Four Aces' Story

I guess I am in the right place. If not forgive me.

My story is similar to many on this subject.

I was married to my N for 15 years and with him 17 years. Gasp. What was I thinking?

My N is a musician and I think they must be a special breed of N. My thoughts now are that quite a few musicians and actors etc must be Ns.

The insatiable need for attention AND telling everyone that he at one time played with a world reknown blues musician over and over and over got really old after 15 years.

There were no "new" stories. He also had this idea that someday he would be the greatest internet marketer ever and make thousands of dollars. He went thru periods of time when he ran up serious credit card debt. He always lived beyond his means and kept most of this very secret in our marriage.

Secrets. This is what my marriage was based upon. The "quirks" became serious and devastating issues in our relationship.

The first part of our 15 year marriage was peppered with three affairs. When I met him he lived 200 hundred miles away and we met thru work. It never occurred to me that when I caught him with his "old" girlfriend that really this was a reflection of his need for sex with many women.

He was in his "somatic" stage of N. I havent seen anyone speak of this on this blog, but Ns go thru two stages in their lives - hyper sexual and then NO sex.

Aging seems to be a real bitch for Ns. Mine is pushing 60 and longed to be a "rock n roll" star again. He has spent most of his life in the computer/tech world but suddenly over the last four years started playing with a new band. I used to go most of the time, but after a couple of years got really tired of being the "old lady" of the guitar player. I mean come on - I am old enough to be someone's grandmother.

Then last year he met his new squeeze. A piano player that also seems to be an N and the extra bonus is she wants a rock n roll life also. Perfect.

So, he moves out four months ago or rather I threw him out after he told me he was in "love" with her and told me we were "incompatible". Also,that his new love is "enlightend". When I questioned why someone that was supposedly "enlightened" would want to have a married man live with her and her two teenagers - he looked puzzled and said "you are right, I guess not."

So, the last few months have been quite an emotional experience. It was not until I stumbled upon Sam Vaknan's website about narcissists that I became a sane woman again.

The first week he moved out was like withdrawing from crack cocaine....or what I would imagine. I was bent over in my bed screaming. After I read Sam's info about narcissts I knew what had happened. I had been "sucked" dry by a narc for 17 years. Who knew?

The most shocking part of this experience is the overabundance of these people in our society must really make this an epidemic, but we focus more on AIDS. As we should, however, I am thinking our culture needs to press forward more aggresivley about narcissim and its quickly rising proliferation in our society.

However, I am one of those people that will carry the knowledge that I have about Narcissits to the ends of this earth. I am not ashamed of my experience with not only one but TWO narcissts, yes, my first husband was a violent narcissist the worse kind. I thought he was just a violent alcoholic. He was but also a narc.

About two years ago my husband told me he no longer wanted to have sex??? I was so frustrated by this time with him, that I didnt care. And perhaps I was so emotionally crippled from the abuse over the years - I felt nothing about his statement except more emotional pain.

I think the aging narcissist gets even creepier. My narcissts began to "leer" and hug just a bit much my 22 year old daughter and her friends. One of my niece's called him "mr creepo." I dont think my narcissist is having sex with his new girlfriend. I think he refuses sex to control her emotionally. Wait for it baby....

Bottom line. We need to establish a check list to pass out to young women about narcissists. I know there are female narcissts out there, but there is a preponderence of men. The men tend to be the worst. Social media like Facebook and Twitter only ENCOURAGE more of these freaks.

Today, I am recovering slowly from my experience and planning my new life. I do believe there is retribution in THIS life and I will LIVE to see it. My only frustration is the waiting....

I will tell my story to as many people as I can until I take my last breath on this earth. If I can prevent ONE woman from going thru what I have experienced the last 30 years it will be worth it.

And I will start with my 22 year old daughter.

Thank you.