1. Home
  2. Forums
  3. Narcissist Forums
  4. The Path Forward Forum
  5. The FREEDOM of changing a phone number!

The FREEDOM of changing a phone number!

10 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Dec 30 - 10AM
BlueMoon
BlueMoon's picture

The FREEDOM of changing a phone number!

Hello,

I am now on my 2nd week of TRUE no contact. (after going back and having him break up with me yet again for having PMS that week) I went away for the weekend, with him telling me he was looking forward to speaking to me when I got back. By the time I got back, I changed my home number and my cell number.

He came to my door Sunday night. I told my son to not answer the door and no close the window shade. This man stood outside saying "what the f**k?" and stayed there for 20 minutes looking up at my windows. He even threw a snowball at the window. Eventually he got into his truck and drove away. When he got home he sent me a nasty little email stating "too bad you like to play hide and seek and that you got your son involved." He then called my sons cell phone, which I immediately shut off and changed his number the next day. I blocked him from my email.

Two days later my hammock was stolen out of my yard mysteriously- there were no winds, and it was secure on a heavy chain....hmmmmmmm.

Anyway, I have been in weekly therapy with the DV organization here (they are GREAT!), and I have gone on a medication called cymbalta for the anxiety and depression, which seems to be working quite well. I erased all pictures of him from my computer, threw out any and all reminders of him, washed my sheets and towels, and started reconnecting with old friends. I have even gone out on a few platonic dates (not for the purpose of being in a relationship but just to experience conversation with a non-sociopath for a change.)

These last few weeks have been wonderful. Going to go back to yoga next week every day, spend time with the kids, and look forward to such a great new year!

Cutting these guys off at the pass by blocking them from contact is awesome. Every day I have less thoughts about him and less anxiety. There is a whole world out there with people in it who think I am just fine!

The most important thing about changing phone numbers is that you no longer get that p.t.s.d. jump when the phone rings...You are insulated! I highly recommend it.

Jul 19 - 11PM
NancyM
NancyM's picture

New voice mail message

I just found this on FB and thought it was a good one for those going NC. Hi you have reached my voice mail...please leave a message, I am in the process of making a few changes in my life. If I do not get back to you within 6 months, it means that you are one of those changes. Good bye.

Nevergoback

Jul 20 - 4PM (Reply to #9)
Happy1
Happy1's picture

This is a super great

This is a super great message! hahah!
Jul 20 - 1PM (Reply to #8)
rainbow1
rainbow1's picture

hahahah that is great!

hahahah that is great!

_______________________________________________
"dont let yesterday take up too much of today"

Jul 20 - 10AM (Reply to #7)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

NancyM

LOL! I love this!
Dec 30 - 2PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

What a great way to start

What a great way to start the new year. You took control out of his hands and put it where it belongs in yours. You are smart to cut all ties and he should never have called your son. the hammock could have been taken by him or someone else but these men do make paranoia a regular state. You can replace it and it sounds like you are doing well with the meds and yoga. Stick to it and don't forget to write things you want to get rid of for new years eve and burn it before midnight. Write out the things you would like to have come to pass in the next year and decorate the list with clip art and other things. Read it at midnight and then read it before you go to sleep for the rest of the year. You will be surprised how things work out. Save them and look back on past years for some interesting reading.Your son might like to do this also. don't let this guy bully you it sets a good example for your son to see that women don't have to be afraid. NO CONTACT will work well for you.
Jul 19 - 10PM (Reply to #5)
BlueMoon
BlueMoon's picture

control

Thank you!
Dec 30 - 12PM
stives23
stives23's picture

Good for you! I also just

Good for you! I also just changed my number after having a breakdown when he contacted me via text after 2 months of no contact. I used to wonder every time I had a missed call, or new text message and wonder if it was from him. Now that he contacted me, I realized the only thing to rid him completely is cut him off from ever getting access to me again. I now feel like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. Good for you for sticking to your guns!
Dec 30 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
BlueMoon
BlueMoon's picture

Hi Stives...

Good for you too! It was shaky there for a while and my first two attempts at NC didn't stick when he came back so "humbly," but the reality is that the latest time he DUMPED ME, BAD (and then wanted back in my life AGAIN), I finally said to myself that I can't survive even ONE more of these episodes. PTSD symptoms are very sensory triggered. I felt absolute IMMEDIATE relief the minute I changed my numbers- almost like I was in an insulated cocoon. I knew that because of this HUGE step, my life would forever be different! The ring was now only for friendly people who I wanted in my life, so my nerves could finally calm down. Never, ever again would I have to get a stomachache when the phone rings, not wondering if it is him and what mood would he be in, would he snap at me or would he call me gorgeous and tell me a joke. I would NEVER have to hear him make promises that were never kept, hear him explain his internet infidelities, criticize me then say it was just a joke and I am too sensitive...break up with me then come back 2 days later....on and on and on...you know. All the sensory triggers should be erased as much as possible, in my opinion. Change perfume, soap, rearrange the furniture, throw out every single picture or memory you have of him, buy new sheets, even change the skin color of your cell phone to which he now does not have the number. I felt better when I made my phone look different, simply because for so long it had been used as a weapon against me, as a leash. Change your ringtone to something you never used when you were with him. Burn candles that smell new, etc., etc. My advice is to test yourself around a potential sensory trigger...play a song, and if it hurts...then throw it away. Photos, places, books, whatever...if it even gives you a twinge of pain, then bar it access to your eyes, ears, skin, nose and mouth. This all helped me pretty immediately! :) (And one more thing- I changed the locks on my house.)
Dec 30 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
stives23
stives23's picture

Thanks for all the great

Thanks for all the great advice. I had changed my number before because of him, then eventually gave it to him. This time is different because the second time he discarded me, my therapist said, "sounds to me like he's a narcissist", after that I read everything I could about it, now I know why I felt crazy the entire time, why I lost 10 pounds, and why I suffered a panic attack. It was all because of him and his disorder. The first time he left me, I bought a new comforter, just because I would wake up to his good morning texts every morning on those sheets, and they brought painful memories. My sister just moved out, so I am going to be moving rooms, so I think this will let me have a complete and fresh start. I had kept tokens of our "relationship" (though there weren't many), but after he contacted me on Christmas, I tore up every memory and threw it all away. And songs that remind me of him on the radio, I automatically change to another song. I was also thinking about getting a new phone, or a new skin cover for my phone. It's amazing how many little things remind you of the person. Even the computer I am on right now reminds me of him. But now that I have changed my number, I feel such a relief. Because even after the second time he discarded me, I also secretly wished he would return, even though now I know he is a narcissist. And I always knew that one day he would come back, whether it be a week, a month, or six months. I KNEW he would come back again. And I honestly didn't know if I had the strength to push him away. But I did have enough strength to go NC for 2 months, and not fall for his apologies on Christmas, because with all I know about his disorder, I know it was all a bunch of bull, and he was just trying to secure me as supply for the future. So with that strength, I decided to change my number. Many people I told seem to think it was an extreme measure to take, but people who don't know narcissist's have NO idea how much they manipulate and suck you back in. Now the power is back in my hands, and the next time he calls my old number, he will hear "this number is no longer in service", and that makes me feel great!! Thanks for all the great advice!