Garden's Goodbye Letter
Garden's Goodbye Letter
It's time to write my goodbye letter. I don't know what will come out of me and I'm a little hesitant, but here goes. Thanks for being here for me as I continue to work the steps to heal.
I have wanted to write this letter for a long time. It's been 4 years almost to the day since you abandoned me and left me for dead. My friends said you left me like a dog on the side of the highway. How could the love we shared have come to that? You were my everything. I thanked god that you came into my life in my later years. I looked forward to growing old with you.But that's all gone now.
There is a lot you don't know. You didn't want to know what happened to me after you abandoned me. You hung up the phone when I cried for help. I was in shock for a long time. I lost the sense of who I was and what I thought my reality was. My dreams and hopes died. I died, just like you wanted me to. But what you don't know is how I also rose from the ashes like a phoenix. How deep my strength to survive was. How determined I was to not only survive, but thrive and use this terrible lesson for my good.
I walked around in a fog, crying. I immediately volunteered at the hospital giving comfort to those dying, hoping by doing so I would find a purpose in living and thereby help myself.I didn't trust anyone after you did this to me. I was scared of everyone. I had to take housing in a dangerous place because you took all my money. That year was hell. Going home meant waiting for drug dealers to step away from my front door. Sitting in the parking lot in the dark waiting wondering how far I had fallen from my previous life. You would have enjoyed seeing that. Seeing how far down I had gone. You bastard.Could you have survived what you put me through? I doubt it. You are a coward and a thief and one of the most evil people I've ever come in contact with. While I was suffering, trying to hold my world together, you simply moved in with your mother and father who took care of your every need. While I was finding the basics in life, like food and shelter, you were buying a new motorcycle. You laughed at my pain and my situation, so proud of the suffering you caused. I hope there is justice in this world and that you get what you gave me. You will crumble under the stress.
Even through all of that, the pain, confusion, loneliness, poverty, embarrassment..I felt love for you. When I love someone, it is true and long lasting. I tried not to love you, but I hate to say, I did. I still do sometimes, as crazy as that sounds.
How do you sleep at night? What kind of things do you have to tell yourself to simply put this behind you and ignore my pain? Oh, how you justified it! It was YOUR money you stole? No. It was our money until you stole it, then it was YOUR money! Do you remember when you finally said you would send some back, that you would wire it and I had to walk very far to get it only to find out you never sent it? You laughed at that too. You told your family that all I wanted was money and they told you not to give me a penny. Did they know you made me homeless and hungry? They didn't care either. But when your mother died, everyone there, you and your dad, wanted my sympathy for your loss. Did you all have any sympathy for me? I was a good wife. I forgave and forgave each and every time you cheated and lied until I finally burst! I couldn't hold anymore of your crap. I became unrecognizable to myself.
I didn't use my brain when I got involved with you. I used my heart. You were perfect for me. You pretended to be everything any woman could want. You kept that up for a long long while.
Every contact with you was painful. My friends got sick and tired of hearing me talk about this. My mother worried about my health. I called you during difficult times. My mom's illness, my father's death, my cancer. You always twisted these moments and confused me when I was looking for comfort. I was used to going to you for comfort, but now you were the giver of pain.
When you wanted to come back after abandoning me I told you things would have to change first, but you said you were not going to jump through hoops for me. Well, I think I am worth jumping through hoops for. As hard as it was, I said no to you and got a quick divorce. You said I would regret it. That if I allowed you back, my friends would be so jealous at what a great husband I would have. You would prove it every day. But how could I trust you after that. I will never forget what you put me through. I will never forget you wanting me to die. I will never forget you braking down the door and throwing me against the wall, calling me a bitch, blaming me for your lies, making my heart break with all your affairs, manipulating me because you saw a soft heart, and conning my kids too into thinking you were someone you were not.
Good thing you didn't come back because my sons were ready to kick the shit out of you for what you did to me. You had a nice surprise waiting for you if you showed up. But you didn't show up and face the music.
I never told my sons how I lived after you left. They thought I was doing fine. They lived out of state and didn't know. I was so embarrassed I didn't tell them. they had always looked up to me and I had my pride.
You let your exwife and daughter abuse me. They did your dirty work for you. You're such a coward. How can your kids have anything to do with you after you abandoned them too?
I saw pictures online of you at your daughters wedding. There was one with you holding the bill and wiping the sweat off your brow. It was meant to be funny, but we both know you didn't pay a dime for her wedding. Another act. You are such a good actor. I saw the one where you were dancing with her. You were crying, wiping away the tears while dancing to daddy's little girl. Tears? Really? You don't love anyone! But these will go in an album somewhere and false memory of events will become real. You're counting on that.
Your exwife told me she forgave you for abandoning her because it was all my fault. You were innocent. I had lured you into an imaginary love affair when you were low and lonely. She said you never loved me because it was a fantasy and she said you told her you left because I was a nutter. How you spin your stories! What a piece of shit you are.
And now you are marrying a girl so young. Half our age. I was hurt by this news but I'm also going to use it to end this story. The story of the love of my life and how he conned me. Next victim! Step right up! Poor girl. I would feel sorry for her, but I'm still sorry for me.
I still dream about you and what you did to me. I have PTSD, thank you very much. Every day I battle the thoughts of what you did. Even though I keep busy, what you did to me is just under the surface and a background tape in my head that I hope soon will be gone. Four years is a long time healing.
What you don't know is how beautiful I am. My heart is pure. I am intelligent and kind. I have talents you will never had. I used this experience and went back to writing, having one success after another. I'm proud of myself for that. But just as I am saying goodbye to you now, I am also saying goodbye to all I wrote about it, and I'm starting new stories and poems. I'm saying hello to new chapters. Different subjects. There is more to life than you.
I wanted you to regret what you did to me, but realize you will never.
Thank you for leaving! I am more than I ever thought I could be...and I'm doing it all on my own! I thought I had to be nice to you so that one day you could regret what you did and in some way I would make you suffer. But what I really want to do is tell you off. I never did that totally, but maybe I will someday, if it's worth my time. Right now, you don't deserve anymore of me.
I hope somewhere, someday you get what you deserve. I will never forgive or forget. You broke my heart. I now know evil is very real in the world and it occupies people you'd never suspect.
Unlike you, I don't want you to die. I want you to suffer.
I don't regret my decision to not take you back. I know that was a shocker for you. You thought you had bagged me. You're a piece of shit and I hope your dick falls off.
Rot in hell.