EX and new wife and son

15 posts / 0 new

#1 May 25 - 6AM

justwantpeace

EX and new wife and son

I guess sometimes its hard trying to wrap my mind around how sick and sad these people are. Son started talking some more about his dad. I feel so bad for him.

He said his dad got another ticket sunday and new wife let him have it. She is also paying the way for everything. Ex use to talk about her house and her money. Well he got what he wanted a new supply and access to her and her money. Its sad for her but I realize I am so ready for him to go his way now. Its sad but he married her for what she can do for him. He is all about him. I never hear son say what he does for her. He said his dad wants a new motorcycle. He had to sell the old one in our divorce because he couldnt afford it on his own. I was thinking how I am worried about sending son to college and making sure his needs are met. Then ex is worried about the now and how to meet his needs. What did I see in this man for almost 20 years? How did I let this happen?

I realized I am a backup supply and that has finally stuck. It really sunk in after son was talking last night. I have been reading on the restraining order. I start all the process to try and settle things thursday. I keep looking for the what next regarding son. That is the only way ex can get to me and he knows it. Ive tried really hard to seperate myself from ex.

I feel guilty about my son and cant seem to get past that. I feel like I am leaving him to the wolves so to speak. He cant divorce his dad. I hope and pray the new therapist can really help son learn to cope with his dad. Also show me ways that I can help son.

Son and I set up a code word. This may sound silly. My mom suggested it. (she has come around to seeing ex for what he is finally). Son was suppose to spend an extra night sunday with his dad. I knew something was wrong. He said he was ok with it. I made him come home. I explained why and how I felt uncomfortable with him staying. He said he was actually glad because he gave in and agreed to stay so his dad would shut up. He said mom I still dont want the extra time with dad. I just feel for my son.

#2 May 26 - 1PM

justwantpeace

communication

it got blown out of the water when i told him to leave me alone. it didnt help and i should have known better. cause i just have him what he wanted a reply and attention. i dont know if he is picking because he knows my lawyer has to respond to his.

#3 May 26 - 8AM

justwantpeace

document

barbara Im writing down what happened. im glad you suggested that. im going to sit down with son tonight to write his part down. ex tried to draw me into that argument. he sent me a message that i was letting son be disrespectful and yelling at him. i can understand sons frustration. i heard the conversation. ex kept on trying to get his reply he wanted. i saw how he is trying to condition son also. it made me sick to my stomach. he can message me from email to my phone. i was getting messages at 1130pm at night. i did reply and said please leave me alone. i have those copies for my lawyer. he sent in the message that he wants us to stick together on sons discipline. my view on that is stick together after telling me i need to grow up and get right with the Lord. I have my papers and emails and everything for the lawyer. I also have my info for the r. o. all this starts being taken care of tomorrow at 1pm. i took the afternoon off work to handle all this.

#4 May 26 - 8AM (Reply to #12)

sanctuary

Here's the translation: When

Here's the translation: When they say they want to "stick together" or "co-parent," it means you do what they say and support whatever BS they're trying to dish on to the children. When you ask the same thing they tell you you're "interfering" in their relationship with the kids, you're "sabotaging" them, or of course the old stand by, you're trying to "alienate" the kids (good 'ole PAS). Barbara's right document everything!!! And get that R.O. He's not going to stop unless someone he is afraid of (the courts) makes him. We had other restrictions in place through the courts that kept mine from doing that to me, though he tried. Parenting Coordinator, then Therapeutic Interventionist, and now my daughter's lawyer oversees all communication for the time being. Just because you have a child together DOES NOT give him the right to harass you!

#5 May 26 - 9AM (Reply to #13)

justwantpeace

oh my gosh

i think you were at my house last night. Yes i have been told its not my place to interfer in their relationship, to i should work with him, to im sticking my nose in, im turning son against him, to we should stick together. i feel like he put me in a round room and said find the corner. im very uptight right now. im just ready for tomorrow to be here. I hope to get everything handled and in place to stop this and protect my son. if anyone has any other ideas i would love to hear them before i go tomorrow. i have my stuff for the r.o. i see my lawyer at 1pm. i have my emails printed. i have my text messages. i have sons text messages. im working on my journal entries to get as much as i can done.

