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First Session with New Therapist

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#1 Jul 10 - 6AM
sassyredhead
sassyredhead's picture

First Session with New Therapist

Today is my first session with a new therapist and I am sooooo nervous! The last time I went to counseling, all the therapist talked about was HER life and didn't address any of my issues at all. In fact, she couldn't remember who I was and would share personal information about other patients, thinking the information she was sharing was info I had given her about me!

I am so desperate for validation - someone to tell me I am not imagining things or being too sensitive... I barely know where to begin with this new therapist. I mean, how do you explain to someone who hasn't lived this kind of situation how effed up it is and how your mind gets all twisted around by the N until you start to believe YOU'RE the one with the pathology and that all the problems in the relationship really ARE your fault!

I have my journal and I feel like just handing it to the therapist to read, and not saying a word until she is finished with it. LOL! I don't know how to make sense of this situation myself, let alone share it with someone else.

I didn't even tell my NH that I got a new therapist or that I am going for counseling. He discouraged my going the first time, because he thought it would "make things worse". At the time of my first counseling sessions, I was experiencing horrible anxiety attacks. I got no support, and in fact, NH was more negative about our relationship than usual; there was no support there. He has tried to make me feel weird about having been for counseling, like there was something wrong with me.

I was hoping to get some advice from the ladies (and gents) of the Board on how you even begin to explain what you're going through to someone else... Thank you!!!!!!!

Jul 11 - 2AM
liselotte
liselotte's picture

I agree with the advice

I agree with the advice below. Maybe you can talk more to your NH about it.. it's been traumatising and with him not understanding it's even more difficult for you. Get him to understand, maybe with the help of your therapist.
Jul 10 - 10AM
GhostBuster
GhostBuster's picture

Advice

I have this problem with my therapist...especially in the beginning. I'm sure I sounded like a meandering lunatic. It's tough to figure out where to begin. Maybe just start by telling her as calmly as you can why you're there and choose some key events/situations to lay out as examples. If you're experiencing PTSD symptoms, I'd let her know about them and how it's affecting your life. I get stuck when I try to jump all over the place and fit in so many events/situations into one session...I think sometimes I confuse the therapist. But I've been going now for 9 months so over time "my story" started to fit together and make more sense to her. Hope that helps.
Jul 10 - 10AM (Reply to #4)
GhostBuster
GhostBuster's picture

Also...

I've found that I have to couch my references to NPD pretty carefully with my therapist. She's never met my 2 ex Ns and I think sometimes she gets a little ruffled when I say I absolutely know they are NPD. So I phase it like, "from everything I've read, the research I've done and my own experience with them, I think they are..." Changing the language from "I know" to "I think" may keep the therapist from thinking you're trying to play psychologist (which is her job, after all).
Jul 10 - 10AM (Reply to #5)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

NPD

That's probably a good idea, GhostBuster. It was interesting when I was making my appointment ~ initially, I told her, "I think he is a narcissist". She just gasped and said 'oh no'. That sudden gloom was pretty sobering to hear from a psychologist!
Jul 10 - 10AM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

therapist

My experience with therapy is limited to date, but I can definitely offer you validation. You should be with someone you're comfortable with. That doesn't necessarily mean that they should never say anything that may hurt...sometimes things might be hard to hear. When I first started telling my (then) therapist about my situation, the first thing she said is, "do you think he's married?" That hit me square between they eyes and hurt. I realize she was just being practical, but it was still hard for me...someone who was still in a fog, to process. One thing I wish I did was have a list of things I wanted to ask. Also, don't be afraid to ask for clarification if you don't understand what they're saying. My therapist asked me, do you tend to get defensive? I was a bit intimidated but it, and puzzled why she asked me that. Ironically enough, it put me ON the defensive! I should have said, "sometimes, and why do you ask?" Later, I realized this was part of being exposed to NPD/abuse, having to defend yourself all the time. The only problem with therapy, is not many are schooled in NPD. I think if I were to pursue it, I'd look for that knowledge in particular. I know Barbara could give you info. on this. Good luck, stay true to your insticts...they won't let you down!
Jul 10 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

all I can say is

use "I think" or "I suspect" Take Lisa's Book with you Take Women Who Love Psychopaths with you concentrate on the TRAITS he showed and HOW he treated you and HOW that made you feel. Do NOT let the therapist minimize his pathology or treat this like its just a normal breakup - it isn't. Hopefully they can be educated - if not find another. Took me 3 tries to find a good one. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/