Enough for me's story

18 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Nov 3 - 11PM
enough for me
enough for me's picture

Enough for me's story

Hello, well its been about two months since he left me. I have spent the last 60 days crying. The last 60 days seeing him in every spot in our house and now I am looking to heal. I am 42 and I just finished battling breast cancer. I went through two surgeries, chemo and radiation and before I was done treatment he left me. Said cancer changed me and that I would never forgive his betrayals and walked out on me and my kids. He didnt even say good bye to the kids who have loved him for the last 7 years. He refused to talk to me for 3 weeks. Left me to finish treatment alone. Left me to figure out what to do next. He took our new trailor,not paid for btw, and moved on. I spent the next few weeks begging him to come home. That I didnt care where he was but to just come home, how could he leave us, our life???. NOTHING. No empathy , no questions on how I was doing or the kids. He robbed me of my final day of treatment,instead of celebrating that I made it through I was tormented and crying every day. HE stole my celebration without one concern,without one regret.I have been so confused but over the past two months I have been learning and I stumbled across this website, I had been reading about narcs and now I know I was in a relationship with one. Every one of your stories could be my story, the confusion, the sadness, the eleation when he was happy, the whole house revolved around his moods. I spent all my time on how could I make him happy and I never ever could recover the man I met, the man I fell completly in love with, my prince. After a couple of years he was gone and I have forgiven so much and accpeted such bad behaviour in hopes of getting him back. There is so much more to share but I am sure I have posted enough to start. I am desperate to heal, I just want the pain and the longing to go away. Please help

Dec 27 - 3AM
Im_always_fine
Im_always_fine's picture

I just have no words. Your

I just have no words. Your story was so painful to read (and I know that's not even a little of it) NARCS are so inhumane. I pray use your life to fall in love with YOURSELF. I have to go blow my nose (crying)
Nov 29 - 8PM
Lim
Lim's picture

Your story is mine

I, too, am currently going thru chemo for breast cancer. Radiation will follow. I was diagnosed in June and rather than spend the past 5 months focusing on me, my N has made it all about him. Even worse (or better), I'm married to a man that has stood by my side, been my chemo buddy, held and hugged me thru every cry session, and the N is just an extramarital mistake that waltzed his way into my life 4 1/2 yrs ago. I was vulnerable and at a low point in my marriage. He knew it, swooped in, and won't let go. Prince Charming in the beginning...knight in shining armour...knew all the right things to say. He is verbatim the identical person everybody else is dealing with on this forum. It's like they are reproduced in some factory...one by one...same freaks of nature. I have tried over and over again to let go, but he comes back...says all the right things...or just enough to keep me hanging. Then he heads off on all of his private email accounts going after other women....meeting them. He, too, is married and his wife knows about his infidelities, but doesn't know the half of them (at least 8 since he's been with me). She is brainwashed as well. I know deep down there is no way I would ever be happy with this man...EVVVVVER. He is a loser...takes advantage of women financially, emotionally, physically. And yet, I long for the person I fell in love with the first three months of our relationship. Unfortunately, he doesn't exist. He never did. He is a major fraud and has a guaranteed place burning in hell. I am a strong woman in a very professional position...great personality...have worked extremely hard for everything that I have...and yet I let this loser walk in my life, control it and turn me into someone I am not. What you and I need to do is focus on our health. Celebrate life. We survived cancer for God sakes...we sure as hell can survive a narcissist. Somehow though, the pain is far worse. There just is no describing it. Hang tough girl. I am with you and praying every step of the way that I can move on.
Nov 6 - 8PM
DLP75
DLP75's picture

Awesome lady!

I just read your story and I think you are an awesome lady. I went through all the chemo stuff with my mom who had ovarian cancer and what a tough road. I am so happy for you that you were able to go through that rough time in your life, but having been with a narc woman for ten years, I know how they are so I'm sorry you had to go through all of that alone. My narc called and dumped me over the phone one Friday evening after being together for ten years, and I had no clue whatsoever anything was even remotely wrong with our so-called relationship. It's gotten better and better with the help of Lisa's book and this sight, so please hang in there, and I'll keep you in my prayers. DLP75
Nov 6 - 11PM (Reply to #15)
enough for me
enough for me's picture

