Emotions & Feelings of Victims

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#1 Dec 30 - 2AM
Anonymous (not verified)
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Emotions & Feelings of Victims

The way a person handles a stressful situation, such as a domestic violence or rape, can vary from person to person.

However, the emotions expressed tend to be similar in nature. (And are NORMAL)

The following is a list of emotions and feelings that tend to be present after abuse has taken place.

The emotions of the abuse survivor:

Guilt:
Very often, survivors will recall particular situations and make statements like "I should have known…." Or "If only I hadn't…." Sometimes, it is easier to blame their own behavior, then to admit that their abuser was truly to blame.

Shock and Disbelief:
Sometimes, the survivor will have an incredibly hard time facing the fact that the abuse has taken place. Often, the survivor will make excuses for their abuser's behavior.

Lack of Control:
During, the victim was entirely without control. This fear of helplessness may extend into other aspects of their lives, for varying amounts of time.

Fear:
Fear is the biggest tool used by an abuser to receive and maintain control. This fear is not only of injury but of death as well. Many survivors say that the reason they didn't fight back, or did not receive help right away because they were fearful that their abuser would injure, smear, or even kill them (or their children or pets)

Humiliation:
The survivor may feel dirty and ashamed, especially in cases where forms of sexual abuse has taken place. Many things that took place during the abuse can be hard, or embarrassing to talk about.

Branded Syndrome:
The victim may feel that everyone around him/her can tell that they have been abused. In cases of male victims, the abuse itself is not nearly as bad as the fear of other people finding out about the abuse.

Anger:
Anger is a common feeling that develops after an attack. Anger is a healthy and common reaction for a survivor, as long as the anger is not aimed at themselves. Anger can be a helpful tool for regaining the strength and the courage needed to get back control of their life.

Physical symptoms:
Aside from the symptoms associated with the abuse itself, some other physical symptoms will develop that are directly caused by the emotional stress. Some common physical symptoms are:
muscle tension,
headaches,
overall pain,
stomach pains,
nausea,
appetite loss or overeating,
sleep disturbances,
fatigue,
nervousness,
anxiety,
jumpiness,
exhaustion,
confusion

Feelings most frequently experienced following a sexual assault

Fear:
Of being alone
Of the rapist/ abuser returning
Of places and people that remind of the assault/ abuser
Of others finding out
Of men, or women, in general
Of having to report the crime,
Of of going to court
Of their own anger
Of going to sleep

Guilt
For having "caused the rape" or "caused the abuse"
For not fighting more
For being "stupid" enough to get into that situation
For all the feelings they feel

Anger
At society and the legal system
At significant others for not understanding
At the abuser
At the disruption in their life

Shame, embarrassment
The feeling that everyone can tell, just by looking at them, that they were the victim of an assault/ abuser

Betrayal
By abuser
By significant others

Lack of trust
In their own ability to make judgments

Powerlessness and depression
Feeling as if things will not get better
Feeling totally victimized
Feeling helpless

http://www.brokenspirits.com/

Dec 31 - 1AM
tasha
tasha's picture

sooo very very true

I read throught his list, I see so many of my reactions at that time there. I still have issues with the guilt and fear. I can only see this in hindsight. Never saw it at the time.
Dec 30 - 5AM
Ellen
Ellen's picture

Well that explains it then

Hello, Thanks for this, i won't say the ones i suffer from cos i would just cut and paste the list. This is why i feel like i do. It's just horrid but i am so glad that i am about 4 1/2 months no contact now and 9 months out. It means i am nearer to feeling more normal again. I can never go backwards. It can only get clearer. Next year from January to March was the time that he was properly planning to go so it will be nice in those coming months to get my power back and say thank god i'm not going through that devaluing again now (i didn't know it at the time). The time is going by so quickly i would really have thought that i would be over this but sometimes it still feels as if it has just happened. I suppose it's the deceipt part and being duped that takes forever to get your head round.