#6 May 25 - 10AM

justwantpeace

THANKS

its just not fair to the kids. the excuse dad is giving to the lawyers is son tells him one thing and tells me another. he said he doesnt pressure son into anything. thanks its nice to talk to people who are going thru this. im very anxious right now. Im just ready for thursday to come and go. I just want to move this along and get it over with. i think i am anxious about the fallout from ex. its part of the standing up for myself and scared of the blow to come.

#7 May 25 - 2PM (Reply to #6)

Barbara (not verified)

justwantpeace

keep a log of what son tells you tell lawyers Dad plays games... give them copy of log. He is to use EMAIL only to communicate with you or son from now on. Period. NO EXCUSES. RESTRAINING ORDER FOR YOU... NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#8 May 25 - 2PM (Reply to #7)

justwantpeace

you would be proud barbara

no communication lately. im working on it. honestly i didnt think of that about the log. i will start that.

#9 May 25 - 4PM (Reply to #8)

Barbara (not verified)

justwantpeace

always log EVERYTHING... every single thing he does or says or communicates or tries to... EVERYTHING his emails, texts his communications with son his attempts to see you his attempts to get near you ...same with his mother include time, date, where it happened... as much as possible. AND GET THAT R.O.!! Email only. And include his Mommy Dearest and new wife on it too. No more hemming, hawwing, excuses, dragging your feet... do it NOW. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#10 May 26 - 6AM (Reply to #9)

justwantpeace

thanks

I had been keeping text and emails. I feel so bad for son. He and ex got into a fight last night. i cant stand it. son doesnt want ex coming to say bye for his trip. Ex started in on him. son ended up hanging up on him.

#11 May 26 - 7AM (Reply to #10)

Barbara (not verified)

justwantpeace

write down in that journal EVERYTHING ex does or says or texts or emails... EVERYTHING - including what son remembers about this argument. Include date, time, etc. copy to your lawyer GET THAT R.O. for yourself ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller

#12 May 25 - 11AM (Reply to #4)

sanctuary

I've been through that

I've been through that too...or the child is trying to make everyone happy....they're kids and are just trying to manipulate the parents...etc. I hate the waiting, drives me crazy and the closer the date the less I can focus on anything else. I'm still working on it. At least when you're standing up for yourself you can feel good, even when doing it is frightening. If you just gave in you'd be in a bad spot and be mad at your self on top of it. You're doing the right thing for yourself and your son. Good luck on Thursday and let us know how it turns out.

#13 May 25 - 12PM (Reply to #5)

justwantpeace

thanks

i will. oh ive been told that to. son is just trying to make everyone happy. Well if he is trying to make everyone happy then why does he say im pushing him to see his dad or he could recite my speech that its ok to see dad. I have to be tough thursday because son will be with me at attorneys office. He is going to state what he wants for himself. My lawyers assistant said it was ok for him to come because of his age.

#14 May 25 - 9AM

sanctuary

Sadly you're right all the N

Sadly you're right all the N wants to think about is himself and now.... My ExN did the same thing remarried for money and appearances. from what you described I think both our N's will eventually blow up the new supply and be left with nothing...at least one can hope. :) I love the idea of a code word!! That's an excellent idea, wish I thought of that. My daughter was always get caught in the middle of what he was trying to make her do ,what she wanted to do. Tons of guilt and pressure from her dad. She said the exact same thing, she "gave in and agreed to stay so his(her) dad would shut up." Don't worry too much, kids are smart and at some point he may just not want to go any more. You being there and supporting him will makes all the difference in the world. If the therapist really gets the situation all the better!! I used to say the same thing; I got out, but she can't divorce her father. The fact that you have gotten out will show your son more positive actions than anything you can say to him.

#15 May 25 - 8AM

quietude (not verified)

justwant...

I have a lot of respect for you...this must be so heart-wretching. When you said 'code word', not silly at all..but wow, that reminds me of the whole 'stranger-danger' thing! Which really isn't that far off from the truth... I hate that your son has to be exposed to all this BS drama, etc..but it sounds like he really has a good head on his shoulders, and has a great Mom. Being an ACON..and I've said this before, makes an enormous difference when you have one really good parent. Maybe that will give you a little peace of mind?? Hugs

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