Friends and denial??

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#1 Jul 5 - 7AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Friends and denial??

Hi everyone! I hope your weekend brought much happiness to you and you were able to forget about your asshole narc for a few days.........doubtful, I know.

I have a question for you all............have you experienced this with a friend before?

My girldfriend has been seeing a man now for a little over a year. He is a narc, I know it. But she doesn't believe me, nor will I push my beliefs on her except to give advise when she asks for it.

She has complained for some time now that he will text herback and forth, have some sexually heated conversation, she is expecting to be asked over at any minute.........and before she knows it, he never asks her over, never responds to her last text, just completely ignores her. Then the next day will call her or text her to say he fell asleep. I told her he is FULL OF CRAP. He more than likely had another woman coming over, because that is what narcs do, and now that that is over with, he will reach back to her like he is doing. She is now annoyed with me, says that I am obsessed with this "narc" thing and that she does not want to discuss with me again......seriously? Am I the only one that sees this? I mean really? They are having sexual dialogue for 15 minutes, than he stops dead in his tracks, she texted him 2 minutes after his last text which is quick in my book, and then continued to text him "are you there?" "where did you go?" with no response. I think it would be next to impossible for a man to be sexually aroused, speaking to a woman and "fall asleep" during the dialog......IMPOSSIBLE! What are you thoughts on that? And should I back off on my talks with her regarding narcissism?

Jul 6 - 9AM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

She wasn't my friend

The ex-Psych prof's girlfriend was a complete outsider. Most professors dated townies. She moved all the way from Los Angeles my senior year. His colleagues may or may not have known about her. I WANTED to warn her, tell her about his behavior, but I was in a double bind. I was a decade her junior, a student, and not close to her. If she had been my friend, I would've considered warning her. She was an adult, a curator;it was NOT MY PLACE. I don't think she would've listened if I told her. She was an adult.. it was her choice to change jobs&move in with him. I wasn't her Mommy.
Jul 5 - 6PM
fooled no longer
fooled no longer's picture

I found out the hard way

I found out the hard way after many years. she will too. Eventually they do something thats so in your face you have to see it. If you try to make her see it will ruin your friendship. Just be ready to patch her up when D day comes. frustrating, but thats the way it is.. I see narc married to two of my friends, cant tell them.
Jul 5 - 6PM (Reply to #10)
enpsychopedia r... (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I think the positive thing

I think the positive thing here is, when D day comes, Sparrow will have partially innoculated her against the extreme shock. Her warnings aren't falling on completely deaf ears. They won't prevent the D and D but will prevent some of the extreme damage.
Jul 5 - 11AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Maybe I do speak too much

Maybe I do speak too much about narcs, can't help it.......they wouldn't know unless they went through it themselves. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Well, maybe one....Ha! She will unfortunately have to find out the hard way. As far as I am concerned, her man was in waiting for his supply (not her) to come over and sleep with him. Why else wouldn't he be "available"? He didn't fall asleep, we all know that...........maybe we were this blind in the beginning, before we "discovered" our men were narcs.
Jul 5 - 5PM (Reply to #8)
enpsychopedia r... (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

It's like trying to reason

It's like trying to reason with a drunk. We were all there once. Nobody tried to reason with me, though. If they had, I just would have screamed, "Fill her up!"
Jul 5 - 5PM (Reply to #6)
enpsychopedia r... (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Hi Sparrow--There is the "to

Hi Sparrow--There is the "to a man with a hammer everything looks like a nail" phenomenon to consider and we are all guilty of that to some degree. We have all worn neural pathways paved withg the word "narcissist" right to the center of our brains. I know I look at all men differently They are ALL guilty until proven innocent! That being said...oh yeah...total narc!!! Next time you guys are out for coffee and she recieves a text from the idiot, hop up on the table top, scream, "Narc, narc, Run for the hills. Save yourself while you still can. Then laugh hysterically and fall off the table and fall to the floor in a jibbering fit. lOL ER
Jul 6 - 4AM (Reply to #7)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Too funny enpsych! I just

Too funny enpsych! I just might do that!
Jul 5 - 8AM
Littleone
Littleone's picture

Totally agree with you it's

Totally agree with you it's dodgy dodgy DODGY! I had a similar problem with a friend of mine. She is quite clearly involved with a cheater (at best) but she doesn't want to believe me. She got angry with whatever I said. She also became quite patronizing and said that I was jaded and not all men were bad just because I had been treated like shit. Here's what you gotta do. Ask her not to discuss her relationship with you anymore as you are trying to heal and hearing these type of behaviors is triggering to you. She Is obviously not ready to hear it anyway, nobody can see it until they are ready. Still be her friend obviously, she is going to need you when the D&D happens (and it will). Until then you must take a step back if you want to keep her friendship. It's really frustrating isn't it?! I can't believe the bullshit my friend is buying from the guy she is involved with, it's ludicrous but they are so convincing. After being so close to me and watching my life fall down in pieces, being left abandoned with a small baby, she hasn't learnt anything! She keeps having 'close calls' with pregnancies- she's been with this guy for 7 months and he's s total narc! It's like she is trying to get pregnant! Also this guy has a child in another country and the ex mrs is trying to get him to sign over his parental rights. Um hello, big red flag!! She's really changed since she got with this guy and to be honest I'm thinking of cutting her loose.
Jul 5 - 8AM
Giggles
Giggles's picture

same old, same old

I think you are right. Maybe one day your friend will accept it, maybe not. I heard the I fell asleep or my phone battery died excuse a lot. They are and will always be convenient lies, but make no mistake they are LIES!!!! All part of the mind games they play.
Jul 5 - 12PM (Reply to #2)
Nothanx
Nothanx's picture

Time will tell

I know that when I was deep into the hell of my narc relationship, I would not listen to ANYONE! All of my friends and family got disgusted with me and thought I was crazy for putting up with his shit. You have already planted the seed of doubt into her world of denial, and that is really all you can do. It is my belief (from my own personal experience) that a person will only get out when they have done the time and reached their own personal breaking point. She will need your unconditional friendship when all is said and done...someone to just be supportive without all the "I told you so's). She will be lucky to have a friend that has experience and understands. Oh what I would give to go back in time and listen to my friends and family....Because they were RIGHT!
Jul 5 - 12PM (Reply to #3)
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Me too. As far as going back

Me too. As far as going back in time and listening. But noooooooo........I had to find out on my own. LOL For now on, I listen to my gut and ONLY my gut. Gut instincts are rarely wrong. I will be there for her, absolutely. But, she is so in love with him, I am afraid she will marry him next. What can you do though?