feeling horrible need support badly tonight

Fi you know i love you very much ..You have got to laugh over this its not just a little fail it is spetacular fail ... on every leavel lol ....just thank god you didnt have sex with him and brush youre self down and start again ....not with this guy though i think its save to say hes a goner . any way a british Dr of astronmy not so hot , i went out with a dr of Astonmy and he was very anal , if by a mirical he dose contact you again call him a dr of astrology .. it drives them nuts lol... there are two books you NEED to read in fact im going to come over there and sit you down to make sure you do " "the rules " and "why men marry bitches "... Big hugs ... dont feel bad we have all done it lol Scoop x

First..."boundaries" are not something you are "subtle" about...boundaries are very clear lines that are set and enforced...PERIOD...and we don't feel shy, or apprehensive about enforcing them. AND there is no criteria for a boundary...you do some soul searching you find out what they are and you enforce them...there is nothing subtle about a boundary or it's enforcement and you either have them or you don't. From following some of the things you've written, I'm not sure you even know what your boundaries are other than you really really feel the need to date...and it is apparant you are afraid of being alone and you struggle with being lonely. OKAY - welcome to being human. Problem: Until you learn that, you will keep ending up in screwed up situations. Until you find yourself, you will keep attracting excuse me..."SHIT" So, you either put on the big girl panties, do the work, grit your teeth and go through it and suffer but have better odds of some future happiness, or you keep on doing the same thing over and over and expect a different result. I don't know if you know what that results in...but the definition of that kind of activity at least amongst most is INSANITY. Your choice. Okay to hate the message, but please not the messenger as I have no gain either way in telling it how I see it, we are here to recover though and a lot of work and effort and energy goes into it. You've been at this a while. There seems to be a pattern where you will come online and give a story...you get advice then go back to looking to date...and, no I'm not saying you need to join the convent but right now it is clear that FIERFLIE is lost and I don't think that under those circumstances your results are going to be stellar. Now, lets dissect what you've written here: After a while i started to wonder what was going on, so I sent him this email : Hello Super Hottie London Boy. So you've already fed him...he's super hottie boy so no need to work for you - the card was peeped...in man speak..."Ahhh, she's on my jock" you already shot this down before you even had a chance...and YOU did it...so I'd already turn my thinking around and if he's normal and you can pull it off the damage control will have to be a period of indifference and a little more "hard to get" men...NORMAL ones, smell desperation... I know you are super busy with your friends visiting and saving the arctic and all, but I just wanted to thank you again for dinner it was so nice and an absolute pleasure. You are truly a fascinating, brilliant and incredibly sexy guy. See Above So, I'm totally totally not interested in anything serious or necessarily commital right now. Translation: I'll just flatter the shit out of you and hope it works because afterall why chase my ass when I can chase yours? Of course all girls want that at some point, but I'm hoping that would develop 'organically' Nothing organic in the first ten words of your letter Fierflie...it's pushy. from a friendship or something. Anyway, having said that, I don't know how y'all do things in the UK, but here when a guy has really sporadic communication with you, you tend to get the impression that maybe he's just not that into you, you know? So take the hint...men are men wherever they are...they all spawned from the same evolutionary ancestry...we all did. England was not exempt! Assuming this was his land of origin. If that's the case, please please don't think I will take it personally. I really hope we can be friends and I can show you around albuquerque whenever you want to come into town. And you assume he really cares what you specifically are thinking...what did his ACTIONS show? He promptly texted me telling me how gorgeous I was and how he would love to 'carry on' dating. LOL... Yes, because it's what we all want to hear...and he could be normal, but they all play the game. It's up to us to train them and your actions were an open invitaton for gametime. So, we finally had our second date and I got way to drunk (I know, I know) No you don't know because if you did, you would not have unless you wanted more of the same results. and he lives about 45 mins from where I am, so after dinner I agreed to let him come over for a bit after i protested for about 15 mins. So fierflie thought she was going to have her game on too acting coy but he already knew despite the "act" that your "no" was definately a "please, please, please come over" As predicted, we got really into it. Yes, because this is exactly what you wanted and so you got it...but we need to learn to be careful about what we wish for... It was sooooo hot, and I could tell it would have been the most amazing sex I have ever had-but I didn;t do it. I cut it short at any kind of sex (if you know what I mean). So after he left I called to make sure he found his way back to the freeway Because somehow, you thought that he wasn't capable of finding his way back home? Is he a six year old super gifted in motor skills? Or do you not trust that if he was lost and you were the only one GPS gifted he would not have the good sense to call YOU? and he didn;t pick up, but I watched him turn his ringer off on our date... i also sent him a text at 12:30 AM.... nothing... AND what did that tell you fierflie? I feel like a conplete idiot!! here, the first guy I have been attracted to since my divorce a year ago made a complete slut whore out of me Sorry Fierflie...in this case, your behavior set that up...can't blame him...men are men this is what they do unless we rather LOUDLY and AGGRESSIVELY exprss our BOUNDARIES. I get you're hurt...but learn from it. and now is most likely never going to call me again. Oh he will and it doens't make him a narc, it makes him a man but you've already peeped your card so he already knows your game... and he will call again and lay it on thick...and again, he might be a narc, or just a MAN... I'm so terrified of men, you guys. It seems the only ones I am attracted to will inevitably hurt me. Right now, work on healing, and work on you...and don't be terrified, but work and learn how to carry yourself...learn your boundaries then you don't have to be afriad of all the men. The ones you are attracted to are hurting you because POST narc...you're still making yourself a target and a victim...that is why we need to take time to step away. I am not saying that your past experience was deserved...but you have not put the work into gettin your head together, you've put more energy into trying to put a bandaid on that void and not dealing with it. He's easily gone this long between phone calls/texts, but given the information I have, and knowing that he knows full well how vulnerable I felt and how I was concerned that if I slept with him and never heard from him again.... well, you get the point... Do you get the point? He should have sent a quick text at some point after getting that intimate and my having mentioned repeatedly how the lack of contact makes me wonder about what his intentions are. Why should he have done that? What made you think that he had that obligation? What rules did you put into effect, what impression did you give him? If you are going to play the FWB game...then you have to know how to play it. I've posted a ton of articles here and nobody seems to read them then they come back with the same questions that I've put info out there on...I'm not getting it. Are we in recovery or are we just venting and like where we are? I got that electric feeling of not existing and of deflecting :( that awesome sexual chemistry... he was so sexual and dirty. ugh. I feel so bad about myself right now, like I wasn't good enough to hold his attention... need some love. I just gave you some tuff love. I posted a link with a rundown of every lesson you need to review. I hope you read it and absorb it start trying to put it into practice and come back here with your recovery boots on. Hugs!

I think you sound like a sweetheart with good intentions. I guess I am just thinking that if you were at a healthier emotional place....then your "subtle" way of saying you were ok if things didn't go on would have been just a simple "thanks for the night"?