The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's Story
The Girlfriend of Dr Jekyl's Story
When I read the other stories here it is as if we all pretty much dated the same man. If only there were only one of them on the planet! We could capture him and put him on an island far away...alone...he would survive...so long as there was the one essential survival tool that he needs...a mirror, so he could admire himself, talk to himself, smile at himself and tell himself how wonderful he is and what a truly great guy he really is. Oh wait! He would also need a computer...so he could be on dating sites, and email/chat/webcam to keep in touch with numerous females for his ego feedings/strokings...while he hides behind the shield/mask of the internet pretending to be Prince Charming...and one more thing...he needs the computer for his favorite pastime...porn...so he can do 'his thing' with himself...several times a day. He would probably be in bliss...with himself. Because it really is 'all about HIM' !!!
I met my Dr. Jekyl in 2007, nearly 3 years ago. We have lived together for the last 2 years (althought I have done one smart thing by keeping my apartment downtown so I always have a refuge to go to)
For nearly the first year he was the most wonderful man I thought I could ever meet. He was tall, dark and handsome, so charming, a gentleman to a fault, seemed like the most decent and honest guy ever, attractive,sexy,intelligent, educated, he had a good job, had his own townhouse,was divorced for 4 years and shared time with his 2 darling little boys. We were inseparable from the get go! He was so affectionate and loving, kissed like a dream...I could kiss him and be in his arms all night! We had a year of the best dates ever! We danced, went to church, fundraising events, sports events, concerts, plays, movies, dinners,hiking, picnics, etc....lots of romance and lots of walks in the evenings hand in hand...it was such a happy year and I was delighted with this amazing relationship!
I was trying to 'date smart' and had observed him carefully before allowing myself to become intimate, watched his interactions with others, got to know him and felt trusting and safe with him...before going to bed with him for the first time. (that first time wasn't great, he was impotent in the end and couldn't complete things, but I chalked it up at that time to his being a bit nervous at first...though I had never experienced this problem with other guys)
When I look back, I see this as a red flag that there were problems to come...that I was not aware of at the time. His sexual dysfunction continued about 50% of the time throughout our relationship though. Sometimes things would work, sometimes he couldn't last, or would have ED. I didn't know what was wrong, but I was very understanding and affectionate...didn't worry about it for a long time into the relationship.
He always kept his word, was always on time for dates and phone calls too. I don't think there has been anyone that I had more fun with and laughed with so much. We couldn't keep our hands off each other...the only time we weren't together that first year was when we were both at work. He spent the nights with me at my apartment, and I spent each weekend with him at his place out of town. If you saw us, you would have thought we were the most compatible and happiest couple...very much 'in love'. He treated me with such respect and regard...and I felt the same about him. He truly could NOT have been more wonderful...It has been devastating as time has proven that the man he pretended to be actually does not exist at all...it was a mask...which has now slipped completely...(so I am now here on this forum like the rest of us, after finding out only too late that our boyfriends/husbands are actually so destructive and pathological)
Little did I know that during his workday that entire blissful incredible first year, he was actually on MSN chat and dating/singles sites/email at his office...deliberately chatting with, meeting and talking to other women everyday...and sometimes even going for coffee or lunch with them...which also sometimes led to sexual encounters with these other women during the day at a hotel across from his office. There was NEVER any signs that he was this dishonest, a liar and cheater...NEVER! The only red flag I recognize now in hindsight...was his sexual dysfunction...it wasn't that he couldn't get it up at times...it was that he was sexually 'spent' sometimes..because he was also having sex on the side. I NEVER KNEW!
To this day...it is more THAT fact then even the hurt of his cheating. How could he lie so well and I could NOT detect it? I left him after finding this out, after a most wonderul first year of what appeared to be a 'healthy' and happy relationship. I was utterly devastated! A woman had emailed me and told me that my boyfriend had been trying to get her to go out with him for weeks...she thought I should know. I didn't believe her at first, but it proved she was telling the truth when she sent me his emails and pics he had sent her...and I found out she was not the only one. I am grateful she told me, though it hurt so much to find out all this stuff about him,... and I left him then...but after several weeks of his apologies and hearts& flowers routine..I stupidly gave him another chance. Promising never to do this again. He even got fired from his job for being on singles sites and porn at work...I never knew!
Wll, you guessed it, no matter what he promised he continued to lie and cheat...just got better at hidin it. (as if he could get any better at hiding things...but he tried) To this day he tried to conceal his numerous affairs and sexual encounters he had while we were together...but I found out about several of them even recently that took place this last year too. I also found out about his huge porn addiction...another reason he was so sexually 'spent' and dysfunctional at times in bed. He often preferred his own hand and his fantasies...and I found out he was like this long before he ever met me. If only I had known THEN what I know now.
Long story short, my 'wonderful' Prince has turned into the toad he actually IS. It has been one of the most hurtful experiences in my own life, and learning to accept the truth has been very hard.
He didn't just lie and cheat though. He also lied to me about his past history. Only recently did I find out that he has a history of violence...which includes hitting his own mother, pushing her downstairs, abusing his ex-wife so severely the police have photos of her being black and blue from her tailbone to her neck when he beat her again(one of many times)this time while she was trying to shield their newborn son from his blows with her own body as she was holding him. He beat ex-girlfriends, even had criminal charges for road rage and assault on a stranger, and he has numerous police calls made on him and several restraining orders too. All of this I DID NOT KNOW...how could he hide all this so well? He seemed like one of the nicest guys you could ever meet! The first year I was with him there were absolutely NO signs that he had this dark side to him. No signs AT ALL that he could ever be violent or aggressive...NONE!
I found out he was also charged with child abuse and involved with the CPS system from beating his own 2 sons with his fists, etc., leaving bruises where they show onhis own sons,...and where they don't show.
And last Christmas, after he met a new co-worker that he had a crush/fantasy with, he resented me being with him at that time and keeping him from being with 'her'(although I was not aware what was bothering him at the time, just that he was being a jerk to me again)...anyway, he beat ME for the first time then, punching me with his fists and throwing a heavy computer chair on top of me as hard as he could...leaving me with a bruised and bleeding kidney and an injury to my knee that still hurts a year later sometimes. I had to stay in a shelter for battered women for a month. When I broke up with him, he started seriously stalking me. Pretty scary stuff.
I have had a hard time reconciling the difference between who he pretended to be and the reality of who/what he really is. He is one of the most manipulative, charming, confusing, lying, cheating, sex addicted, violent, unstable hurtful men I have ever met...nothing at all like the Prince Charming he appeared to be...soon enough he will be with the next victim...he is already stalking his next prey...and just like me, she will believe she has met the most wonderful man in the world...only someday to find out the truth. I hope she will be smarter than I was...and at the first sign that something is wrong, the first lie she finds out about...the first red flag...that she takes care of herself...and RUNS away as fast as she can...before she is left feeling broken hearted and damaged like me, and everyone else who ever dared to actually love him...or more correctly...love the man he pretends to be...