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Games they play

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#1 Aug 2 - 8PM
venuslovedpluto
venuslovedpluto's picture

Games they play

I haven't been here in awhile. I was busy doing some serious NC and trying to focus on me and then spring came and....aarrggghhh, I suck! I fell back in because I'm a sucker for romance and he was trying sooo hard. So here I am in the hater phase again. Disgusted with him. Disgusted with me. Disgusted with the games. His games. The ones he's innocent of, of course. Can't believe I was sooo easily pulled in (I was telling myself 'hey I can use him. F-it. I can maintain distance'...not so much.) I became angry. At me. Him? Mostly me.

My favorite game: I get irritated at his total lack of empathy. Feeling. I call him on it. He says 'Wow okay gee I'm sorry...I didn't mean to come off that way'...combined with that sweet sincere face and awesome kisses and awesome sex.

My Dad gets sick the next week. I tell him I'm scared. Worried. He says nothing. He says 'Wow it's so hot this morning...off to work...ttyl'

Ow. It feels like I got punished for wanting support, this game. It sucks. I tell him so.

I get; 'I'm sorry I was a dick'.

My response; 'Everyone is a dick sometimes. So am I. My goal...to find the right dick. The one that works 4 me on a broad scope. I'm thinking we have needs that don't quite jive. I don't want to do the cycle again. I'm thinking I would probably rather rip my face off'.

That's the last thing I said to him. NC. I'm out. He responded, I promptly deleted. Everrrryyy single one. Done. He's not even a good f-buddy. He has no feelings.

Aug 3 - 5PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Your absolutely right. If

Your absolutely right. If you are waiting around to get some kind of support from the N you will be waiting for eternity. Its not going to happen. If there was the slightest attempt on his part to offer support it would only be fake anyways and not for you but for him. well maybe there was a reason you had to go back in. I think you need to see more, feel more pain and maybe now it will be NC forever. xoxooxox only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 2 - 9PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Pushmepullyou

My mother once said that "men don't respect women who pursue them"... as if the woman were at fault. My ex-P would pursue me as soon as I avoided him... he even did it when I went NC. My ex-Psychopath played so many games, he made garden variety Narcs look human- 1)That's a way to give thanks- He snapped at me, cruelly, when I gave him sympathy on account of his ill aunt. At least a normal Narc would've milked that. 2)Be nice to me while I stab you- He told me to NOT talk about him behind his back.. all the while stabbing me in the back for 4 years. I had nothing but praise for him, and he returned it with gossip. 3)I don't want THAT- When I congratulated him on his engagement, he blew a fuse. Whenever I told him I wanted him to be happy, he blew a fuse. 4)Leave a message after the tone- He NEVER called me. I always called him. I'd leave a message... but he'd NEVER call back. EVER. 5)Crazymaking I can't believe I let a teacher get away with that. If he had been a fellow classmate, I would've dropped him like a hot potato.
Aug 3 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
venuslovedpluto
venuslovedpluto's picture

The jealous game

My guy was the SAME way. I rarely got calls. He'd toy with me that way. Actually, what he'd do is call me lots for a few days (after we'd made up) then drop off. Stop. As if trying to say 'Did you notice?? How I used to call you but now I'm not? Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-nyahhhhh!' What a child. He'd set me up for fun stuff too. Things designed to make me insecure. One week he called me a few times on Mon and Tues, Wed he'd had a fire drill at work and told me he'd met a hot asian girl in the parking lot. Of course I got zero by way of phone calls on Thurs and Fri. I really do think he'd tried to plant that seed. Make me jealous. My intuition told me. I didn't let that bother me though...I knew it was just a game. What bothered me was not the girl (who may or may not have been real) but the game itself. Sorting through that crap, trying to decide what was reality and what wasn't...so exhausting. It brought me down. He did it when he'd go on business trips too. Drop little comments about cute girls he'd seen and then be absent for an entire day. No calls, no texts. Then he'd blow up at me for asking an innocent question like; 'What did you do today?' or 'Where did you go for dinner?' Accusing me of always 'checking up on him'. It was ridiculous. How do you lie to me for years and then point a finger at me for being affected by it. For having questions. And why are you upset by questions anyway if you aren't doing anything shady? He refers to himself as 'a simple guy'. Not.
Aug 3 - 10AM (Reply to #5)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

Wow! I give you so much

Wow! I give you so much credit for going NC and dumping his butt after the way he treated you when you needed his support. I like how you said you think you would rather rip your face off. That's awesome!! My N has done a lot of what your N has done. He points out beautiful women or stares at them openly like...look at me!!! Look my way!!! He also mentions women on his business trips and it did make me jealous because I had no clue what kind of sick game he was playing. He was trying very hard to make as insecure as possible. Last week he started talking to me and was contacting me non stop. This week, I knew right away and pointed it out to him how he was different and he went off on my that he is busy. haha! whatever! It's all a mind game and I know it. I have been very honest about things to him this week and just sent my N a note of how shitty he treats my son and I see everything he is doing. I'm sure this is another break up and I don't give a shit any longer. I see him for what he is. He's a user and a huge liar!! Good for you for getting out!!! Bravo and your ending!!!
Aug 3 - 9AM (Reply to #4)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

"You baffle me constantly"

That's how my ex-Psychopath put it. That I constantly baffled him. That I spoke in an oracular way. That I wasn't "normal" according to his definition (but he was the one who spent time in mental institutions as a kid, and I didn't, go figure) In hindsight, I realize how much damage he could've done to my college career, on account of how he gossiped about me to his fellow professors. With the exception of math, I got good grades. I was able to graduate and get my degree. Considering how much damage he could've wreaked, I'm thankful he was either too stupid or too thwarted to do it. Some of my former profs are on the Rate My Professor website,receiving well-deserved praise. He isn't there. Got something to hide?
Aug 3 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
moonshine
moonshine's picture

I have seen this happen

Yes, I have gone through this and when questioned he would ask me "why do you need to KNOW" where I am and what I was doing....i dont want a girl who is too clingy...thats why we are together". Very well.....he made me clingy. ....or make me look clingy. My mind can see the truth ...my heart hurts,,,,,, I wish the hurt comes back to him in some form....(i should not wish bad to anyone but ...what he did is not fair).