Genuine apology?

It's very hard for any of us to tell if an apology from ANYONE is genuine. The only way to tell is if their behavior afteward changes, and they stop doing what they apologized for, over a long long period of time, long enough to satisfy us that they really have changed. Lots of people apologize and think that "lowering" themselves with an apology makes it all go away. That's how Narcs operate. Saying "sorry" is just words. What matters is how a person BEHAVES. What they do, how they act. Not what they say. That doesn't just go for Narcs, that goes for everyone. The thing is . . . when a Narc apologizes, it is SO rare, so startling, that a person can get fooled that something really special has happened. My god, he said he was sorry? HIM??? He must have had a personality transplant!! OMG, he's changed!! Wrong. He's horny, or got a sense that your head is getting screwed on straight and he's hoovering to get you back in his control. If Hannibal Lecter apologized to you for eating your brother, would you think his apology was genuine? Hell no, we all know Hannibal Lecter is a psychopath. But do you know that your Narc is a Narc? Are you really convinced he is? If you were totally convinced, you would know he could not give you a genuine apology. Ever :( . He's not capable of it.

The ex-Psych professor HATED my good memory (his was incredibly selective-I don't think he forgot for real, I think he toyed with memory) After he had D&D'd me, I'd be BEGGING him for an apology, and he'd say, exasperated, "Move on" "Will you let it go?" I told him I didn't like being discarded like garbage, that he had made me feel worthless. In my freshman year, I remember him saying in exasperation (after calling him out on a lie),"You remember everything I say!" Yeah, those da*n memories. May they come back to haunt you, ex-P. May they drive you mad. May you be like Orestes barely able to cling to his shreds of sanity.

oh that's so damn funny....my exhn used to say the same thing. he would get so upset that "I don't forget anything". Nope, you are right. I don't forget how it felt being punched in the face holding our 5 week old, running through the cold and rain, 9 mths pregnant, from his raging narc abuse.....I didn't forget being called a f***** bitch and c***. I know he would rather me forget those little issues, but for some reason I just couldn't. They would rather we just forget than they can keep us as their source of constant supply if we forget and pretend these little things never happened. They are sick honey. This is absolutely not a genuine apology. It is not even close. You get your fabulous self back on the NC wagon because he is screwing with your mind. You are giving your power and control away. You are giving him the "right" and the opportunities to keep you in a constant state of second guessing yourself, and you will always be confused and trying to figure something out if you remain in contact. You are going through the ummm, what is it cognitive dissonance. Nc will solve that. I hope I don't sound too harsh. I hate to see good people suffering at the hands of these idiots.

no it's not. anyway, if he's a N, it's my understand their appologies are never sincere because they dont give a crap. Dont feel bad because you stood up for yourself!

then why say them then, oh i know to upset you. altho exh .and n cant get in touch with me. no communication at all,cept if they go thru other people, and even then i dont listen. BUT, if either of these lowlife,s sent me a text like this,now, i am nc.. i would cut there balls off and use them as earings followed by an "apology", that reeks of insincerty, like your one has and say sorry i hurt you, i would be texting from a police cell, but it would be worth it.

then at the end of it slammed you for your darn inconvenient memory! The only thing that's genuine about this is that it's a genuinely typical narcissistic "apology". I'm sorry darlin, it's not anywhere near the real deal.

I understand how you feeel BUT...It's a big BUT too! He is playing games with you honey. He is being apologetic b/c he knows your upset and wants you to be his NS in some way. A friend of mine gave me great advice once, she said "When someone makes a statement or texts you a statement and at the end of the statement there is a "BUT" proceeded by anpther statement, you must IGNORE the statement before the "BUT" and understand the "But stands for an explanation of their TRUE feelings..The statement before the BUT was to reel you in. Maybe this is not true but I always pay attention to a BUT..I do it myself. Read what he wrote: "just that we had not signed up to anything!" Then he said. .. "but the damage is done because you have a non erasable memory!"..See the BUT? Plus, I cannott tell you how many times my H narc said "We can't move on because you cant forget." Translation: "We can't move on because I can no longer manipulate me." This is my take on it, I could be wrong but this is my expeirce.

The thing is with these people that have to keep letting you know that they dont want you. Fine if you dont want me then dont want me then dont keep telling me stuff to keep me hanging on. They give you just enough to keep hanging on. Just be done. Oh no they dont want it to be done. They want you alright the more they tell you they dont the more they do because you are good supply Normal people end relationships sometimes on a good note and sometimes on a bad note but they end. To these people its like a ping pong game. If he didnt want a relationship with you then fine. Why does he have to call you to tell you that. Why does he have to tell you about his job? Why does he tell you anything? Once again his subtly trying to let you know they you are inferior to him in effort to stroke his ego at your expenses. Theres a common thread these people never end relationships theres just always a big question mark but never a period. They dont want it to end.