FB, Random Musings and Raising Awareness....

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#1 Jun 9 - 1PM

Anonymous (not verified)

FB, Random Musings and Raising Awareness....

It is 96 degrees today, and I think the heat must be going to my head. I've made references to the Narcs small penis size and the fact that he's dating baby Orca...nonetheless, I just got a thought that I really shouldn't fret over this whole fiasco as it's is evident we are both on to BIGGER and better things...

And when I really thought about it, I couldn't help but laugh...

As an aside, feeling much better, true to my word, early on I said I wanted to raise awareness of Narcissistic Personality Disorder abuse. Victims are misunderstood, not many therapists get it. I have started this endeavor by opening a FB Page.

I would be honored if you would join me. I intend to promote Lisa's Six Steps as I believe they are instrumental to healing; however, one way or another, I feel called to reach out as I remember how lost and cofused I was.

Perhaps becomming a "Fan" of the page will help spread the word. If each person on this forum were to "like" the page, you wouldn't have to contribute if you wanted to remain anonymous...you could say I was a friend and you are just "supporting" MY cause...but others who are suffering in silence might be led to answers.

The biggest challenge has been the lack of understanding and support.

I believe in this forum, I stand by this forum and I am thankful for this forum and for meeting everyone here. Each one Teaches one and I believe it is time we "Uncovered" the mask and made a statement about how damaging this form of abuse is.

I am especially concerned given that the APA is planning to remove NPD from the DSM...while I can appreciate their "propaganda" I have little hope that things will change in terms of support for us.

It is forums like this that have helped us maintain our sanity with or without the help of therapists.

So I invite you to join me on FB...and please "Like" and share whatever you wish. AND if you wish, please do feel free to post information, comments and insight.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Betty-LaLuna-Narc-Raider-Extraordinaire/1...

Hugs!

#2 Jun 9 - 5PM

enpsychopedia r... (not verified)

Assbook

Sara-Smile and I are thinking of starting *Assbook for narc victims. LOL. Kidding...but I think it would get LOTS of attention.

#3 Jun 9 - 6PM (Reply to #38)

michele115 (not verified)

I flirted with that idea...

I think one exists already...LMBO!!!

#4 Jun 9 - 4PM

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

How are privacy settings set

How are privacy settings set on your page? I know that with Lisa's, she has it set to Friends of Friends so if I comment or like something, my friends and family can see it, so I'm very careful what I do that with. I can't have them wondering why I like a book about surviving a romantic relationship with a Narc for example.

#5 Jun 9 - 4PM (Reply to #34)

michele115 (not verified)

I have three pages

My first page...who I really am is totally private My second page is set to friends only; however people can see my posts. That is so that people can see what I am about. It is my fake persona. Anyone who has become a FRIEND to Betty Laluna from here, it is discussed we don't speak about our private things regarding the Narc but if one wishes to comment they may do so. I do not comment on specifics, except for my own ranting and musings...it is up to the individual to decide what they wish to share or not share. THE NARC RAIDER PAGE like EVERY FACEBOOK PAGE is a page open to the public; however, unless you comment, the public cannot see who the members are. I could have 500 members, but you won't see who those individuals are unless they decide to comment. Finally, one can like the FB page but not necessarily elect to become Betty LaLuna's friend. Some are Betty's Friend as well as like her page, some like her page and not her friend...completely optional. It's just like this page, ANYONE can view it, you don't have to be a member. Lisa elected to do that for the same reasons that I have or vice versa -her idea first...some wish to remain anonymous - but the information is out there...having a closed group serves no purpose as how do you get the information out? Again, the Narc Raider page from what I noticed and from what I've tested on other PAGES...you cannot see the members, only if and when they comment. DO NOT CONFUSE this with FB GROUPS. That is the reason why I elected to start a page rather than a group. Hugs!

#6 Jun 9 - 5PM (Reply to #35)

Ladydb123

OK

I am having a problem with you having (3) different pages. I understand Personal and Private. Friends and Family are good as well. Awareness is a good thing. I hate to say this but you are sounding like N.... I truly believe Lisa's site and a few other's are enough for me. I recommend everyone go to your FB Account and check your Privacy Settings. My Comupter Guy is the Best, he is my sweetheart right now.

