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#1 Sep 26 - 8AM
alicat
alicat's picture

Family

My middle son had a soccer tournament this weekend. My ex-N's brother is the coach. That doesn't really bother me, but his wife and I still talk and are friendly with each other (brother's wife). She always gets on the subject on my ex-N. She can't stand him, because he has gone off on her quite a few times and was just seeing how I was doing. I talke about it a little on Saturday, but on Sunday she brought him up again. I told her I did not want to talk about it or hear about what he is doing. Then she proceeded to tell me he has a new girlfriend and that she doesn't drink! She said I wonder how that will work out? (my ex-N is an alcoholic)! Of course he blames his problems on me! I got depressed after she told me that, and I told her I did not want to know anything. Now I keep thinking that he is having a really good life with this new girl, and he is treating her good. I am back to being depressed. Still not talking to my mom and now this!!! I just don't understand!! I feel so discarded! A few men are callling me, but I can't even feel anything! I figured he would jump on the first girl that came his way. He probably is already telling her he loves her after only a month!!! Anyway, I just cant wait for things to get better! This depression is killing me!!!!

Sep 26 - 2PM
uk lady
uk lady's picture

A thought about boundaries

If you ever find yourself in that situation again it might be wiser (and more comfortable) for you to say to the ex-SIL before anything comes up in conversation, that you are there primarily to support your son, the soccer match and to enjoy your day, and that you would really appreciate it if she didn't talk about your ex as you feel it is inappropriate in the setting. It is just gossip in any event and these people can walk away to get on with their lives whereas you are left with an assortment of feelings to ruminate over. Set your boundaries from the outset and if they don't respect that then walk away. It's our only defence - protect ourselves. I so know it isn't easy but you deserve better. I don't mean to sound harsh but feel for you and know what these people are like. Big hugs. Dee x
Sep 26 - 11AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

I remember all too well how

I remember all too well how much it hurt. It hurt so bad that I even felt physical pain. It's unbearable at times but always remember, it won't always feel that way. With each new day, brings promise. And the memory of him will become distant. Think of it as driving away in your car and viewing him from your rearview mirror. I will become further away with every glance. Keep doing what you are doing. You are on the right track! You should be very proud of yourself!
Sep 26 - 10AM
Used
Used's picture

alicat

this reeks of obsession...hers not yours.....when one talks like that they are obsessed.....walk away if she talks of him again....she is winding you up...the sorry cow..
Sep 26 - 11AM (Reply to #4)
alicat
alicat's picture

Used, you are right! everyone

Used, you are right! everyone loves to know what's going on! They don't take into account our feelings and what we are actually going through!!!
Sep 26 - 11AM (Reply to #5)
Used
Used's picture

alicat

yes they are using our pain for some drama....just so long as they arent in pain...i had a friend who totally lived off the drama of me and exn, but i only relized when i nc him and said to her ..ok i dont want to talk about him or hear about him....did this stop her NO?....did me dropping her from a great height...YES...lol, you have to laugh or you will cry at some people...
Sep 26 - 10AM
Sparrow
Sparrow's picture

Things will get better

Things will get better Alicat. Your sister in-law is insensitive and does not know boundaries. The next time she brings him up, move your chair a few feet away. She will wonder why you are doing that, but only for a minute. When she reapproaches you, tell her kindly that you love and adore her and want to continue to have the relationship you have but to please respect your request to not discuss him. Mine are extremely respectful to me. I told them from the word go that they would always be my family but we would have to agree, I won't ask about Mike, and they won't volunteer info about Mike. And it has worked very nicely! Mutual respect is an amzing attribute. You must demand it of her, in a nice fashion of course. As far as him being happy........IMPOSSIBLE! It's impossible for him to be happy with you or any other woman for that matter. Down right impossible. Please, do not fret over whether he is telling her he loves her. Remember, they are lies, he is incapable of such an emotion. Once you come to that realization as a fact, not an opinion, you will be better able to process what is actually happening to you. Good luck and stay strong!!!
Sep 26 - 10AM (Reply to #2)
alicat
alicat's picture

Thank you so much sparrow!

Thank you so much sparrow! Just when I think I'm getting ahead I get thrown back! I have been doing great with NC! I just want everyone to stop talking about him. I will make sure it never happens again!!! Your right! I need to put it in my head that he is incapable of loving anyone. I am just real hurt right now. Thanks for your support.