Feeling embarrassed, disgusted

and a bit humiliated. I don't know what I want or need any of you to say to me, but I need to get this off of my chest today before it eats me alive.

I've come a long way in 4 months since the end of 7 rollercoaster years with xnWanna B Rockstar. NC is not a problem at all, in fact I have given up mutual friends, restaurants, destinations, even driving routes, just so I can avoid EVER seeing or hearing about him again. I am working on my issues and moving forward.

During the time we were together, like any good partner,I was supportive of his career and "advertized" him to friends and patients. He is very talented and people did enjoy going out on the weekend to hear him play. There has already been one incident that I wrote about a few weeks ago concerning a patient who had booked a party and then saw undignified postings on his FB page and cancelled him.

He is now playing 3 nights a week, very locally and I have had several more friends and patients ask WTF happened to him??? His behavior has gone to that of a sewer rat and the company he is associating with is extremely trailer park trash. The NGF is NOTHING like me. She is extremely vulgar, potty mouth, slutty dressing
and displays improper behavior both on FB and out in public. He is digging it and participating as well.

I realize that his behavior has nothing to do with me, and believe me, he was NOTHING like this when we were together. In fact,there was never any hint of this lewdness in him. I am no prude, but when I say I am disgusted, it is really unbelievable what I have heard.

The humilation and embarrassment comes from the thought that I could have been with him, and now that people see him acting in this manner, may be wondering WTF was wrong with me (or am I really this way, too?) for being with such a low life. I just can't believe he went from me to "that" (and no, I do not want him back!) Hell, he didn't even attempt to make a latteral move-he went as far down the ladder as he could! It takes my breath away.

Yes, I know I should not give a rat's ass what people think, but I am a professional woman with class and high standards. My friends and family know this, and they know he wasn't like this when we were together. When aquaintances or patients have asked about him, I tell them I do not know who he is anymore and really don't want to know. Still, I can't help wonder what they are really thinking.

It makes me cry thinking of how disgusting he really is and that I was with him. I really feel humiliated and do not want another soul to know that I ever had anything to do with him.

Thanks for listening,

Reason