gaslighting/crazymaking , First and last... His arrogance busted him.

I feel it is important for me to get this out.Sorry for it's length and detail.

My first gaslighting experience with my ex disordered husband.I didn't know what it was. I gave it a different perspective at the time. A HUGE MISTAKE.I'm glad that I can see the game now...hopefully I will be able to sort out half of my lifetime of many sick experiences with him and put it all to rest. I think I get itnow..the TRUTH...finally. I hope I can heal and forgive myself for the failure of my marriage.

I don't want to live in fear and confusion any longer.

Am I thinking clearer? Feedback very welcomed.

A few in to my relationship with mr. wonderful.(puke) He was watching my 1 year old son in my home while I ran some errands. I came home and opened the door to find a glowing burner on the stove..my son playing on the floor near it and my ex sleeping on the couch. I rushed in and shut it off saying wake up...wake up and I was really upset to find him sleeping. This was the 3rd time that I came home to him sleeping and I thought we had thoroughly covered the reasons and the risks before. I did and said what any normal mother would have. I was so afraid.. because this time there was danger and explained that he shouldn't fall asleep and leave my son unattended.He argued that he wasn't really sleeping...he only dozed off for a second...and that I was making a big deal out of nothing. He said he didn't do it on purpose.I said I needed to know that he understood WHY he needed to either stay awake or call me. I suggested many ways to stay awake.
He got sick of my suggestions and kept telling me that I was over reacting.

He insisted that he wasn't sleeping long. Just nodded off for a second.No harm done...let it go.

I checked my son and his diaper was soaked...toys everywhere and a few glasses spilled on the tables and said it looks like you were sleeping or not paying attention for a long time...but it didn't matter... you can't leave him unattended...I referred to the burner, the danger, the CLOSE CALL and how quickly something bad could happen. That's when things got strange. He began telling me that I was mistaken, that the burner was not on and I really got upset. I argued with him for an hour on and off while I bathed my son and put him down for the night. After an hour of him telling me that The burner was never on and no harm was done..I stopped myself and thought what am I doing here....this guy is sick. I ended the relationship. He couldn't be trusted and was telling me that I didn't see the burner on!NOT worth the risk.

About a month later...he calls. Apologizing..he is so sorry. He missed me, my son and my family. He explained that yes he did fall asleep and he knew the burner was on and he felt like an ass for the lies. He apologized for upsetting me and making me feel like I was crazy. I accepted his apology but was not offering myself back to him. He then wanted me to know why he did it. He told me about his childhood and how his father was always so mean...and no matter what he did right in his childhood...it was never good enough for dad. He told many detailed stories of his fathers mistreatment of him. He told me how harsh and critical his father was for little things. He told me that he lied to me because he was afraid that I'd be like his dad every time he made a mistake. He told me his dad never spent time with him and showed him how to do things and if he did he never had patience with him. I listened and forgave him and he promised he would never lie to me and I was not like his dad. He had bought new hedge trimmers and wanted to at least trim the hedges that he had put off doing. He also wanted to see my family for my Mothers birthday. THE TRAP WAS SET and I WALKED right in. I gave him another chance. Looking back...HE already knew then HOW to apologize and work me. HE KNEW me well in such a short time. It makes my skin crawl.Predator. If this was the only thing he did...I'd be on a cruise with him and not here today.

The next time he did this..."calling black, white crap. I was already committed and our lives were enmeshed.

He was very careful...not to do this type of thing again until the relationship was locked in and then I just lived with it...I'll talk about all the other MANY things he did another time.

I have to say....I became exhausted by having to be so sharp all of the time and I could never trust him with anything important.
In the last few years( we were together for 21 before we separated) he gaslighted all the time. I recall him trying to convince me that water ran uphill at the end of our relationship.The arrogance! I knew he thought he had worn me down to the point where I'd be doubting myself at that time but I thank GOD for giving me an excellent memory and audio and video recorders ....They saved my sanity. At the time I thought he was just trying to get out of the landscaping work.. or he needed sick attention.I now know he was SICK and harming me.I remember thinking...this is sick..why am I doing this..I am not going to let him try to convince me that water runs uphill!!..and I knew that if anyone else was around..that this would not be happening.He gaslighted me everyday but this time HE WENT TOO FAR. I had to face how sick he was. I think I went into shock, then and there.

I always referred to myself as a SPORT for him.He never ran red lights...I was mistaken and crazy and he loved it.

I feel sick and my head hurts...there is so much more to tell but I've done enough venting and found enough TRUTH for today.

His being a victim of his father GOT ME and held me. I later found out that he had a really great dad. It was his mother that was JUST like him and his father was the victim of BOTH of them. SICK
Please don't let this happen to you.