Feeling Crazy and Need Support

23 posts / 0 new

#1 Apr 21 - 11AM

Mell

Feeling Crazy and Need Support

So my friend posted a personnal ad on a site for me (she thinks I need to get out again). I received a bunch of responses, but one in particular, seemed great.

He and I started emailing back and forth for about a week. He asked if we could talk on the phone and I said yes. Well, he starts telling me stories that sound IDENTICAL to ones I have heard from my soon-to-be-ex-N-husband. He said something about his brother and it made me ask him what his brother's name was. He told me and I just about died!!! His brother is my N Husband!!!!!

I am freaking out because I don't know if this was a setup or if I actually have this shitty of taste in men!!!

Strange though, the very next day, my N called and left me a message that he "wanted to see how I am." I didn't respond, but my head is spinning!

Was this some sick joke? Did N see me on the site and set this whole thing up? Was it the biggest frickin coincidence on the planet? Am I TRULY THIS HORRIBLE at picking decent men???

#2 Apr 25 - 11AM

Mell

Thanks for the feedback

Thanks for the feedback ladies! It's good to know that everyone seems to agree that this was NOT a coincidence. He's nuts-they are obviously BOTH nuts!

#3 Apr 25 - 12AM

TLSM

Set up!!!!!!

Omg.So obvious to us outsiders. Yes. You've been punked. This is what they do. The freak I knew did something similarly creepy. They are disordered. They have twisted ways of thinking. Perversion is their way of life! I am completely creeped out for you! HOW DARE HE IMPOSE HIMSELF in such a freaky way!!! Block him from every email, phone and tell his bro to fuck off!!!!

#4 Apr 24 - 10PM

ifinallygotit

Mell

Hello Mell! Mell, you are going to be alright but slow down and just take it easy for a minute. A couple of things to think about: First I do not believe that it is a coincidence since your pic was posted - remember blood is thicker than water (the brothers are close to each other). Second your exNH is not healthy and is capable of recruiting support to mess with you. Third, it is too soon to date after the the trauma you have been through and now this new incident just will make the recovery a little longer. My friends pushed me too to start dating this winter (when I was still very raw) so I joined a dating web site. I was kind of paranoid about putting my pic up but just did it anyway. I must have had about 40-50 men hitting on me and asking me for dates in the first week and it just totally freaked me out. First, I don't have time to email 30 guys at the end of the work day and second, I realized I was not ready to date yet because I was in shock. One was nice so I told him the truth, that it is too soon and he said ok and would be glad to hear from me in the future... We have to slow down or we will make the same mistakes again with bringing this negative energy back into our lives. You are strong Mel, so just ignore both of them, ex N and his brother. Also, you could have just hung up on him when he mentioned your husband. You are not obligated to tell men anything at this point. Hope this helps...

#5 Apr 22 - 2AM

Scoop

It seems increadble that they

It seems increadble that they will go to such lenghts but they DO ! t really messes with you . Take my narc , he use to scream at me "i dont love you and i dont want anything to do with you " so i naturaly assumed that is what he ment , so when his best friend started calling me asking to meet up for drinks i didnt think for one moment that my narc was behind the attention , i mean why would someone who dosnt want anything to do with me what to know what i was doing .. its all part of the crazy contradicions .They push and pull you all over the place and we are left trying to make sence of the sencless . Heres whats missing in their thought pattens , a normal person who recognises other people have feelings woud think "If i say that the other person may feel this so because i dont want to upset them i wont say that i will say this instead " the narc on the other hand is incaperble of understading other peoples feelings so their thought pattens is "i want this so i will do it " and their wants and needs change daily . The problem is at the start of the relationship they pretended to totaly understand our feelings and they fake empathy ... which is REALLY HARD WORK for them because it dosnt come naturaly , so after a while when they think they have done enough to secue you they drop the "act" and the terrible truth comes through .. and it spins youre head round . the trick is to center on one thought about them and that thought should be they are retards . I remember one D&D my narc did the "i dont feel it with you , i think we should just be friends " the next day he sent me a vidio of couple having sex .... now if that isnt barking mad i dont know what is . xxx

#6 Apr 21 - 2PM

Veronrose

Mell, I agree with the

Mell, I agree with the others.....that is WAYYYYYYY too coincidental. Was your picture posted on that site? And, if I may ask, when you realized he was your brother-in-law, what did you say? How did the conversation go from there and how did it end??? That is just very, VERY weird.

#7 Apr 21 - 2PM (Reply to #9)

Mell

My picture was posted on the

My picture was posted on the site, but it was an old one that my friend had on her computer and my brother-in-law had moved away and just recently moved back, so I never actually met him. I just said, OMG I am Ns wife and I recently filed for divorce from him. He said, "You are Ns wife?" He sounded surprised, but on the other hand, not as surprised as he SHOULD have sounded. I then said I had to go and got off the phone. He then text me and said he was "starting to like me" and "was sure I would like him better than his brother." I DID NOT RESPOND--the whole damn thing is TOO WEIRD and now I feel nervous. Also, N sent my daughter a text the next morning, saying that "his brother and brother's "girlfriend" were over at his house the night before." I kinda feel invaded and all I am trying to do is move on with my life...

