explain how he even manipulated my faith in God to gain more control and appear to be the perfect person for me. He will have to explain the Bible verses that he put up in his house even though he is really an evil person. Of course he will have no good explanation and God is the ultimate Judge. He won't be able to lie to God. He was trying to marry me so that he could use me for everything that I have to offer (good credit, financial stability, appearance of a normal life). All the while, not caring that he would have ruined my life. God has the best memory and he doesn't forget. I know that my ex's time will come. I find comfort in Psalm 5: 1 Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my sighing. 2 Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. 3 In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. 4 You are not a God who takes pleasure in evil; with you the wicked cannot dwell. 5 The arrogant cannot stand in your presence; you hate all who do wrong. 6 You destroy those who tell lies; bloodthirsty and deceitful men the LORD abhors. 7 But I, by your great mercy, will come into your house; in reverence will I bow down toward your holy temple. 8 Lead me, O LORD, in your righteousness because of my enemies— make straight your way before me. 9 Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongue they speak deceit. 10 Declare them guilty, O God! Let their intrigues be their downfall. Banish them for their many sins, for they have rebelled against you. 11 But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. 12 For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield. God protected me with his shield and I will praise him for it.
Sep 21 - 10AM (Reply to #45)
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

Thank You for the Sweet Message WiserNow30

I am sorry you went through a similar experience with your EX. These guys are so good at being incredibly destructive...what they do so often affects us very deeply... Thank you for sharing a Bible verse to comfort my spirit! How kind of you! It is sometimes easy to forget we have a strong resource and 'shield' protecting and caring for us...when we feel confused and helpless for a time. Being reminded of our personal faith also reminds us that we have support and inner strengths to help us heal and get on with our lives! It is especially heinous when they use our own personal 'faith' or beliefs as a lure into their evil web! And then, use that same faith against us later...or cause us to lose hope and faith in our lives. Hope you are recovering and doing well now that you are away from him. Have you told your story yet here? Blessings to you! Thank you again for your kind words. xo
Sep 16 - 12AM
sweetsamm
sweetsamm's picture

Yep..........

Well girlfriend......sounds like my ex...i don't mean this in a bad way,but i'm glad i'm not the only one who went through this. Just reading what you wrote,i could predict each new paragraph,because it all happened to me...the porn,hookups,beatings,etc.....I like you,thought i had met prince charming,now looking back I think my whole 10yrs of my life was a complete lie,I,like you,had no idea he was hooking up with other women on lunch breaks,etc...and the masturbating,he started blaming me,saying I never wanted to have sex,which was such a crock,i'm very sexual,and love sex,but not at 6am before he went to work.....that's the only time he ever tried..i'm just so glad to be away from that sick creep....now imagine this...'them as pathetic 80yr old men still masturbating to crazy porn and no real person by their side" that image is priceless....and will be the best revenge....
Sep 14 - 6AM
jaycee
jaycee's picture

girlfriend's story

Oh girlfriend, I am so sorry you had to go through this, they are subhuman and the truth of who they are is devastating. I unfortunately was married to a narc for twenty four years, and believe me, accepting the truth of who he really is only five months ago, is unbearably painful. So grateful you found out before you married him and had children with him. Mine was everything you said, minus the real physical abuse, pushing and shoving, breaking things and kicking me a couple of times, but never that violent, raging absolutely, and crazed when frustrated, yes. the porn sites, being spent from too much sex, yes, leaving work to screw other women and have affairs, yes. he always has at least two or three, one being a serious affair, this time, when he continued with the evil bitch homewrecker, who knew of me, laughed at me, tortured me with phone calls and putting things in my mailbox, following me into stores, laughing in my face ect... i packed his crap in garbage bags and dumped them on her doorstep, little did i know he settled in fine with her, still lives there, but still has two others I know of for sure. he continues to text me, call me, come here (as I have to tread lightly because he pays for everything here) which seems to be uncharacteristic of a narc, but we have two kids, one which still lives here, and thanks to him fn her up, she will be here for a long time (she self medicates over all the shit i put up with over the years and his mind fn of her, his own child) his whore he lives with seems to think she won, little does she know (as i am assuming she believes she saved him from his horrible life with me) he is a serial cheating narc and what he did with her, he does too her......enough about me, you are brave and strong, and you ran before it was too late, unlike me, i allowed him to do all of that and still stayed with him, I wish when i first found out about him, i took the kids and ran, instead even when he walked out on us years ago, i believed his crap and took him back. I envy you, you are hero, you did the absolute right thing, you had enough self respect to get rid of him before you destroyed your entire life. Be proud of yourself, even if you feel that horrible pain of betrayal everyday, you loved yourself enough to get out, i pray your pain and saddness goes away very soon, and that you find a real man, not a beast out to take your soul. there are good guys out there who do know what love and respect are, and someday, I too, will find him. Good luck to you.........hugs jaycee