#7 Jun 9 - 5PM (Reply to #36)

michele115 (not verified)

Lady

What I do on the awareness front, like everyone else here has nothing to do with my private life. Why would I merge the two? In order to have a page, you need to have an account. I don't want my awareness page connected to my real identity so where do you see the problem? Is it not valid for me to have security/privacy concerns as well? Moreover, what if someone likes the cause but doesn't necessarily care for me? Why should they have to be my FB friend? The PAGE is public anyone can join... I'm not getting your point, nor understanding how that is narcissistic. I think it just makes sense from a security/privacy standpoint. Finally, it is because I benefitted from the site that I wish to spread the word. How many victims are told they have some kind of disorder for staying? How many are told that they are to blame, how many are beating themselves up because friends and family don't understand? AND how long did it take to find this site? That is the whole point...I ran though enough snake oil salesmen in this "healing" industry, I've trolled a lot of the NPD abuse forums myself...THIS is the only one I use, this is the only one I contribute to. I do my homework and "troll" other sites and I am amazed at the amount of disinformation, as many of these "self help" guru's for a "price" offer you healing...BUT Lisa's site is FREE and the help is legitimate, powerful and healing so why wouldn't I want to spread the word? How is that Narcissistic to want to give back? There is no profit attached to my endeavor but I know how I suffered, I know how I fought and thought I was ready for the nuthouse...read some of my blogs, the ones that talk about my EARLY recovery...for me, I want the word out...it's not enough to take what I was given, the help I was given, the support I was given then rush off and go live my life...NO when you are led, when you are helped, and when you don't have to pay for it...YOU GIVE BACK, in some way and this is my way of giving back.

#8 Jun 9 - 2PM

Done sourcing

Only for my growth

I have read a couple posts here that indicate a couple members have made their N's aware of this site. I think that is a bad idea. It gives the narc supply. For me, I would be giving my exnw supply by linking myself in any way on FB to anything to do with this sensitive issue. I have to carefully check my own true motivation. I am sure some members here could post experiences here as to how successful it is to inform the N that they have NPD, BPD, or any other mental disorder. It is fuel for the fire. NC will put the fire out. Some of thes Narcs not only hoover but hover, watching our cyber moves, fb is a no brainer for that. I got shit from my exnw when I changed my fb status to single after my divorce was final. They are among us, snooping, watching, hovering, either at us or their last or next victim, or all at the same time. Every day I pray for indifference, and try, sometimes not sucessfully, to move forward! chris

#9 Jun 9 - 4PM (Reply to #26)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Bad Idea

Who has made their Narcs aware of this site? I haven't seen those posts. That is a VERY bad idea like you say because it gives them supply. I can only imagine my exN reading the posts on here about how much he really hurt me, how much pain I'm still in, how I'm still thinking about him all the time.... talk about supply! It would be the jackpot! As for FB, you can block your exNW so she can't see your profile or anything you post or like. Even if she does a search for you on there it would come up empty.

#10 Jun 9 - 4PM (Reply to #27)

Done sourcing

my kids are my friends

my 3 kids are my fb friends, and my exnw is friends with our shared child. Any recommendations regarding how to edit my fb account will be greatly appreciated. I hadn't really given the issue much thought, but I think any reasonable attempt to limit her ability to get supply from me is healthy. Grats, Chris

#11 Jun 9 - 5PM (Reply to #31)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

Hmmm...... that's tricky.

Hmmm...... that's tricky. Because even if you block her, she may have access through your shared child's page or she could extract information about you by asking. But you can and should absolutely block her specifically as we all should. I did that with mine when I went NC 12 weeks ago. There are so many ways to tweak your privacy settings on there too, which is a separate issue from blocking. To block your exNW, go to her profile page, even if she's not on your friends list just by typing her name in the search field, and you will see a link below her profile pic to "Report/block this person." Click that link and it will give you some more options. Warning! When she realizes you've done that, expect her to rage about it.

#12 Jun 9 - 5PM (Reply to #32)

Done sourcing

Thanks Kitten

I haven't looked at her page in a long time (smiling right now seeing my improvement) been at least 4-5 months, and I refuse to look at her page ever again. But I did check my settings and they were kinda loose, so I made everything friends only, best I can do and I don't use fb as a forum anyways. Thanks for taking the time to help! Chris

#13 Jun 9 - 4PM (Reply to #28)

michele115 (not verified)

Friends ONLY

On everything would be the way to go...

#14 Jun 9 - 5PM (Reply to #29)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

And, you can group your friends.

I have my friends in different groups and I can set various privacy settings to include or exclude certain groups. Even when I post something, I can change the privacy setting as I'm doing it to only allow specific people or groups to see it or to exclude certain people or groups from seeing it. My groups are broken down by Family, Classmates, Old Friends, Religious Friends, etc. Typically if I post something I think might offend my religious friends, I exclude them from seeing it. Usually it's a song with explicit language in it, but one time it was the definition of Hypocrisy, which I posted specifically for my exN before I blocked him, and I didn't want any of my religious friends to think I was referring to them. We weren't "friends" anymore and I was still peeking at his page and I knew he was looking at mine too (friends of friends option). He posted a status update about the great message he received in church that morning with new OW, and I just about threw up in my mouth. At this point, I knew what he was and about all his lies. If you look up hypocrite in the dictionary you'll see his picture next to it. A guy who breaks more commandments in a day than most people do in a lifetime.

