Ex N Visiting

My ex N is visiting D next week, which means he is coming in from his state and staying in the area for a few days. His last trip last month I got the impression there was trouble in paradise with him and live in GF of a year. He made statements about himself and plans HE had, not them, etc. Well last night when he called he said that "he cant live far from D anymore", he wants to talk to me when he is up here. He said he feels "trapped " in his current situation.
Ok, this is a man that a year ago after our divorce I asked him how he was doing and he said "I dont want to talk to you about me". Now I sense there is trouble with him and GF and he is coming to me for source supply? Do you think this is what is going on? am tempted and curious to see what he has to say-but at the same time I have come far and dont want to jeopardize my own healing. What to do? and do you think this is typical Hoovering?

shyloh's picture

Thank you all for your response and support. I know the answer inside-just good to get validation and support on here. Not that I want to believe the answer, because there is some delusional fantasy buried in my head that wishes he would come back and be the man I thought he was. So...your saying dont even talk to him about his possible relocation regarding our D? Or shall I just let him figure it out on his own? We live 1200 miles away and I have heard this before (relocation), especially when we were attempting to work things out. Now his daughter is almost 5. And yes Hunter thanks for the tuff love. I realize my healing journey is longer than some:)
Hunter's picture

This guy treated you like dirt... Dont you give him one ounce of your time.. Keep the bad memories in the forefront.. Contact = Pain every single time.. DELETE! Hunter
shyloh's picture

Thanks Hunter. I will keep writing, so I can stay strong. I know it may sound pathetic to you, but it is still very hard. And you are right he treated me like utter dirt. He even threatenned to put me 6 feet under-helllllllllloooooo shyyyyyloh. I have realized at the age of 40, that I do not need a man at all. And I believe that I have grown from this divorce and become stronger and more aware. But sometimes, it is hard, because there are things about having a husband, or a man, etc that I miss and I just havent dated at all. One or two dates in two years. I am completeley open to it-but I live in a secluded area and there is really no one. I will keep working on myself and raising my girls. I am working on not equating 'moving on' with 'having a relationship-cause it isnt about that. But again, it is still hard to not have some type of adult fun (and I dont mean just sexually).
Kiwi2005's picture

Agree with Sparrow! Stay the hell away! Of course it's hoovering!! Ohh Hunter, I freaking love you- Shyloh stay close to the site and keep reading. This situation couldn't have hoovering written any clearer! Hunter is a tough lover, but she knows her stuff :) Listen to her :) Xoxoxo
spinning's picture

and am glad to hear you have made progress in your healing. Your gut is telling you what to do. You write "Now I sense there is trouble with him and GF and he is coming to me for source supply? Do you think this is what is going on? am tempted and curious to see what he has to say-but at the same time I have come far and dont want to jeopardize my own healing." Listen to your gut! You've earned it through the hard work and healing. Not listening and trusting our own intuitive powers is what gets us into trouble with these manipulators in the first place. Shy, also, I'll give you a reality check. He has nothing to say that you haven't heard before. It's all the same crap he likely said to OW about you and now you'll just hear it about OW. You've been there and done that and have the scars to show it. Really, whatever could he possibly say that would remotely interest you in this regard? If you think it will give you satisfaction, think again. It will just get your head spinning. You will get more satisfaction from keeping it STRICTLY BUSINESS about your D. and visitation. PERIOD. HE CHOSE TO ABANDON YOU and the consequences are he no longer has a RIGHT TO USE YOU TO PROP HIM UP. Ugh. I hope this helps some, Shyloh. He's hoovering and I say put the barricades up right away. Sincerely, (not) spinning. IT'S BEEN HARD WORK TO STOP, BUT I WILL NEVER AGAIN SPIN FOR ANY MAN, FOR ANYONE!


Sparrow's picture

This is very much "hoovering" STAY AWAY!!!!!!! He is feeling that the relationship he is currently in is ending, or maybe alkready has. He is securing you as new supply. My ex just did the same thing to me!! Trust me, there is nothing they can do or say that will result in any thing being different. You have two scenerios to look forward to when involved with a narc. Horrible endings or horrors without end. Stay NC!!!!!!!!!! For your own sake!
Hunter's picture

I'm sorry you' ve been here 36 weeks and your asking what to do?. Contact = Pain Hunter