Jaycee

Sep 14 - 7AM (Reply to #38)
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

Wish I could say~I'm outta here!

Jaycee, Thank you for your kind words. I must confess something though, and it is hard to admit here...but I am still with this clown! I went back...and he insisted that I sublet my apartment downtown (I agreed so I could save the rent money each month to put away in a little 'nest egg' so I could escape eventually, which he doesn't know about)...it was not the best decision I have made in my life, but I guess I thought I could handle him and save some money while planning to leave him. He hoovers, abuses and stalks me...all the while he is always hooking up with OW and playing around...whenever I have left him and been NC (longest over 2 months and I was starting to feel good again)...well, he calls 40 times a day, harrasses and wears me down constantly non-stop, stands outside in the dark looking into my windows at my apartmet downtown at 1am, leaves me raging abusive messages...then switches to the 'honeymoon phase' after wearing me down...and hovers the goodness outta me...promises he will change, knows he has been a 'bad boy' (sick!) etc. I no longer believe him, and I know he is a NARC/Psycho pathological person...but he is so manipulative...incredible! He is a REAL Dr. Jekyl & Mr. Hyde incarnate! That and the Devil too. ...I guess I figured that it was just easier to go back so he would calm down...I DO have a good plan in place...getting all my 'ducks' in a row, so I can vanish one day...far away...where he cannot locate me or come to stalk me or harrass me anymore. Being with him right now is difficult, but I am strong and aware now...I may know how to field the blows...so to speak...and how to 'feed he beast' alot of 'supply' to placate him and keep him from abusing me as much as possible. But I also KNOW he is dangerous to me on many levels...most of all...my self esteem and self respect took a nose dive since I have been with him, and work on that each day...and go to counseling and have support. Just didn't want to dissappoint you, but even though I sound wise...I am still with him...and regretting it. Soon I WILL be away from him...safe and far away...and looking forward to a happier future without him... Never again will I be with a man who is like this! I would rather be a SPINSTER fr the rest of my life! Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate!
Sep 14 - 7AM (Reply to #42)
jaycee
jaycee's picture

wish i could say im outta here

Girlfriend, I feel your pain, as i too, am stuck, placating to this monster, even though he lives with his whore. I have to play nicey nicey, but im actively seeking a new job which will allow me to make much more money than i had in the past, and then when i can afford to get out of the house or pay it on my own, well half of it, as that will be in the d settlement im sure, i will no longer have to play these games. i see where you are coming from, but you need to get out fast, before he injures you seriously. If you can do as others have suggested, journal everything, log everything, and get some legal help. then before he realizes it, find a place to stay, even if with friends, until you can get another apt somewhere where he cannot find you, have it put under a different name, a man's name if possible, and have no house phone, do a pre paid cell phone and only give it to your most trustworthy friends and family, nothing he can trace. you need to get away from him for your own safety, hes a psycho and he will hurt you............i dont fear the physical with mine, i do fear the psychological and emotional, he knows better than to touch me, now that we are not together he would have to deal with my family and extended family as i would go to them now. i just wish i could break free emotionally and psychologically and move on....someday i will and it will be soon. please protect yourself, let me know you are ok..........jaycee

