Feeling a little stuck today

23 posts / 0 new

#1 Apr 1 - 8AM

kgirl

Feeling a little stuck today

Feeling a little stuck today.....I wish someone else could interact with this woman and tell me if she really is a narc. I think so many signs are there, but my brain plays tricks with me. I waffle between I'm sure she is, to maybe she isn't and this is all my fault. I hate feeling crazy!
Maybe this is just a low day for me.
Thanks for listening....it's tremendously helpful to be here.

#2 Apr 1 - 2PM

michele115 (not verified)

The best way to describe it

At least for me when I came out of the fog early on...like day four... I knew "something is wrong" something just happened...uh...WTF... I could not articulate, I could not give a word to what happened, could not tell a story, couldn't explain...I just knew I was terribly effed over and could not tell you how but just "knew" As I read other's stories...little by little, words started coming back...it was two or three terms, then as time passed, I could formulate sentences...LMAO! Yes, K very normal...in fact, you are doing hellafantastic compared to where I was...and He never laid a hand on me... Hugs!

#3 Apr 1 - 3PM (Reply to #17)

kgirl

Thanks Michele... It is a

Thanks Michele... It is a fog... I feel like I've been mind effed, but also like I sold my soul to the devil :(

#4 Apr 1 - 3PM (Reply to #18)

dudette

K

It will get better I relate to what you just posted.... I am a christian and because it was an affair for me, I decided to confess....my vicar has been a rock throughout it has to be said... but I said to him - I gave my soul to the devil, is there a worse sin than that???

#5 Apr 1 - 3PM (Reply to #19)

kgirl

Same here, it was an affair

Same here, it was an affair for me too... it is good to at least not feel alone in that. SO hard because there is no one else I can talk to about it...except for in this wonderful forum :) and what did your vicar say when you said that??

#6 Apr 1 - 3PM (Reply to #20)

dudette

he said I was forgiven

But I had to forgive too and that was the hardest part.....

#7 Apr 1 - 5PM (Reply to #21)

kgirl

well that's good!.....and

well that's good!.....and that is the hard part, but with time and healing it will come.

#8 Apr 2 - 10AM (Reply to #22)

dudette

thanks K

I have to remind myself of that every day. My priest is a rock to me.He used the annunciation of Mary's service to do a sermon on obedience - only to deliver an whole speech on emotional abuse being unacceptable and Not OK and obedience not be be used as a tool for the subjugation, control and manipulation of women.... I could have kissed the man!!!

#9 Apr 1 - 1PM

Susan32

Creepy incident today

I dealt with a female Narc before... she was a manager at my former workplace (my boss was also Narc, as well as a coworker) What's weird was that today I ran into her at the store. I tried avoiding her, didn't give her eye contact... and *SHE* followed me around. She had been an abusive employer, and believe me I went NC. She stopped following me around the store&immediately ran out as soon as I went to the check-out line. She mimicked what I was doing today;it made me quite uncomfortable. She wasn't my friend, she was simply someone I worked with. Female Narcs are just as bad as the male ones.

#10 Apr 1 - 3PM (Reply to #9)

kgirl

Thanks for your support... My

Thanks for your support... My female narc did a ton of mimicking...competitive feelings and jealousy were huge issues with her....even though all I ever did was support and give. I was her biggest cheerleader. I feel like she took all that was mine and made it her own. It has left such a big hole in my heart...never what you'd expect out of another woman.

#11 Apr 1 - 5PM (Reply to #10)

Susan32

It was bizarre...

It's not as if I see her on a daily basis. I've only seen her twice (counting this time) in the past three years. And now she starts imitating me. I go to the gift bags, she goes to the gift bags. I'm sure the cashiers saw what was happening and wondering why she was following me, because I'm a frequent customer there. She's married. She has a husband&kids. What's with stalking&mimicking a former employee? You'd think that when I went in the other direction&didn't give her eye contact, she would've SEEN I wanted to be left alone. She didn't treat me well as an employee. Nothing pleased her, and her lack of follow-through became (in)famous after I left. I ran into a former coworker, and he said that she fired him because he called her out on the alcoholism of his supervisor... this was at a nursing home, and the supervisor was getting drunk on the property. They had a wine tasting party on the grounds. If this former manager wanted to confront me on anything, she needn't have bolted out the door the minute I went to the checkout line. She ran away, VERY FAST, in front of all the cashiers.

