Focus on ourselves, FOO issues, "adult children"??

Hi everyone :)

Haven't posted on here for a while but I've still been reading...

Firstly I was too embarrassed because my ex came back in June, started hoovering via a load of manipulative, contradictory text messages...my own fault for not blocking...I made the mistake of engaging, she invited me round to her home and so I went...anyway that turned into the afternoon from hell...I made the terrible mistake of saying I loved her...got a really shitty response which broke my heart...then I wanted to get the hell out of her house, she insisted on walking me home while I had to hold back tears...I said goodbye...she continued to text for a couple of days after that but my replies were short and flat, then I went into shutdown mode and so she's left me alone now for 5 weeks which I can honestly say, hand on heart, has been a relief...I've had no urges to contact her, in fact I haven't wanted to be anywhere near her so maybe this experience, although painful, was a blessing in disguise.

During this time I've started therapy, I'm finally beginning to find out about myself...but I've had to face some traumatic childhood memories and accept a few things that have been very painful...it's been hard processing everything so that's another reason why I haven't posted...it's been a lot to take in but I'm slowly discovering myself and I've realised that the situation with my ex is possibly linked to my childhood....some of the things my therapist told me was that:
I wasn't parented
I didn't have a childhood
My father wasn't up to the job, is emotionally unavailable and is incapable of showing or accepting love...and so anyone I've dated in the past has been emotionally unavailable too
As a result of prolonged trauma, physical abuse and emotional neglect I haven't learnt how to bond properly which is why I've never had a serious relationship...
I'm scared of intimacy because I've never had it...so therefore an N is sort of a "safe bet" who won't expect too much...yet my ex often reminded me of a mishmash of both my parents as I was growing up...it sometimes felt like history repeating itself.
I've also been learning how to deal with negative emotions better, it's been hard as I blocked a lot out but also eye opening and I feel like I'm beginning to turn a corner...and it's also becoming clearer why and how I became involved with the N and why I put up with such crappy treatment, I'm already learning how to avoid another one in the future.

My therapist also mentioned adult children...I remembered somebody talking about this in another thread that I read ages ago...what exactly does this term mean? And does it only apply to children with alcoholic parents??

I apologise for rambling on, just wanted to say that when we begin to work on ourselves then we start to find the answers to all the why's? and how's? It's almost like a lightbulb goes off in our heads and we suddenly understand why it happened and how to go about preventing another negative experience in future by working on ourselves!!

I know how hard it is to stop ruminating about the N's but I promise that when we put the focus on ourselves and face the pain then we finally begin to feel better...

Lots of love...stay strong everyone!

Brave xxxxxxxxxxxxx

P.s money has been tight but I plan to do the support group ASAP, I haven't forgotten!