Jaycee

Sep 14 - 7AM (Reply to #39)
hooklineandsinker
hooklineandsinker's picture

Dude. I just saw your

Dude. I just saw your second post. Are you still with him? Time for the police. Seriously. Start a log book of every single incident of harrassment, every abusive phone call, every incident of him staring in your windows. Make a copy and bring it with you to the police when you make a report. God that staring in the window thing gives me the creeps. See, this is the kind of thing that kinda makes me wonder whether mine is a real narc or not. I might as well have fallen off the planet for all the attention he pays me. Even though a few months ago I was the "light of his life", he now doesn't care whether I live or die, by all appearances. I'm not for a minute suggesting that any kind of stalking or harrassment is preferable - god no. But it's just weird the way some just disappear and others keep coming back.....
Sep 14 - 10AM (Reply to #40)
wholeagain
wholeagain's picture

Narcs come in all shapes and sizes.

Some do what Girlfriend's is doing, some do what yours is doing. Don't let her story make you wonder if you were dealing with a narcissist or not.
Sep 14 - 1PM (Reply to #41)
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

Funsize

It is true, though most of these guys have commonalities...they all come in different shapes and sizes...some never come back...even if a large percent of them DO. Many are not physically abusive and some never 'rage'...or sometimes their ability to 'lose it' or be abusive doesn't come out until months or years later...The point is just how incredibly good they are at 'acting' and hiding behind a 'mask' of sanity and 'goodness'...If I had broken up with mine and he had stayed gone the first time...I would have only known he had the capacity to have been with someone else without me knowing...but I STILL thought he was so GOOD and SO wonderful at that point (almost a year into the relationship)...and I wondered if I had somehow not 'been enough'...and was so confused about how things seemed to have changed so suddenly. I don't want you to beat yourself up wondering if it is 'YOU'...the problem is HIM!!! Okay? If he and I had broken up at the 8 month mark of our dating...I would have been so hurt and bewildered too...just as you are now, as there were no real signs to let you know what you were really dealing with here...because like you now, at that point I did not know ANYTHING about his ability or history to be abusive...and would have NEVER believed he was a NARC. Part of the danger of that was I kept making excuses for him...kept trying to make things better...and kept going back...I was searching for ways to NOT believe he 'is what he is'...I wanted to find that wonderful man he was at first and make him be that again!!! Please don't measure whether yours was a NARC or not according to other stories here, including mine. When I say that you may not have been with him long enough to see all the 'REAL' him...you certainly saw enough to conclude what he IS...because a normal guy doesn't do the things yours did...the confusing part is he appeared so 'wonderful'...but you found out that he isn't....and now you have some healing to do. You are in the right place. Learning about this is one of the things that will help you heal and get strong again.
Sep 14 - 2AM
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

Just Found This For 'Funsize' as requested

Okay Funsize, here is the story. Perhaps you will see some similarities to YOUR story...all of us have many of the same 'experiences' with our Narcissists in our own stories...it is uncanny! Hope you are feeling better today. Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate!
Sep 14 - 7AM (Reply to #36)
hooklineandsinker
hooklineandsinker's picture

Jesus Christ. Words fail

Jesus Christ. Words fail me. What a seriously deranged and lethal man. What a terrifying experience. The similarities are there in the charming manner, the total reliability and the inseperability. How did yours manage to keep up the mask for a full year? I'm astounded. Mine was never violent but often had a kind of piercing look in his eyes especially when he was talking about something that pissed him off. I seriously don't know when he would have had the time to cheat during the course of the normal working day, unless it was with someone from work. However he did travel a lot for work so I suppose ample opportunities there. I really hope you are fully or nearly-fully recovered from this godawful experience. Did you ever make a police report about the assault? These things are criminal offences and should be treated as such. I am very angry today but not at him, just at life in general for me still being alone at age 42. I think he's starting to fade but I know that if he came back and suggested dinner or something, I would probably go (after questioning him on his motives for asking me in the first place, eg: and why would I spend one second more of my life on a man who insisted on staring at me with vicious hostility the last time we spoke? or with a man who found me so sexually repellent that he couldn't bring himself to make love to me for 5 weeks? Answer me that). And if he suggested getting back together I would insist on couples counselling from the outset. Is he still stalking you? Again, this is a criminal offence in most jurisdictions and I would look into making a statement to the police. Thanks for sharing GF.
Aug 26 - 11AM
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