#15 Jun 9 - 5PM (Reply to #30)

Ladydb123

You

Are my "Girl", cuz u are on top of your game with FB and your ExNarc's sh....You helped Chris as well. You have recognized his dark light. Mime even told me the best place to find woman is in the "Church". I am older and all I want to deal with is My family and true Friends. "Life is much to Short" to deal with Maddness on a dailey basis. "Love doesn't Hurt it Heals"......

#16 Jun 9 - 2PM (Reply to #21)

Deidre40

Bad idea to give the narc

Bad idea to give the narc this site link.

#17 Jun 9 - 2PM (Reply to #22)

michele115 (not verified)

I'd like to clarify

Number one, the page name is under an alias...nor is my photo an accurate reprsentation of me. My "REAL" FB page has a different name. Secondly, someone can like a page but not necessarily be seen...you are only seen if you comment. That is the difference between a group and a page. I believe if you were to view the page you would not see who the "LIKES" were. That is not meant to coerce anyone but to clarify. Lisa has a FB page here and our privacy or safety has not been compromised. Finally, I don't view it as giving the Narc this site's link, I am giving the victims the site's link...A narc will find you if he wants to...but it is my feeling the victims outnumber the narcs and that is who I am trying to reach...again, just like this site - anonyminity is respected and it does not change the work I am committed to doing here whether you "like" the page or not... We are still all doing the work in whatever way makes us comfortable. Hugs!

#18 Jun 9 - 3PM (Reply to #23)

Done sourcing

to Betty LaLuna

love the boots, "liked" the page. I am willing to grow, and believe my motive was clean and that it won't bite me in the ass. Not afraid, just experienced with the ways of the narc. Chris

#19 Jun 9 - 4PM (Reply to #25)

Ladydb123

Chris

I also have my concerns..... I am not afraid for me but I have family members to protect. I know for sure that my narc/friend is very vindictive and will not hesitate to cause problems, pain or injury to get back. He even plays dumb sometimes, but if he doesn't know something he will find out what he wants to know. I have even seen him comment/post on peoples walls and then the next day remove it. I do understand the importance of Betty LaLuna's page and I will another way to support her and Lisa E.

#20 Jun 9 - 3PM (Reply to #24)

michele115 (not verified)

Thank you!

And it can be "READ" only, you don't have to say one word unless you want to... Hugs!

#21 Jun 9 - 2PM (Reply to #19)

wacaet

I have two things in my favor

I have two things in my favor that allow me to like her page, 1 I have over 400 friends on facebook and I've liked a ton of different things 2. I blocked the N my close friends know about the N, the other people don't pay enough attention to my cluttered fb page to even notice what I like I think spreading the word one on one is important but I also think raising awareness of the entire public is important. I wish they'd taught us this in school! It's way more valid than the life cycle of a fruit fly

#22 Jun 9 - 2PM (Reply to #20)

michele115 (not verified)

Wacaet

Absolutely! I think this should be raised on the Jr. High level...they give the Sex Ed talk in schools, find ten minutes to go over this...it is important...understanding what a healthy relationship is...it is a direct route to Domestic Violence and I am amazed at how ineffective the current programs in place are... Thank you so much for your support. I was just reading an article, I have to find it but it essentially said Domestic Violence gets but what amounts to a paragraph figuratively speaking in Psych school! Hugs!

#23 Jun 9 - 2PM (Reply to #16)

Used

N,S

HOW DO YOU KNOW MEMBERS HAVE TOLD THEIR N,S/WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT COS THE N,S WOULD OBVIOUSLY KNOW WHO THEY ARE EVEN WITH USER NAMES. , I HAD THE STRANGEST FEELING LAST NIGHT ABOUT 4ACES BEIGN REALY A MAN...ANYWAY I WONT BE DOING F/B EITHER THO IT IS A GREAT IDEA.. IT WOULD MAKE ME FEEL TOO EXPOSED.

#24 Jun 9 - 3PM (Reply to #17)

Done sourcing

metoo

If you pay attention to my posts you know I am a man, 57 yrs old, and was married to an N (not sure about how many letters should go behind that, lol). Funny you should mention the member not known as 5kings, I sensed so much resistance in that members writings it made me uncomfortable. I am an empath, and get strong sensory signals alot. I also wondered about gender of above mentioned member, but it truly doesn't matter. We take what we can use here and leave the rest. We all also realize we are at different points in this journey, and we ALL bring baggage. Chris

#25 Jun 9 - 3PM (Reply to #18)

michele115 (not verified)

Well Said

And I agree Chris. Thank you so much for sharing. I am sorry that such circumstances led you here, but I am confident that you will find clarity and healing on the journey. All the best!

