First time seeing her with NS/OW on FB!!!

I hate Facebook as much as I like it. It is the perfect platform for narcs. It hurts people's feelings. It encourages voyeurism. It encourages anti-social behaviour. It encourages the exploitation of children and young adults. It glamorises fake body images. It strips friendships down to banal postings and status updates so we don't call each other as much. It's fucking up the planet. Mark Zuckerberg is a twat. Narcs love it because they an fool the world with one profile photo that their life is a perfect Hollywood dream when in actual fact there is some poor woman behind the scenes who is about to suffer as much as you did but none of this will ever reach the FB status updates. None of the narc's friends will ever get a whiff of the abuse going on behind closed doors. As an aside, my ex narc never once posted a photo of the two of us together as his profile photo. It was always just him. He has had a baby son recently. But was there a pic of just his new baby? No, it had to be of him and the new baby. Is there any sign of his new girlfriend? Nope! She is behind the scenes, just like all of us.

The facebook peeks can be deadly. The only way I could stop myself was to delete all connections and then to block all potential people I may use to snoop in a weak moment. So now if I go on facebook and try to look them up, they don't show up. I wouldn't take the business about your not ever being portrayed on facebook by her as an indication that there is more with the new OW than with you. You said you were together for a long time so obviously there is a long history between you which does not exist with the new one, so don't even go there. Narcs LOVE to ACT like the new one is going to be the "cure all" for all their problems for like 5 minutes until ALL the same issues they had with you show up with the new one. Also, they love to do things like this just to get under your skin and to make it look like they are SO HAPPY now, it is ALL a big crock of shit. They will traditionally do the exact opposite of what they did with you that pissed you off for years with the new one in the beginning to "act" like they have changed and they see the light now. It's all garbage. Mine told me that his X wanted a joint bank account, wanted more alone time, wanted more sex, blah blah blah. So he made a point of being that way with me in the beginning, even though, I did not ask for any of this, to somehow prove something to himself or her, through me. Everything they do is for show. She is doing this for show, NOT because the OW is any better than you. Snooping is all part of the recovery process, I think most of us have done it and plenty of it. You will keep doing it until it hurts so bad or you are so tired of the obsession that you just don't want to know anymore. Just remember that they treat everyone the same in the end and no one gets a better life with a Narc than we had. Just concentrate on your recovery and in a short period of time there will be trouble in the new relationship as well. They do NOT know how to have a healthy relationship with anyone. God bless, Goldie P.s. Good move deleting facebook. You may need to stay off for awhile to avoid that temptation.

I’m so sorry you’re struggling and hurting. When it comes to ‘mutal’ friends…I have a lot of experience. Lol I laugh because I shared a lot on here about this very thing. It’s not so much that the ex N means all that much to us once we go NC, and stick to it—it’s the ‘information’ that the mutual friends seem to bring to us, directly or indirectly that keeps us spinning. (to use the poster, spinning’s quote *wink*) I think that the best thing would be to not look at your mutual friends’ FB pages. Delete them as friends for now…if they truly are friends, they will want you to heal. True friends have your back. They don’t gossip and hurt you behind it. But, this all takes time. Gosh, I was where you are back in June. Now, I can honestly say…I can actually chat with these mutual pals, (some I cut out for good, as they are malicious gossipers) and not be phased when they bring the ex N up. I may be in a different place with my healing than you are—but trust me. You’ll get there. For now, eliminate the temptations that draw you to look. I will pray for your continued healing.

I just read this post and i feel like I read my own story. Yes, I was a stalker before, peeking his FB all the time, even though he has blocked me, I has created new account. What a pity. And I found what you found, Rose. Exactly the same. He put his photo together with the OW, and the OW is someone who he keep denied when he was with me. shameless. He put comment on her wall too like saying I'm so lucky to have you. it was the words he said to me before. And I heard he will marry her soon, although they are different in religion, something that he always against, he called people who has relationship with different religion as an idiot. so now i know he is an idiot. He say it for himself. what a joke! I decided to stop peeking since then, no more hurt feeling for myself, I have enough. He said on his wall that he is so happy being with her now. I dont know what the feeling i have now, anger, sadness, pissed off, envy (?) but half of me feel happy somehow. I just dont understand why only me who have to feel suffered, while he is happy now with the OW. The hardest part when I know his family who used to convince me that he will never has relationship with the OW since she has different religion, now so welcome to her. what makes me stronger is the thought that I get my self back. when i am with him i cannot put high heels on my feet, because he is short, i cannot wear light dress as i have to respect him, I cannot make a joke because he will get me wrong. I totally back to the person i used to be. If they are happy now, good for them, I just believe God has a better plan for me, and loves me, that is why HE show me this N's true color. Thanks for your post her Rose, I never feel alone when i come to this site. HUgsss

