Freeing Yourself from a Manipulative Person is a GOOD Thing

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#1 Dec 10 - 8AM
anonymous
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Freeing Yourself from a Manipulative Person is a GOOD Thing

Bumping up something Briesis posted ....

We do have to change our way of thinking. Instead of lamenting the fact that we were discarded and lamenting that we've had to go NC for our own well-being....

We all agree that these people are manipulative right? They're all exploitative, right? They're all, at best, interpersonally insensitve, right? And some of us truly believe these people are evil, right?

So once you get over the shock of being discarded (and it takes a long time) ... try to switch your way of thinking.

Damn! I'm lucky I don't have that manipulative, exploitative, insensitive jerk in my life anymore. Phew! I'm proud of myself for dodging that bullet.

Dec 10 - 5PM
Leah
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morty

Thanks for that post. I need the reminder. : ) I need it a lot. *sigh* Thanks so much. -Leah
Dec 10 - 1PM
blueeyes
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Morty

Thank you. I liked that.
Dec 10 - 1PM (Reply to #13)
anonymous
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(((Blueyes)))

Keep your chin up girlie. I know you're going through hell.
Dec 10 - 1PM
Goldie
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Excellent post

Thanks Morty, now you are talking. While this all sucks and we are all in a grieving, shocked state. The bottom line, as you so correctly state is: WE ARE MUCH BETTER OFF WITHOUT THESE FREAKS OF NATURE IN OUR LIVES. I am all for venting and getting it out, however, there is so much more to life than loving a self centered, manipulative, child. Thanks for the post. I am all about recovery now and this is the way to acheive that goal. Change the way we think about and VIEW them and get some distance (N/C) and the rest begins to become oh so obvious. We are better off without them. They bring very little to the table. Thanks hon, for a positive, empowering post. God bless, Goldie
Dec 10 - 3PM (Reply to #10)
Briseis
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Yep, this is the essense of

Yep, this is the essense of "Get Real". The "love" and sweetness was the lie. There can NOT be love and sweetness in a person who can turn on you like this. Hell, sugar is sweet and it just sits there adding fat to your bottom. Sweetness is something an inert substance can be. I had these giant burdock plants in my old pasture. They make giant, I mean GIANT burrs. Like the size of grapes. ANd you'd walk within a few inches of the plant and they'd LEAP from the plant and bury themselves in your clothes and hair and they'd ruin your clothes. That's more of a REALISTIC picture of the "affection and attachment" you get from a Narc. Cyanide smells like almonds. Anyone like almonds? I'll take Goldie a little further. They bring little to the table alright. They bring a little LESSON that there are wolves in sheep's clothing out there. The predators among us are REAL, and they look and behave (at first) like your Savior. You are not helpless, though. We're all gonna be "helpless" to distinguish them from the decent Joe's at first. But spend a little time with them . . . maybe a date over coffee, maybe an interaction at work and BAM. You see the red flags. Your gut will sense them. You'll get a feeling that something is OFF. If you are anything like I used to be, that "off" feeling might get misconstrued as "something is off about ME." Nope. It's about them. You have a funny feeling with someone? LISTEN. No matter who they are, no matter what they have to bring you, no matter how much you yearn for love. That's when you are powerful. When you listen to your gut. Then, stand back a few steps and watch them like a bug. You'll begin to see it. Little things here or there. And you'll sigh . . . and if you're anything like me NOW, you'll think "I hate being right :( ." You'll naturally retreat from the predators amongst us. But first, you have to Get Real about the predator in your own BED (or the one you wish was back in your bed). It's been a long time since I loved my exNarc. I do force myself to remember loving him though, so I can be helpful here. So it's not like I have no sense of what it feels like to love a person who would destroy you and leave you dead on the road. I remember believing that the Narc would NEVER let it go that far. I spent the first six months of NC struggling to come to terms that he HAD let it go that far and wanted to go even farther. It just wouldn't get through my head that he would have taken me so far down. He said he wouldn't. He even said he'd leave me before it got that bad. He and I apparently had very different ideas on what was "that bad". And that's a key difference between you and your Narc.
Dec 10 - 7PM (Reply to #11)
blueeyes
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Brisies

He used to always say he would leave me before it got bad. I can't seem to get rid of him and it's "that bad." I'm surprised that you can remember all the feelings so well. You describe them perfectly. The "getting real"? Uhm, it hurts like a mofo!
Dec 10 - 2PM (Reply to #9)
spinning
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Absolutely, goldie...

Needed to read this now. Thank you. It is all about changing the view and getting some distance and also "getting real." Thanks again to all for this thread. It's so needed. Sincerely (trying to stop) spinning

spinning

Dec 10 - 1PM (Reply to #8)
anonymous
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You know this means a lot

coming from you. =)
Dec 10 - 11AM
michele115 (not verified)
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Morty

We're on the same wavelength today - I just posted something like that to Blue. You speak the truth...
Dec 10 - 8AM
onwithmylife
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Hi Morty

I am so glad you reposted this I did not see it the first go around,it is such wonderful, uplifting posts, that put things into such a great perspective of who they really are. I spent so many months lamenting the loss of the man who I thought he was but now that the reality has set in, thank God, you are so right, self serving insensitive jerks with no real inner sense of true self worth, an empty walnut shell,petty, childish,jealous,rageful, emotionally underdeveloped.the list is endless......... and yes we all did dodge a bullet, because I firmly believe I would be dead or at best a bag lady to escape with my sanity intact...a scary thought..................
Dec 10 - 8AM
momoya
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Narcs don't bring happiness

Narc's don't bring happiness. They only cause confusion, sadness and pain. If they can find out how to hurt you, abandon you, kick you when you are down - THEY WILL. No matter if you have a few good days, weeks, months, the result is always the same - abandonment, blame shifting and pain. They are masters at making you think they have feelings too, so when they say sorry we believe they know remorse - but they don't. Getting away and free from the Narc is vital for your happiness and recovery! If a Narc can find out how to dissapoint you - he will. They love to feel like they are so powerful they can reduce us to tears! I am so happy to be free of my exN!!!

momoya

Dec 10 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
victimnomore
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You are so right momoya

Your post is just what i needed to read today. Narcs are evil and even though the recovery from my NH is the hardest thing I've had to do, I know that If i would have stayed with him I would be in a mental institution by now. My NH tried to destroy my life and I thank God that I am still here and still fighting for my peace and happiness.

victimnomore

Dec 10 - 5PM (Reply to #4)
Susan32
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A constant reminder

"I would be in a mental institution by now"-I literally live down the street from a mental hospital. I do not live there (but I have a friend who's a chaplain there) After the final D&D, I lived down the street from a cemetery. Thank God I did not end up there. Living in proximity to such places are powerful reminders. God is showing me what I HAVE (sanity, life) instead of what I don't (the ex-Psych professor)
Dec 10 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
spinning
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Great post...

Ladies, I so needed this reminder today and I like the honest, strong posts in affirmation that this is true. Thank you so much morty, momoya and victimnomore. Mine, too, tried to take me down and I'm just not gonna go there. I am stronger than that and I, too, am grateful that I am still here and doing the hard work required to get rid of the toxicity he brought into my life, the life that he tried to destroy and almost did, and find peace and happiness, too. You ladies are wonderful and inspirational. Thank you again. Sincerely, (trying hard to stop) spinning

spinning