Facing our own issues in healing

In my own healing process, I also had to face my own issues. A few years ago, my exN boyfriend and I went to a counselor who specializes in treating narcissism. His name is Dr. Sam in Miami, Florida. We did a one-hour counseling session through SKYPE on the computer.

My exN aired out all our dirty laundry and every unresolved argument during the counseling session. Instead of seeking help, he used our counselor as a referee. It was horrible. I had to defend myself in this counseling session and responded to all of my exN's accusations and issues he brought up. At the end of the counseling session, the counselor said to both of us, "I recommend that both of you pack your bags because if you stay together or marry, you will end up killing each other."

Then afterwards, the counselor called me on my cell phone and told me that my exN was an "extreme narcissist" and told me to run for the hills. In the same breath, he did honestly tell me that I need to seriously examine why I am attracted to men that need fixing. He said that I know my expectations of what I want in a man and that I should not settle. He said there are plenty of good men out there who will want to meet my needs and expectations without me having to fix them or do any major overhauls. So he recommended that I take time out to think about why I have this issue/pattern of settling with a fixer-upper man.

Even though my exN boyfriend had his issues, I realize that I have my own issue that I have to personally take responsibility for. The truth is that if I was healthy, I would not have this codependent tendency to gravitate towards men who need lots of work. As a wise counselor once said to me in my twenties, "healthy people gravitate towards healthy people." So it was an eye opener for me to realize that I had to work on my own issue of wanting to fix men. I'm thankful for Dr. Sam for pointing that out to me because now I'm sensitized and aware of my own tendencies.

Facing my own issues have also helped in my healing. Life's lessons are hard but if we do the work necessary, we can hopefully make few mistakes and better decisions in the future.