thanks DLP, it did feel like

thanks DLP, it did feel like I was alone, you realy dont understand their lack of empathy until something like this happens, I guess this is the universes way of getting rid of all the cancer in my life at once :)
Nov 4 - 3PM
Gaia
Gaia's picture

your story

Your story made me cry, I cry for us all. Its so painful to see how horrible these people were to us. It literally breaks my heart. Stay strong, you deserve love and your kids too. Mine walked away with no goodbye to me nor, the child that loved him for 8 years. I know that pain. May you heal from your internal pain and to survive cancer is amazing. ' Women are like teabags, we dont know our true strength until we are in hot water" - Eleanor Roosevelt with REAL love and BIG HUGS, SG
Nov 4 - 1PM
Pride and Shame
Pride and Shame's picture

You are SOOOOOO Strong

You are unbelievable! What you achieved while battling cancer is phenomenal. You worked, you kept the family going, you made sure everyone was fed and the routine moved along. And, from the "partner" in your life who should be counted on to be there when the chips are down, you got NOTHING, NOTHING. And you triumphed IN SPITE OF IT! You have come to the right place. Stick with us and you will read our stories, and share yours and our recoveries and understand how BAD he is and how amazing you are and can be WITHOUT him. Welcome. Big Hugs!!
Nov 4 - 9AM
enough for me
enough for me's picture

Good Morning all, Thank you

Good Morning all, Thank you for your warm welcome, I realize that he is no good for me or my children it just hurts so bad. During treatment he never comforted me, never just held me and told me it was all going to be ok. If I ever brought it up or talked about it he would just say I was whining. I worked full time all through treatment...well a couple of days off after each round of chemo cause I was just too sick. But after that right back at it plus I still came home did laundry and cooked. Still performed in the bedroom. Still entertained his friends when he had them over. He used to go out the night before I was scheduled for chemo to band practice and stay out drinking. Then the night of the day I had chemo he would have a friend over to sit on the deck and drink all night. He would never listen to me that I didnt want people over then I was bald I was tired I was sick the last thing I needed was to have someone else in my space. It just made him mad that I was asking this of him. One time he got so mad at me bringing this up he told me to go F myself while I was hooked up to the IV machine receiving chemo and walked out of the hospital on me!!!!! he came back about 1/2 hour later cause I guess it would look bad if I had to call for a cab to get a ride home. Then he dropped me off at the house and took off on me for 2 days refusing to answer his phone or reply to text to let me know what was going on....all this right after a round of chemo. I told him it was over then and he begged me to work on it....said he was scared as hell to live without me wasnt I scared too? Said he would change that I needed to trust him and if it didnt work that we would go see a councellor....I always begged him to seek help with me but he never would , so I thought OK good we will get to see a shrink and fix all this and then I can get the man back that I met and fell in love with....yeah he left about 6 weeks after that,of course that was after I spent part of my grandmothers inheritence so we could go on a trip to see his family so he could party with them. I had to miss 3 rounds of radiation to do that....I cant even beleive I did that What on earth is wrong with me???? I am so glad to find this group and be able to vent to people who get it....my friends are great but they just tell me to be glad he left and basically get over it , its just not that easy, In the beginning he was my everything I soooo adored him, he was the one I had been dreaming of my whole life, everything was brighter...you all know . Thanks for letting me ramble on.
Dec 26 - 10PM (Reply to #11)
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

No longer useful

You were no longer useful. These men are motivated by "what's in it for me?" And you hit it when you wrote he picked you up from the hospital because HE would look bad if he didn't. It's all about him. When I was sick -- my N once said to me: "All YOU put me through when you were sick!" When I was sick, I went on one of those yahoo support groups. People from all over the world write about the experience, treatments, etc. Well, what struck me were the "husbands" who were writing in saying: "My wife suffers x. I hold her hand. But, what can I do to make it better?" It hit me. My N never thought about what he could do for me. Only, what I was NOT doing for him. I am sorry you have cancer. I bet you got it because of all the stress he put you through. Please forget this man. You have to think only of YOU & good things. This is a positive thing that he's gone. And he may come back if all does not work out for him wherever he is now. Missing chemo to spend YOUR money on him to save the relationship. He should have been spending money on you to make you happy. Terrified as to what might happen if he lost you. On his best behavior & bargaining with God to save you. This man is not worth it. Totally not worth another tear. You have a second chance now. Cancer free & Narcissist free. Nothing could be worse than battling cancer & juggling a narcissist.
Nov 4 - 10PM (Reply to #10)
Journey
Journey's picture