#8 Apr 21 - 2PM (Reply to #10)

Veronrose

It's a small world, but it's

It's a small world, but it's not a friggin closet. Too many weird *coincidences*. I think you did the right thing by not responding to that text. Makes me wonder what kind of relationship he and his brother have? I know you never met him, but did your Nh ever speak of their relationship? What kind of brother is going to say he was sure you'd like him better than his brother, your soon-to-be ex-husband? It really doesn't matter, that whole thing is just too weird for words. Block his number and don't respond to any attempts from him to contact you again. Sounds like narcissism is in their genes.

#9 Apr 21 - 3PM (Reply to #16)

Mell

I agree-too weird! Yes, my

I agree-too weird! Yes, my husband spoke of and to, him often. That is why I am wondering if my husband was sitting right there and this was a crazy frigin' game because I can't imagine his brother saying I would like him better--too frigin' weird. OR maybe the whole fam-damily are a bunch of Ns!!!

#10 Apr 21 - 3PM (Reply to #17)

Veronrose

Yeah Mell, sounds like a

Yeah Mell, sounds like a game. Jeeze Louise, is there one ounce of normalcy with these people??? And you said "fam-damily"...LOL....I know it was a typo and you meant "dam-family", but gosh, what a perfect Freudian twist to describe twisted people. :)))

#11 Apr 21 - 3PM (Reply to #18)

Mell

Good Gosh, the scary part is

Good Gosh, the scary part is I think this IS NORMAL to THEM!! I said "fam-damily" backward on purpose because this whole friggin thing is ASS-BACKWARD! : )

#12 Apr 21 - 3PM (Reply to #11)

Steph

"It's a small world, but it's

"It's a small world, but it's not a friggin closet." lol! Mell, I think veronrose and the others are all right. Something is definately fishy there. Trust your gut! ....and I'm just throwing this out there, but how long have you been NC? Is it possible it may be too soon to be dating just yet? just sayin:) xoxo

#13 Apr 21 - 3PM (Reply to #12)

Mell

I am not even close to ready

I am not even close to ready to date yet--my friend just put an ad on there for "friends only" and for shits and giggles--not to seriously hook up or find a relationship.

#14 Apr 21 - 3PM (Reply to #13)

Steph

oh good! I'm happy to hear

oh good! I'm happy to hear that:) wanna say again, trust the ladies here and more importantly trust your gut.....he is behind this somehow. and you...are on to him! Jokes on him, I guess. xoxo

#15 Apr 21 - 10PM (Reply to #14)

Mell

Thank you SS78

Right now my gut is in knots, but you are right-I need to trust it. Guess I am leaning toward the fact that he truly IS this sick and capable of doing this. Thanks for the support!

#16 Apr 21 - 10PM (Reply to #15)

Steph

your gut is knots for good

your gut is knots for good reason. your body is telling you to BE ON ALERT. Stay on guard and stay strong!

#17 Apr 21 - 1PM

kizzy72

That's too ironic

Does he have access to your account or the capability to hack into your emails because that is too ironic?

#18 Apr 21 - 1PM (Reply to #5)

Mell

Nope-I never gave him access

Nope-I never gave him access to any of that type of stuff.

#19 Apr 21 - 2PM (Reply to #6)

kizzy72

Are you sure?

I'm not trying to make you paranoid, but people can do a lot of stuff without you even knowing it; install bugs on your phone, spyware on your computer or anything. He could have slickly contacted someone you know and got information. See this is the stuff that makes me just want to disappear online.

#20 Apr 21 - 2PM (Reply to #7)

Mell

I have not allowed him in my

I have not allowed him in my house in months and I have a new computer, so I don't think so. As far as getting info from someone else--I pretty much eliminated all mutual friends because they knew what was going on and did not tell me, so while it's possible, I don't think so. I agree about being online-now I am paranoid!

#21 Apr 21 - 12PM

Alibi_10

Mell

Oh dear, poor you - I have to say, reading this - I may be cynical but I do smell a rat here. Not sure of your story, i.e. was it a long time since you had heard from your ex before this happened? Whatever the reason - be thankful you found out before meeting up with him, and don't be hard on yourself. Believe me, I have picked some stinkers (particularly the last one!) - but here is the best place to recover and make sure that we never do it again ! x

#22 Apr 21 - 1PM (Reply to #3)

Mell

No it hasn't been a long

No it hasn't been a long time. It was only a month ago that I caught him with OW and filed for divorce and he contacts me about once a week (I ignore his contact).

#23 Apr 21 - 12PM (Reply to #2)

spinning

Mell,

I agree with Alibi. It's way toooooo convenient...it reeks of set up. So what? Now you know. You are not crazy. You are smart and were smart for asking the question you did. Take a few deep breaths and try to let it go! ((((hugs)))) sincerely, (having a slight glitch today but am still fighting) spinning

spinning

Path Forward Buy Now Reviews
All About Her Buy Now Reviews
All About Him Buy Now Reviews