the girl that psychopaths dream of!!

okay ladies I'm about halfway through reading 'women who love psychopaths'- seems I am the perfect catch for a psychopath. Adventurous,outgoing,empathetic,caring,sensitive and all those other traits that their favorite prey posess.

So my question now is how do I protect myself-become more aware?

Do I have to change who I am? I dont want to go through the same thing again-So any words of wisdom?

cynthia's picture

blow up dolls what have a pulse, and soft skin, and mouth always open for insertion only never to speak, a doll that can cook, clean, make her own living, spread her legs on demand, and say yes God when he speaks. Did I cover it all????
Carolyn's picture

They also like generosity. We are like the seals and they are the great white shark looking for their favorite snack. How can you prevent another shark attack? One ex-victim says she avoids any male who tells her a story, right away, about him being a victim. Especially if it is emotional victimization, a divorce, widower, break-up etc. Also check with other people who know the guy if you can, watch, listen, learn, check out lying. Liars never tell the same story exactly the same way so if you distrust something get him to re-tell it. The details won't be the same. Ask to meet the ex-wife that is a real deal breaker with a narcissist. They don't like questions so ask some. Be wary of any man who wants to 'bond' right away thats not normal for men they have to think things through. Watch out for any instant bonding re-action on your part. They are smart at knowing what you want to hear. they are smart you are smarter. You dance with one you have danced with them all just some of the steps are different but it is all a type of dance.
Barbara's picture

"Make sure you recognize the warning signs of hypnosis: instant rapport, deviating from standard procedure, thinking in superlatives, discounting objective information, and confusion." Emotional Vampires, pg. 48 ~~~ Instant rapport -- That wonderful feeling that you are instantly "clicking" with someone you've just met is a clear warning sign. You have likely stumbled into someone who has either done their research before "accidentally" meeting you or before a job interview, or they are quick to assess what it is you think about yourself and are careful to reflect back to you what you want to hear. Deviating from standard procedure -- Suddenly you find yourself making exceptions and doing things very differently than you normally do for someone! (outside your normal comfort/ ethics/ moral zone) Thinking in superlatives -- You've just met the most wonderful, most incredible, most charming and thoughtful person ever. Big red sign that someone is messing around inside your head. The author says, "distorted perceptions usually involve superlatives". He also points out that the superlatives can be negative too. Discounting objective information -- You've been swept off your feet in no time flat. You're loving how you feel around this person -- so much so that you are now avoiding objective sources of information about this person and your own common sense! Or, if you do hear things you don't want to hear, you tell yourself it is somehow different for you. He was different back then. When you find yourself avoiding getting objective information about this person you have a clear sign in yourself that you're very happy in this little fantasy that's been created for you and don't want the bubble popped. You're in trouble if you keep this up. Remember, this doesn't just apply to romantic partners. It can happen with a fellow church or club member, a co-worker, boss, employee, etc. Confusion -- "Hazy understanding of the reasons for your own reactions, coupled with unusual certainty, is a pretty clear sign that somebody has been messing with your mind." EMOTIONAL VAMPIRES - pg. 29 ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
Barbara's picture

Hell NO! You should NOT change. (I was one of the 75 women interviewed extensively for that book, btw) Brown was pointing out that they target all that's GOOD and DECENT about you. What you need to do is be more aware of them, how they 'control' a relationship (Too Fast, soulmate, sex immediately, trance induction). Brown has a book called HOW TO SPOT A DANGEROUS MAN that's quite good in that regard too. It helps you spot them coming! This might interest you: ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
tasha's picture

for recommending the book and the link, i think i'll be ordering that book next.It seems to be the next best thing to do.
Barbara's picture

here you go: ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
Rose-Marie's picture

Hi Tasha, I feel exactly the same as you! The conclusion I have come to is that we cannot change who we are as that would mean we then become what we are not and that would be a difficult persona for us to maintain, if that makes sense. Next time (if there is a next time), I intend to take things much more slowly and not to give so much of myself too quickly, as I think I am much too trusting and automatically believe that other people are just like me (big mistake). Secondly, I shall become much more aware of "red flags" and act on them instead of ignoring them - particularly with someone who is quick to anger, puts others immediately down (as a result of perceived criticism), or demeans me in any way. Thirdly, and this was common to both Ns in my life - I shall look out for self-referential statements "I am a difficult person", "I am an indecisive person" and believe them when they tell me this, because it is probably the only time they will tell you the truth about themselves. Any sign of any of these traits in the future and the door will be shut and bolted on them. Rosy
tasha's picture

I don't want to change who I am-I like me the I am. I like that I am a caring person and somewhat edgy. I don't want to become a man-hater or a hermit-because I'm scared.I believe there is life after the aftermath. And I want to be able to recognise and make better choices.and though I still se my psychiatrist-I rather listen to those who have walked in my shoes.Theory is one thing and life experience is another.
dolce's picture

I went slow but still got in the N situation! Thats what frustrates me the most. He was honest. He told me his past. About affairs. I thought because he told me about his past in such detail that he had learned from it and he said he wanted to start fresh. That he learned from his past. I think I was fooled in just this way. He knew I demanded the truth and was very intuitive. My point is, even with knowing the truth and seeing the red flags, I walked SLOWLY in. I never put up with any crap, but I am faithful. And once I committed myself I tried all I could to save the marrriage. After all that work in therapy and STILL it happened. Maybe the lesson was to really hear a persons past and know they cant change, but then what about me? Can I change? I sure hope so.
tasha's picture

yes that happened to me also 5 years between my ex husband and the N ex bf(if you can all him that), I'm adamant now that it's not going to happen again.After reading the book-it told me about who I am and why psychopaths like me.Ordinarily in a 'normal' relationship-those personality traits would be fine. Theres seems to be alot of reasons that this happened to me not once but twice. I'm working through those things. I think that I'm dissociative and I have to work on that and learn to trust in myself again.
Barbara's picture

I hope you are in counseling for the PTSD. I think that I'm dissociative and I have to work on that and learn to trust in myself again. 'Dissociative' is a term normally associated with Multiple Personality Disorder. I seriously doubt you are dissociative. Don't use that term about yourself because it's not correct and negatively labelling. Narcs use the trance, hypnotizing & mind control to get us to REPRESS our common sense and gut feelings. If you are an ACON like I am, you were taught to do this since childhood and Narcs hone right in on that. Many victims also come from a view of "there has to be SOME good in everyone." Obviously Narcs teach us this is not true. They are evil. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily "As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck
tasha's picture

No I dont think so either, It was a term my pychologist used with me in relation to my childhood trauma. That I had dissociated what had happened to me-meaning my mind had blocked it all out in order to survive. Yes I read that Narcs use this on us and that we are more suseptable if we have had childhood abuse or neglect. Honest truth Barbara- I learnt that I had post traumatic stress from comming here, I'm not bagging my pychiatrist but intitally I went to see her about the rape. I mostly address the childhood abuse with her rather than the PTSD.She didn't address the PTSD or use that term with me.Though it is commom knowlege that rape victims suffer from this. I figured out that it was probably worst because I had a relationship with the Narc/Rapist awell, which made it more acute. I went to the my doctor and explained what happened to me-he gave me some medication to help. Most of my progress has come from comming here. I think here in Australia-they still see pathologicals as 'just' being abusive or thier fans of Sam Vaknin the only pathologicals they pay attention to over here are the serial killers,serial rapists and paedophiles!!And yet they are all monsters and they are yes EVIL!