Oh he sounds WAY too

Oh he sounds WAY too familiar! It is true that our friends mean well, but no one knows like another survivor of their abuse how the asshole narcs get to us. We ALL just wanted them to be the man we fell in love with and I don't think that means we were all blind. No, they played the game to win our hearts then casually stomped on our very souls as their true selves were revealed gradually enough that we thought THAT was the false self, the one who would go away so the nice guy we once knew would return. But we wait forever cause he never shows up again to stay, just mini glimpses that are intermittent enough to keep us believing. You are so in the right place with us all here on the forum. Don't worry about rambling on... we all do it sometimes - lol!

Journey on...

Nov 4 - 9AM
Marlinmom
Marlinmom's picture

Aliens attack

Here's my new theory: an alien super-race is trying to take over our planet and they have sent legions of non-empathizer men to target and try to disable our strongest women. But as your post shows, IT'S NOT WORKING...the female bucket brigade has kicked in and we are not going to let these aliens drain our energy and goodness. Look at what you've just overcome and outlasted, and you're poised to outwit this creep. Good work, Survivor!!!
Nov 4 - 1PM (Reply to #8)
Pride and Shame
Pride and Shame's picture

MarlinMom

Sometimes I really wonder this, I really do.... Women drop like flies into this Forum and slowly bring themselves back to life again. We truly ARE the strongest and that is why we are the most STUNNED by this experience.
Nov 4 - 7AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Oh my, you poor thing.. Let

Oh my, you poor thing.. Let this man go.. The damage they cause is unbelievable ... Be strong.. You fought cancer and won you can beat this too... Hunter
Nov 4 - 1AM
Journey
Journey's picture

Enough for me

Welcome to the forum. Glad you found us, yet so sorry for the pain you are experiencing which brought you here. Keep reading and learning, it is true our stories are all very similar. You've been through such an ordeal and your narc sounds very typical, they always run when called upon to care. It is hard to see now, but your future will get so much brighter moving forward without the narc. You have much to celebrate! I like your avatar btw - GCG! ;) (hugs)

Journey on...

Nov 4 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
enough for me
enough for me's picture

another canuckle head fan

another canuckle head fan yeah :)
Nov 3 - 11PM
rosedewittbukater
rosedewittbukater's picture

Welcome Enough For Me

I am sorry for what lead you here but you are now in a place of light and love. The way the disordered react to your illness and their total lack of empathy during your most difficult times is a true hallmark of NPD. I congratulate you on strength and courage in battling your illness! Don't let him steal your celebration! Make every day from now on a celebration! I know you cannot see this now, but his leaving may very well save your life! Life with these folks is no life. They destroy your mental, physical and emotional health. Be kind to yourself and stay close to this forum. You will find strength and support here, and if you can work the steps they DO WORK! Sending you a giant hug!! Rose
Nov 3 - 11PM
lillymarch
lillymarch's picture

I feel so bad that a Narc

I feel so bad that a Narc found you. You have jumped great hurdles and needed the most love and support you could get! That stupid idiot. He's a selfish sh**head! Sorry about that but I get so mad! I did the same thing you did, spend years trying to make a man happy. The Narc in my life left me while I was pregnant and had a new little baby (my fifth daughter). Of course he came back, trying all of his mind manipulation on me, trying to get me to forget and forgive his horrid behavior. Don't be so sure he wont be back, but know...he can never change. I've spent years in denial (18), and they do not change. I'm so sorry you are going through this but so happy that you finished treatment!! Yay!! Maybe life wanted you to have a clean slate: Cancer gone..check, stupid man gone...check! You don't want him by the way. He's terrible. Love and hugs to you.
Nov 4 - 5PM (Reply to #2)
sunshine11
sunshine11's picture

I hurt for you

I truely hurt for you and for all of us on here. I hurt for the pain that you have been through with your illness and you N. I have spent 7 years trying to make it work with my N. We just have to realize and know with everything in us that they are never going to change. Just remember that its not your fault. You are a strong woman. Head up girl. Hugs...