#12 Apr 2 - 9PM (Reply to #14)

michele115 (not verified)

Susan

Sometimes, you have to take their sickness in stride...sometimes when sick people pull crap...you just gotta convince yourself, it's cause they really want to be so much like you...they're threatened. I used to be so hung up on pleasing people...now I have a sixth sense about a lot of things...but I pick and choose my timing for when I need to confront and when I need to let people believe their own bullshit. That's my "ART OF WAR"...LOL

#13 Apr 2 - 9PM (Reply to #15)

Susan32

Definitely

I simply ignored her. When I went to the checkout line, I acted as if nothing happened. The cashiers were baffled by HER behavior, not by mine. When I saw the "Help Wanted" ad today in the paper, it explained the crap... and I am staying NC. If that place had made any effort, I would've stayed. It was a bad workplace. Better benefits, better pay, fixing up the kitchen. It's HER problem, NOT mine. I'm glad to be outta that place, and I'm staying out! If it weren't for this site, the former Narc boss' number would still be on my cellphone ;)

#14 Apr 2 - 10AM (Reply to #11)

kgirl

She had an agenda.....they

She had an agenda.....they always have an agenda. It sounds like you didn't give her a chance to engage, her attempt failed and she ran. But what a weird encounter! Thanks for sharing :)

#15 Apr 2 - 9PM (Reply to #12)

Susan32

She DID have an agenda!!!

How did I find out? Looking in the classifieds section at the job openings. Apparently, my former Narc workplace has TONS of job openings... and despite this awful economy, she thought stalking a former employee was somehow a better idea than direct contact. My former position is now- 1)Part-time, only 24 hours a week 2)I assume it pays less per hour than my current job Yeah, NO benefits, less pay-WHY would I WANT that??? At my former workplace, one of my former coworkers (a female Narc alcoholic) would OFTEN call asking for her job back once her job at the time had failed (she had quit, moved somewhere else, didn't pan out) It's not like I was calling at my Narc workplace to get my job back. I only went back to them *BRIEFLY* to handle 401(k) but that was it. My firing was basically a D&D. The very manager who stalked me the other day told me that they had kept me around... well, just because. When she fired me, she told me I was worthless, etc... the whole shebang. This place does NOT pay well... and I was told to NOT come back. And then she follows me around because she's THAT desperate(???) If the ex-P came back to me begging for marriage, I'd give him a one-way ticket to the Bay State and tell him to go marry a good man, because it's legal there. Besides, New England is a pretty place.

#16 Apr 2 - 10PM (Reply to #13)

kgirl

Wow.....that is desperate!

Wow.....that is desperate! But whatever it takes to get what they want or need. It's something my female narc would have done.....she's queen of sneaky stalker hidden agendas :)

#17 Apr 1 - 11AM

michele115 (not verified)

KG

http://www.lisaescott.com/2010/12/07/cognitive-dissonance-leads-obsessive-thoughts You may not be at the I hate her stage only because it hasn't registered exactly what has been done...but this explains congnitive dissonance which is most likely what you're going through... I am not sure if you've read some of Lisa's articles...if you go to "BLOG" they're there...maybe start getting aquainted with them even if right now they don't hit you, you will slowly start to process then you can go back and re-read as well as search out other sources of information online. For me, initially, I had no clue had no idea nothing....could not even articulate what the heck this was I was going through...once I landed here, things started to make sense...and yes, I too went back and forth it's all part of it. Hugs!

#18 Apr 1 - 2PM (Reply to #7)

kgirl

Thanks for the link....I can

Thanks for the link....I can so relate to it and it does make sense. I am stuck on I love her, I crave her, I hate her, I loathe her, she makes me sick, I hope she emails and I never want to see her again.... I've had no contact with her for 4 days....and it makes me feel lonely. But I don't want her in my life and I am glad to get going through this process and come out of the other side so much healthier. Thanks for all your support, I'll get going on my homework....you've been wonderful :)

#19 Apr 1 - 11AM

michele115 (not verified)

Kauaigirl

I'll keep it simple...because seriously, if you read all the stories, they all play out the same. In the beginning, you have the cognitive dissonance. Here's the lowest common denominator... If you're feeling your mind is screwed, most likely it is...and if it is, and you weren't born that way but feel that way as a result of interacting with an individual... Then more than likely they suffer from something...they're disordered and it's rubbed off on you temporarily. Get it out...bottom line...in time, the more you get it out and the more you process and share, it will become clear, people will share things and you'll relate...someone will say something and you will say: "Aha" yea, happened to me to...someone will re-tell a story and you'll say "oh crap! is that what THAT was?"...give it time... Hugs Hugs!

#20 Apr 1 - 11AM (Reply to #4)

kgirl

I know cognitively that

I know cognitively that you're right....I just have truly believe and feel it too! thanks :)

#21 Apr 1 - 11AM (Reply to #5)

michele115 (not verified)

kauaigirl

And that is exactly where we all were in the beginning... give it time. Hugs!

#22 Apr 1 - 8AM

dudette

playing tricks

Girl you are doubting your own jusdgment and that's only normal. If she behaved like a narc, does it matter if she is offically one or not? she is bad news regardless.... The label does not matter, you have been treated appallingly and you deserve better..... Big hugs to you - this is normal and it will pass. trust your guts on this

#23 Apr 1 - 11AM (Reply to #2)

kgirl

thank you so much for your

thank you so much for your support... She was so sneaky and secretive and avoided so much...it is harder to point out her abuse. I know my mind plays tricks on me right now....and that is why I don't even trust my own judgement. I don't feel objective with her at all....there's just so much hurt. I am stuck on am I blaming her for my own bad choices?? I'm sure being here will help me get unstuck! hugs back to you

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