Ex narc just came to my flat

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Soldier Girl
Soldier Girl's picture
Ex narc just came to my flat

Hi all I have been staying close to this site to maintain Nc with ex of 3-+ years
He came to my flat today and rang my bell I looked out the window and he was there grinning up
I never let him in but some one else did ! Then he is knocking on my door I was thinking what should I do? As I did not want him to think I am scared of him .. Am not physically scared of him but he is so scary emotionally what he has done to me is sick
So after a while I opened the door and stuck my foot in it . He could see I was not going to invite him in so he said he was just passing and checking if I am ok , I said I was great and he said I looked good . I asked him how his friend was Ow and he saiid he had not come to talk about that
He asked what was I doing . I said I was going to town in a bit he said shopping I said yes
I asked him how he was ? he said he is good and has a little cleaning job
He talked some rubbish about my neighbors and then said for me to holla at him and started to go
I asked him how his son was and said he was ok , I said good and he said bye I said bye and he left. ... Don't think he was happy just talked to him polite like he was a stranger well he is
The horrors this man has done to me is crazy he is evil My head is spinning

Scoop
Scoop's picture
they do this kind of thing
they do this kind of thing all the time , its to check up to see how upset you are and to remind you they are still around , they hate NC it drives them nuts . Next time dont open the door and certainly next time dont ask him any questions , this makes you seem intrested in them and they take it as a green light that you are still hung up on them , which you maybe be are but he is the last person you want to know that as that is golden supply for the psychopath and he will be back for more in no time .big love scoop x
Soldier Girl
Soldier Girl's picture
Hey scoop
Thank you for your advise He never saw me looking sad or broken and I spoke to him in a not interested atitude That's why he left and was pretending he was only passing by.. I
Miss_Jade
Miss_Jade's picture
Mine did a similar thing
Id say next time dont even open the door, haha. It will drive him crazy. My ex used to live with me in the apartment i live in now, and he likes to drop off little things of mine that he "finds" with his stuff. In reality, i think he just kept it to have an excuse to come over here when no one else wants to deal with him. He sounded pretty disapointed when i told him to just throw the stuff away last time. this happens for a while after you go NC, but as soon as he realizes he cant get a rise out of you anymore hell go away. may take a while for him to get that, but eventually hell leave you alone. Stay strong!! =)
Soldier Girl
Soldier Girl's picture
Thanks Miss-Jade
As he seen me I thought he might think I was scared of him and that would give him supply? He could tell that I was not interested and I thought that will hurt him more . What should I care what he thinks anyway he is scum . But wondering what he will do now to get back at me for not showing any interest . As he has always found some way to hurt me back
spinning
spinning's picture
Soldier, this is where total
NO CONTACT comes into play. You see as long as you engage with this guy you will continue to be in the "push/pull" of who will hurt who and how. If you just leave it, i.e. never answer the door and never speak to him again, your head will never again be "spinning" from encounters with him. Every encounter that you allow, whether you seem disinterested or not, gives him POWER over you. It gives him supply. You give him your time and attention when he "demands it" like a pouty little boy and that's all he needs until the next time he decides to "drop by" to see how you are. I hope this doesn't sound too brutal. It's the game and I know it well...thus my name "spinning." I earned it the hard way and want to prevent others from ever spinning over these FREAKS again. At least consider absolute NC. Who cares if he thinks you're afraid of him or not...you know you are not. Who cares what he thinks, period? He relinquished any influence in your life when he choose to treat you so poorly. You don't owe him a damn thing. Most sincerely, (fighting to keep from) spinning EVER AGAIN FOR ANY MAN, FOR ANY ONE!!

spinning

Soldier Girl
Soldier Girl's picture
Thanks spinning
Thanks for your help I need all I can get right now My body feels like I have been in a fight I am not eating or sleeping properly I only feel ok when there is Nc . My friend said I should of just told him to f**k off but I thought he would be happy that he got me angry ! ! So like you say I just won't open the door to him again and then there is no issue . He lives a mile away in a small town So if I see him I will just be like I am in a hurry and can't stop Big hug x