Here it is

Just bumping up the story for someone who may be looking for it. Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate!
Jun 17 - 11AM
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

Hi there, sorry didn't see the question you asked 'Neveragin5' !

How did I find out about his past arrests and legal problems from his violent abusive behaviors?...Well as things began to unravel, I went searching for answers. The first time he acted abusive (after a year and a half together he threw something (newspaper) across the room in a sudden fit, something he had never done before) I really began to look into finding out more about him. I already had learned how well he could lie by then becasue of finding out about his cheating, but did not know about his violent side at all!...anyway......He kept copies of everything in his files at home, even about his dvorce and I mean everything, including little notes, etc...I never snooped on him before, but after he had cheated I was less trusting of him, rightfully... and then when some of his abusive behaviors started showing more and more..I went into those files and DID snoop...to protect myself. I found what appeared to be several 'restraining orders/peace bond' documents and police reports in his files. They were in french, so I could not read them in entirely....he later was able to convince me (CON me)...into believing these were all false accusations...and since he had been mostly SO wonderful to me...and I wasn't ready to see the truth...I allowed him to semi-convince me that these incidents had all been misunderstandings during 'little arguements' (according to him) with his ex-wife, and his vindictive (supposedly) ex-GF. I know better now. The time I learned about his arrest for Road Rage and Assault& Battery...a police officer came to our door just when we were leaving for work...they had been investigating him for months...and while I was standing there confused and upset, he was ordered to either agree to turn himself in for fingerprinting/photographing and be charged...or they would handcuff him and take him in right then. It was awful...as he had never mentioned anything about any of this...I did NOT know...He of course...AGAIN...tried to get me to think that these were all 'false accusations'...but this time I wasn't buying it as much...especially when he had to go through a criminal trial because of it later... There were other incidents like this...Finally I also was able to read the police reports about his other arrests and trouble with the law, as they were listed in the court documents (CPS) under his previous arrests and reports with law enforcement...so I got a clearer picture of the REAL man I was with...started to look pretty awful, had a hard time reconciling he was even capable of such things...and I am NOT a stupid woman...guess I was in denial, ...then of course there was the day he actually BEAT me...we were not even arguing...he was just in a foul mood all day (it was Christmastime and he was being such a jerk to me all day, just before he burst int a rage...for abosultely nothing...I had just asked him why he seemed to be upset all day)...it was very traumatic...and THAT left no doubt about what he was capable of. How did I find out abut the other women he cheated with? I wrote quite alot about that in this thread and other posts. He's a real catch...this one!!! Definitely changed the course of my life...a very hurtful experience. Inspite of things I experienced in my life, I was never jaded before...now I feel a bit 'jaded' about relaitonships and about men in general. This is just some of the damage they leave you with...and the hurtful memories...mixed with the good times...makes for a very confusing situation...takes alot of support and counseling to find your way out of it. Forget love - I'd rather fall in chocolate!
May 10 - 10PM
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

Girlfriend

I am just left speechless....how did you find out about his history of violence?
Apr 21 - 9AM
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

Dr. Jekyll / Mr Hyde...the Office Romeo, Lothario, Casanova

Someone asked about my 'story' but for some reason said they couldn't find it, so ...just bumping it for her to make it easier to find and read. Maybe she knows him too??? Wouldn't be suprised at all! Heaven help his next victim...hope she finds her way here to this support forum...as I am sure she will need some help after she eventually & inevitably learns the truth about him...hope she figures things out and leaves him much sooner than I did...as having a relationship with THIS pathological beast of a man has been life altering for me in every way.
Mar 12 - 8AM
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

I think this has already worked!

