Fierflie freaking out part two

i dont think living well is revenge on them. they dont give a shit if we live well.

thank you so much for taking care of me today

A REAL man protects the vulnerable--he doesn't pick on them. Think of Ralph Macchio standing up to the bullies in "The Karate Kid." Fireflie did NOTHING that deserved a beating. NOTHING.

sorry for not responding. i just had to get out of the house. i wasn't doing well at all. thank you for your responses. i don't know why i feel the way i do. i'm in psychotherapy and have a great psychologist. i think it just that ever since i was 19, i was in an abusive relationship-non stop. both of them abused me, did drugs, and abandoned me regularly. they also both cheated. my father is a good man, just completely emotionally absent and abused me physically on and off until i was about 16. not horribley, but it hurt my feelings because he never really seemed to like me or connect to me.

I know, it's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that we are inherently bad people and that we bring these things on ourselves. I remember feeling like that at about age 23, when I guy I really liked flaked out on me and stopped calling. I remember walking along the street thinking "maybe I'm just a really horrible person and no one would want to be with me/close to me?" I've thought it a few times since but I suppose it's only a tiny, tiny fraction of what I believe about myself. Right now I'm probably not the most convincing on this because I feel like shit myself, but it's not true. No one is inherently bad. Except maybe narcs. But there is NO WAY IN HELL we should ever take abuse from anyone, in any guise, at any time. If the assclown from when I was 23 had abused me in any way, I would have told him where to get off. But I'm just making the point that it is surprisingly easy to start feeling like this, so don't feel bad. I felt like this when the narc dumped me "oh god, I must be a horrible person, nasty to be around, intolerable to hang out with etc etc". It's not true but we have to keep reminding ourselves of that. He made me feel like a big fat scary selfish bitch who only thought of herself all the time. I HATE him for trying his projection shit on me like that. I know it's not true but that didn't stop me feeling like that at the time. However I didn't cower or beg or anything that night. I tried to initiate a discussion about why he was leaving or to get concrete examples from him of how I supposedly "didn't listen" to him. He could only come up with one. After a few minutes I just said in a disgusted voice "oh well, this is pointless" He walked to the door and said "take care" and I just shut the door in his face. It was only afterwards that I began to feel horrible and as if I was all the things he said. But at the time, I behaved like a sane person, acting disgusted and sickened with his crazy reasons for breaking up. I think that's what you need to do. Engage in the moment when stupid (or in this case, very dangerous) shit is going down and just call people out on it AT THE TIME. Don't let them do it and then go off and allow it to make you feel like crap later. I'm not sure if any of this is the slightest help to you, but my bottom line is: I know the feeling you're talking about - the way I felt walking along that street when I was 23 is the thin end of the wedge of finding yourself in the position of getting physically abused by someone.

no of course they don't. but i wasn't a child.