I had blocked my exN on facebook, the day I blocked his email. I actually had to force myself to do it. I was checking his stupid page all the time obsessing like some kind of nut. Thought it was all good... Nope. This morning I wake up to comments from him to a girl we work with that we're both friends with. Cute. Not that he's interested in her. She's engaged and knows what's going on with him and I. She's not terribly impressed with him at all. At any rate. I messaged her and said "I'm sorry Danny but I'm taking you off of facebook... and everyone else that we work with. I love ya kid but I'm trying to avoid all contact with him and I just realized that friends of friends of friends... all of us at work... he can see what I say and I can see what he says. Knowing our situation, I hope you understand it's nothing personal." The only way to ensure you're going to not have things seen by her is if you have no mutual friends and your settings are tight... only friends can see Removing people is hard... ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

I've done the same especially in the beginning...his website, before he abandoned it, running off and screaming he was insane. I peeked at his empty house listing, whatever source of information I could find...I peeked and checked up on him almost constantly! Did it hurt? Oh Yes! It hurt like Hell, like being stabbed in the gut..but you know what? As time went on, I healed still more..later, I could look back at whatever info had originally caused me such pain, and you know what I felt? NOTHING! I figured I might as well see the worst he could dish out, and soon it began to have no effect at all. There was a kind of ho-hum, who cares attitude! I toughened up to his antics. He lost his power to hurt me! Good idea or not? Some yes, some no, depends on the woman involved. Ultimately it helped me face reality, and forced me to start healing and moving forward. For me, it was a good idea. Thankfully, he's tried to go quiet as a mouse on the internet, and I'm grateful! It has helped and aided in my healing. Hang in there, it gets better!

sorry you had to see this. I know it hurts like hell but, you really didn't have to see this. Remember that it brought you down from your journey out. You spent time thinking about yourself and you were healing. This was a self inflicted wound, One you ultimately chose to do. Don't do it! Ask yourself next time you have the desire, "Rose, what possible good can come from looking." Stop hurting yourself. Be strong. You can do it. It's just really hard and you have to envision your future as being so much better because of your strength at this time.

There is no such thing s happily ever after with narcs. Period. It will take some time. Takes some longer then others. Like anything else in life, you have to "want" it. If you want it, recovery and healing, you will work hard to get it. be honest with yourself, set reasonable goals, and stay focused. Took me a year almost to the date. Some less, some a lot more. Depends on the person. I had many slips, after the last slip, I had to start to take this all a lot more seriously..............which I did. And I had to face facts and let go..........it's a long, hard road, one not so easily traveled, but the final destination............is beautiful! Chin up! Focus and stay strong!

"When out of the blue my woman's intuition whispered something in my ear. It told me to peek. So I did." Same thing with me. What I saw on his page was a wall post saying, "Miss you already!" This was put up two days after I ended things with CharlieSheenWinning. They got MARRIED 3 weeks later!!! Tailspin of CD, PTSD, weeping -- so horrible. That was around 4 1/2 months ago. Now I'm finally pulling out of it. He's still with her, but now I feel more thankful that it's her, not me. He never acknowledged me on FB or around town, either. I was the plaything, the girl who was "fun." :/ It's a long, painful road, but at least you're here. I found this board and everyone here so helpful! {{hugs}} I know how bad it is to find out this way.

Your post came at a perfect time. Today I peeked too and saw the OW and him together, after he had unceremoniously discarded her and literally moved on with a smile the very next day, admitting how much I meant to him all along, he is back with her and giving me the silent treatment..lol.. seeing them made my gut a little uneasy. More than a little, I suppose. But just like you know deep down, I know deep down too that she won't be any different. He is who he is. Stay strong lady, an empty mind is a devil's workshop..go do some yoga, exercise, throw yourself into work or something else positive for a while.. otherwise all these what if's will tear you apart. He won't change with her, and she is suffering right now to SOME degree (unless it's temporary honeymoon phase) and the suffering will increase with time and mentally exhaust her. While I'm becoming a stronger woman to some extent and working on my confidence, the OW is being torn down and stepped on - I know this, and yes..call me evil or whatever, I feel good about it, it's human nature. I don't feel sorry for her just yet, it's too soon.

Just more scrambled eggs , peeking? Not a good idea! Hunter

Ugh. I can't imagine that happening. Honestly, I would be sick about it. Sorry you have to deal with this. I'm not sure when you will be okay again, but you have to know that you WILL be okay again. You will. Did you have your narc blocked? If you enjoy FB otherwise and find it important in your life for connecting with family and friends, you could block her. My N is blocked and my security is highest level possible. I've run some tests, and it looks like FB does a decent job at keeping the blocked one away and vice versa. That said, if you find FB to be more of a pain, hats off to you for deleting. I just hate for the narc to take that away from you if it is something that is important to you, ya know? Hang in there. You ARE making progress. Just doesn't feel like it when something like this slaps you upside the head. ~Adoette

Sorry you are hurting so much over seeing them together. It is for the best that you deleted your accouint so you won't be temped to peek again (and inflict further pain on your self ) But don't you find it interesting that your gut told you to look, and when you did there WAS something to find? It is abusive to not be acknowledged (ignored, form of passive aggression, silent treatment) I am not familiar with your story yet. But it is best that you stop looking as it will only hurt you more and more. Also watch out for the negative self talk. I know a few people that were very shocked and hurt over what is posted on facebook and you dont need that in your face! good for you to suspend your account for awhile until you can heal hope you feel better soon