I posted him on a couple of places like 'dontdatehimgirl.com. I think it has already worked because some of the female co-workers he has carefully cultivated into his 'exclusive club of admirers' have recently been distancing themselves from him...I noticed it when I 'suprised' him at work for lunch later...he wasn't getting all the attention he always seemed to be getting in the past...maybe everyone is just tired of his constant need to give advice and get attention. He is polite...but acts like an authority about everything under the sun! YAaaaaaaay!!! If it spares even one woman from falling for his Charm... I recommend also using these websites for checking out any future 'dates' too. Certainly not all pathologicals are posted on such tell all websites...but alot are! Uggg...you should see some of these guys! Someone asked to see a pic of him, so I posted one of us on this thread at the top (I will remove it eventually), it was taken 2 years ago. Yes! We look like the kind of couple who has it all...but NO...because he is a Psychopath/Narcissist...it was all an illusion... I think he is more dangerous in some ways...because he attracts ALOT of women. He is the proverbial 'tall, dark & handsome' 'dream guy'...and boy does he play the role with finesse...until the mask starts to slip and you see behind the disguise.
Mar 12 - 9AM (Reply to #26)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Girlfriend

check him on truedater.com then add him... playerblock.com is another good one ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 22 - 9AM (Reply to #27)
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

Thanks Barbara

...Sometimes he googles himself (of course HAHAHA, what a Narc/Psycho)...and some of the websites with his info will come up when you google his name...I checked this out. Especially the 'Don't Date Him Girl" website...which is okay with me...but I think I will need to be out of town and moved far away before posting too much about him because he will be VERY angry and can become VERY violent if he sees the posts... This article you posted is EXACTLY how my Narc/Psycho BF thinks and is his daily mantra... http://masksofsanity.blogspot.com/2009/06/who-am-i.html 'Prince Charming is a Narcissistic/Psychopathic pathological TOAD! Hate him.
Mar 22 - 1PM (Reply to #28)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Girlfriend...

WHEN are you moving out??? ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 22 - 2PM (Reply to #29)
The Girlfriend ...
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's picture

Making plans

I am so ashamed to be here with him again. He was able to hoover me bigtime back into the relationship after I was successfully NC for several months...at a vulnerable moment he happened to call at the right time and want to take me to dinner...no pressure...what an idiot and fool I am! For a smart classy woman who knows alot about this stuff now and knows who and what HE IS, I cannot believe he got to me again...he is THAT good...OMG I have been hurting all day, and angry at myself for ever breaking NC or even being here at our home once again...he D & D'd me terribly last night again...and he is cheating again with co-workers...such a PsychoJERK!... ...and I feel like such a fool! I read the article about 'leaving them' which is exactly what I have been doing behind the scenes...making all the plans and having all my 'duck's in a row'...because everytime I leave him he becomes crazy and harasses & stalks me, and also acts weird and VERY angry. I live in Canada, but plan to move back (3,000 miles away from him) to the USA ASAP. Waiting for my repatriation assistance and etc. He does not know...for now I'm just biding my time. ...soon Barbara...very soon...I wish I had some ruby red slippers and could just click them together and say "There's no place like home'...and BE there....far away from this piece of filth psycho prince charming. Of all the people I have EVER met on this planet in my lifetime...I can honestly say that HE is the only one I wish I had NEVER met.
Mar 24 - 12AM (Reply to #30)
rache
rache's picture

The Girlfriend

I just hope you do not get an STD from He.ll before you END it for good!
Feb 9 - 9PM
rache
rache's picture

((HUGS))

To you again.I just had to re-read your story.You deserve so much better.I pray you heal quickly and that mr right finds you.reading this makes me concerned about the daughters in this world,not just myself...