#26 Jun 9 - 2PM (Reply to #5)

michele115 (not verified)

Done Sourcing

I compeletely respect your position. For me, it is about raising awareness, I have no interest in what the Narc does...I am more concerned about the victims. This is not about informing the N they have NPD it is about reaching out to victims who think they're going crazy, sinking into a depression, slowly being destroyed and have no idea why they are in shambles. It took me months before I found this site. In fact, I walked right past Lisa's book in a bookstore in Florida thinking my problem was that my ex was a former addict and the problems were based on "addiction" I won't let the narc find me cowering in silence - the difference is I am past it. I can completely understand your desire to want to remain anonymous - everyone heals in their own way. For me, I decided that I would not let this destroy me and it really did take me for a whirl...totally devastated me. If I can raise awareness and at least turn someone on to a possibility, then I've done my part to give back. I'd never heard of NPD before this...and they were quite ready to slap the bi-polar label on me because of all the emotional changes I was going through. Hugs!

#27 Jun 9 - 4PM (Reply to #10)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

I was aware of NPD because of

I was aware of NPD because of my research on BPD a few years ago regarding my mother. Back then I even said, what's the real difference between the two? Not much IMO. The biggest difference I see is that more women are diagnosed BPD and more men NPD. But I never connected what I'd read about it back then to my current situation with the N because the dynamics of a romantic relationship are so different than with your mother. It was only toward the end, and after numerous hot & cold roller coaster rides, when I started to connect the dots. At one point I said to my friend who was there through all of it, I wonder if he's bi-polar? Then I remembered how at one point during the relationship, and I don't even know when, I realized he had no empathy. We were discussing something and when it dawned on me, I even told him. He had no empathy or compassion. I would say, how do you think that makes me feel? And he just didn't get it. Then there was the fact that he always needed so much attention from all his women friends on FB. How he would post things to illicit that attention. And how he was always fishing for compliments from me. Like I said, it took me a while to start connecting the dots and I slowly started thinking Narcissist and began to realize there WERE some things that reminded me of mother. So then I went back to Sam Vaknin's site which I had discovered in my earlier research, and BINGO! Textbook. But I still didn't know about this site or all the others.

#28 Jun 9 - 4PM (Reply to #11)

michele115 (not verified)

Another disorder that women get rather than NPD

is Histronic...

#29 Jun 9 - 7PM (Reply to #12)

Smitten Kitten (not verified)

And all of these disorders

And all of these disorders overlap so much that I'm on board with Thomas Sheridan in just calling them all Psychopaths. The more I read, there is nothing that really separates them into different categories, it's all just a matter of degree on the same spectrum. They all share certain core characteristics that define them. All these different labels are confusing and water it down. The term Narcissist almost glamorizes the disorder. Everyone knows the word, but nobody understands what it really means - the disorder. When you call someone a Narc, the image it conjures up in most people is someone who is self-centered, selfish, vain, arrogant, pompous, conceited, egotistical, etc. All annoying and undesirable traits for sure. But unless you've encountered it and educated yourself, it does NOT conjure up the reality of the destruction these people do. How dangerous they really are. Their lack of empathy, guilt and remorse; the inability to feel real, deep human emotions; the inability to love; the creation of a false image/persona/mask to disguise their true self and ensnare victims; master manipulation skills; pathological lying; predators targeting victims to use for their own personal gain and nothing more; denigrating & hurting people intentionally in order to feel superior; to control other people at all costs. Narcissism, Borderline, Histrionic, etc. fail to convey just how destructive these disorders truly are. The public in general, when hearing these terms, either don't know what they mean or interpret that these are "difficult" and "hard to get along with" people. They do not realize how they annihilate the lives of others. Psychopath on the other hand, evokes images of dangerous, crazy people who are unfeeling, uncaring, willing to hurt others to get what they want, and capable of most anything. Isn't this what we've been describing here about our abusers?

#30 Jun 10 - 7AM (Reply to #15)

wacaet

so true! mine even called

so true! mine even called himself a narc...I just thought it meant he was vain & self-centered not a psychopath bent on destroying all women he comes into contact with!

#31 Jun 9 - 9PM (Reply to #13)

michele115 (not verified)

Smitten

I agree 1000 percent!! Thank you for saying this... Hugs!

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