Getting Over Narcissistic Abuse

by Crystal Evans

Is this the way you want to continue living for the rest of your life?

This is not what you truly desire. You are involved with an apparition of the man you thought the narcissist was. You are in love with a shell, an image. It is not real and the sooner you accept that the better off you will be. You need to face the music.

The narcissist does not care about you therefore let him know that you care about yourself.

One of the finer points of getting over narcissistic abuse for victims is to accept the narcissist for who he is. It involves understanding that what you are enamored with, is not real but a farce. It is realizing that this man will never be your prince in shining armor. To be blunt he was never a prince, he pretended to be one so that he can get close to you. It is accepting that this individual will not get better, he will get worst. His behavior will not improve. It is like dealing with an overgrown puerile child, he will sulk when he does not get his way, having bouts of violent vituperative outburst throughout your relationship. He will cease to idealize you and the devaluation becomes more frequent as he regains the control that he sought and ultimately decides to destroy you.

You cannot be “too intelligent or trenchant to resist narcissistic abuse", it is just that the more you are exposed to it the less of it you are willing to tolerate. For a while I wanted the narcissistic in my life, but the more I saw the monstrosity that lay beneath that handsome exterior, the more imperative it became that I did not want someone tearing down my self concept with expletives and obscenities whenever I do not comply with his biddings. I realized that I did not need a relationship that was completely one sided. It was merely about pleasing the narcissist and exploiting one’s feelings. I wanted a more profound relationship, something concrete with a deeper level of connection and wholesome experience than what the narcissist is offering.

No one has to settle for the mediocrity that narcissist dishes out in a relationship. The key is discovering what it is that you truly need and having the courage to walk away and let go. It is saying to you that “I do not want to have a relationship with a sociopath. I would rather be alone than live in misery”. The narcissist does not love you. He loves the control that he has over you. He enjoys the adulation that he receives from you. The narcissist is quick to accept compliments yet hesitant to grant even the slightest praise. Narcissists get some sense of satisfaction from the numerous mind games that they play as a means of getting your thoughts and behaviors centered on them and abandoning the needs and desires of your own existence. The more games they play, the more you gravitate to find out what is ultimately the end result. The more you begin to loose yourself and become consumed by the narcissist.

He does not care if you die tomorrow morning. A narcissist once told an ex girlfriend that she 'should prepare for the next phase of hurting and that this time she will not be depressed, she will commit suicide by jumping off a cliff.' It took a comment like that to wake my friend up to the reality of narcissism. The narcissist went on to point out that he saw his abuse as 'not destructive but as a way of making an individual stronger'.

The narcissist does not have a social conscience; he does not see anything wrong with his behavior. He cannot empathize and will never feel emotions for anyone but himself. He will never apologize; to him you are merely an object to fulfill sexual desire. My narcissistic ex friend told me that I should live for me and not for him. That was the best thing that was ever produced from his lips. I decided that I would get this degenerative individual from my life forever. My narcissistic ex friend was a walking contradiction. He spat hot and cold in everything that he did and say. I decided that I could not tolerate that behavior for the rest of my life. He said that I would never forget him and that I needed him to survive. He wished I did, because no one needs a narcissist to survive,

The narcissist does not love you. He does not understand your virtues. He is a shadow, and as long as you are alive you won’t be able to catch your shadow. He is a phantasm, he is not real. He is not who he says he is and he will never be who you want him to be. There is not much hope for improvement.

Leave him because you care and you have decided that he is not worth your time, effort or conscience. Making a mistake is nothing for you to be ashamed of; it is what you do with your life after the misstep is what really counts. It is the aftermath result that really counts. Get back your life now because. when you mope over the narcissist you are giving him double control. He is not there, do not think about him. He is not thinking of you. He is enjoying his life. You need to begin enjoying yours.

http://healthmad.com/mental-health/the-first-step-to-getting-over-narcis...