Feel kinda sad but also freer than before

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#1 Jul 17 - 12PM
prettypeeved's picture

Feel kinda sad but also freer than before

I've had a mildly frustrating time of it and I finally realised why - I've been thinking in terms of revenge. After all the shit he's put me through, I wanted to hurt him, to make him suffer, and I realise it's twisted my viewpoint a little.

I realised I've sometimes dropped some nasty little hints on the social site we both use about "someone" who "once upon a time" caused me a lot of pain, and that you need to be careful of such nasty, chameleon-like creatures who pull you in with fantasies only so they can consume you.

And I realised I want the other people there to hate him. I want them to drive him out and tell him what a cold, callous, heartless shit he is who doesn't belong in their midst. And I'll bet he knows that he is too.

And I realised in the end that, frankly, no-one is likely to care much (unless they become a victim, of course), and the more explicit my hinting gets, the more attention he gets. The more it looks like sour grapes. The more it looks like I'M the psycho who won't leave HIM alone.

Fortunely I havent named names or anything, or been particularly obvious.

On top of that he's recently posted a little "hero" tale, where he helped out some people...and it's scarily similar to a video someone posted showing how nice people can be. It's all a bit...well. Given this is someone who can lie and lie and lie, is it really true? There's no way to know. But even if it is true, I know it's just going to have been done for show, so it can boost his ego, or so he can brag about it later and show how "nice" he is. The odds it was genuinely selfless are pretty low. And even if it was - just because he was nice in public, it doesn't change the fact that he was abusive in private.

The point is, people may see that (although no-one seems to have fallen for it, interestingly) and think "what a nice guy" and that makes me want to scream. But then I remind myself that I also fell for this bullshit. How can I get pissed off with other people for the same thing? Is that fair? I saw the same crap from my father all through my childhood. He was nicer with strangers than his own damn family.

Combine all this with my therapy session at the weekend, and we eventually concluded that I've given the whole thing my best shot. I'd done all I could in the "relationship" such as it was, and done all I could to make him understand he was hurting me, then done all I could to try and educate him as to the consequences, and then done all I could to stop him causing me further pain.

I've done my best. Revenge won't help anything.

As the computer in War Games eventually said: The only way to win is not to play.

Jul 17 - 2PM
Susan32's picture

Happiness is the BEST revenge

Oddly, that's something I told a college friend (when obliquely mentioning the ex-Psych prof, we called him He Who Must Not Be Named) BEFORE I came here. Ns/Ps WANT us hurt, pining, angry, vengeful. Believe me, the ex-P caused as much emotional pain as he possibly could. It's like he couldn't face the fact of me graduating, so he inflicted as much as he could so he wouldn't have to suffer (but he did anyway, in ways he never imagined) The ex-P thought flaunting his "dyke-y" girlfriend (as my classmates called her,she got smeared thru guilt by association) he'd drive me to the edge. After all, I had lost a friend to cancer. Instead, after I met the girlfriend (whom I liked), I went around campus so cocky I made Donald Trump look as humble as a love child of Mother Teresa and St. Francis of Assisi. I strutted around like a rooster. Nose in the air. Happy as anything--tho inside I was devastated, betrayed, profoundly hurt. Wanting revenge is counterproductive- the universe IS self-correcting. It's like the balance of the Force. I realized that my HAPPINESS would inflict so much more pain than the average revenge plot. Yikes, when I broke NC in '09, my letter to the ex-P was happier than an orgy of Care Bears, rainbows, unicorns, and Sailor Moon. It was so sugary it could've put a diabetic in shock. I was THAT sappily happy. Rubbing my happiness in his face was the BEST I could do.
Jul 17 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
prettypeeved's picture

Heh, a friend of mine has an

Heh, a friend of mine has an ex nicknamed Voldemort - he also must not be named.
Jul 17 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
Susan32's picture

The Dark Lord

This friend&I also used the term the Dark Lord-a title of BOTH Voldemort&Sauron. However, on a more benevolent tone, Shiva (the god of destruction) is called the Dark Lord-and in Hinduism, he's not evil. He destroys demons/illusions,an all-around awesome deity.
Jul 17 - 1PM
girlsinger's picture

pretty peeved

Hi There precious One well said and done "Ive done my best, revenge wont help anything" yes you have it quite right,Pretty Peeved especially the second part "revenge wont help anything" because, right there you are "spot on" not only wont it help anything... "revenge" is a horriffic "vibration" it plays havoc with our bodies and your spirit so, you are so wise to take 'revenge" out of your mix because when if we ever choose to induldge in " revenge" then they we will become" a vibrational" match to people, places and things that are "revengeful" we can actually choose to become a "vibrational match" to that "revengeful" energy so flipping the script and treating oneself with the utmost compassion, and care is paramount all the time, of course, but in particular when healing from the N wound and sometimes we get to have that lesson served up on a silver platter when we suffer the wounding that only an N can bring. I read your posts and am so happy to see your progress you have come a long way... be blessed K
Jul 17 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
prettypeeved's picture

That's a lovely way to

That's a lovely way to express it. Thanks! P.S. I read that as "precarious one" the first time! Kept wondering why I was so precarious!
Jul 17 - 12PM
Hunter's picture


With are Narc's you won't win! Winning and revenange means walking! Their true colors shine thru in time to others! We need to be true to ourselves. However, I will always keep my eyes and ears open :) Hunter