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Before everyone thinks Im not making any progress....

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#1 Oct 15 - 6PM
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Before everyone thinks Im not making any progress....

I did learn something today. Somehow I have felt by cutting him out of my life that it means I have no more love for him that I cant love him but I am starting to realize that I dont need him to love him. I can love him all by myself until I dont anymore. Its ok for me to love him all by myself.

I know there are alot of "him's" in there but there are also alot of I's

Oct 16 - 2PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

I think you are making huge

I think you are making huge progress. Admitting to the group you continued contact with the Narc is a big deal . . . as long as you didn't admit it to us, you weren't "admitting" it (as an unhealthy thing to do) to yourself. It all boils down to our honest relationship to ourselves. Honesty with others is somehow . . . easier. There's a saying in 12 Step programs. "You are as sick as your secrets". Mainly because you are keeping "secrets" with yourself. You've probably noticed that you are going deeper into yourself, now that you've gotten honest with yourself. That is huge progress. This whole Narc relationship thing is ABOUT dishonesty and lies we tell ourselves, and they are almost always unconscious, beneath our awareness.
Oct 16 - 6AM
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Sick of it

This is a process, don't feel bad for feeling bad. This all takes time. Now, how much time is the ?. there comes a time where your unhealthy and making excuses like me, then worry. XOXO
Oct 16 - 6AM (Reply to #9)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Oops..

Did you get my email?
Oct 16 - 2PM (Reply to #10)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

got it chica. I creeps me

got it chica. I creeps me out how they look alike. Been looking at your pics some of them look similiar to mine especially the beach ones. too funny! I look at your pics and noone would know what you are enduring. You look like a happy family. No one would have clue what lurks inside of that handsome man. No One.... Now really how vain is the one of him (meaning my narc) on his motorcycle. I ask you what guy takes professional pics? He was never like that before. Never! thats why I know he is deep into his Narcness now.
Oct 16 - 3PM (Reply to #12)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

Well I must say I can be

Well I must say I can be vain at times BUT in a healthy way. Do I want my pics to look good YES do they always look good NO! but I can make fun of myself and I do all of the time. If you look on my fb page there are quite a few unflattering ones but they are funny. I am quite the poser for my fb pics and my friends and I ALL laugh about it! but Im real people know that I care for others. I dont feel superior to anyone I think thats why I have enjoyed long term friendships. We all laugh at eachother.
Oct 16 - 3PM (Reply to #11)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

sick of it..

Isn't that the truth? I was embarrassed giving out my grad pics, felt kinda vain! Yes, ur Narcs pics are vain! I know we look like the all american happy family. I hate my FB page anymore looking like that. It's my FAKEBOOK page. There was a time when it seemed real, now ew!
Oct 15 - 7PM
cluelessuntilnow
cluelessuntilnow's picture

sick of it

I know that you are making progress because you are more focused, working, laughing, making jokes, crying less, taking back your power little bit by little bit, and you are in a much better space than you were 3 weeks ago. Progress indeed... big hugs!
Oct 16 - 2PM (Reply to #6)
gettinbetter
gettinbetter's picture

clueless I miss you. I am

clueless I miss you. I am used to talking to you everyday. Now Im having withdrawls from you. I cant take anymore withdrawl symptoms!
Oct 16 - 9PM (Reply to #7)
cluelessuntilnow
cluelessuntilnow's picture

sick of it

Clueless will be back in Narcville soon. Clueless has not left the building. Promise!
Oct 15 - 7PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Only one question???? Why do

Only one question???? Why do you want to love him? He has not given you the same in return. He has given you pain and grief. That is his contribution to the union between you. Lies, manipulation, mind F*&cking and flat out grief. Is that what you love? Or is it the pretend "mr wonderful"? The illusionist, the masked man that gave you a false hope of nothingness. Think about what you really love here. Be very careful not to let your heart love the fantasy. only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Oct 16 - 6AM (Reply to #2)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Betty

I think what she's saying is that she sees the forest for the trees; however, also realizes that her love is still there whether it's based on reality or not - it's there and it will take time for that "lingering" feeling to go. It's the concept of loving from a distance. We can't make people love us, but sometimes we also have a hard time just cutting off abruptly. If I understand correctly, she's saying she accepts that and will not torture herself banging into her head she has to stop loving him immediately - because we all know dysfunctional or not - it ain't gonna happen overnight. Thin line between Love and Hate and when angry...we're hating so we're still loving....Grrrrrr So, in essence, she's just gonna hang loose until it dissipates into that much sought after indifference. I don't think it's that she wants to love him, but knows she still does despite how irrational it may be.
Oct 16 - 2PM (Reply to #4)
desprathousewife
desprathousewife's picture

wow Michele, you put things into perspective so well

yes, we have such a hard time cutting off love abrubtly. We do need to accept, not torture ourselves for our feelings and yesiree there Is such a thin line between love and hate. Who the hell still wants to love someone so hateful...NONE OF US, yet we all do in some small way. No, it won't happen overnight unfortunately. No matter what attrocities they have committed against us, it is still so damned hard to forget the person we thought we fell in love with and believed in. I'm gonna hang loose too. Thankyou for your wise words.
Oct 16 - 6AM (Reply to #3)
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

We all felt love at some point

until we realized we were not truely loved back the way we deserve.