EMDR - Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)

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#1 Apr 29 - 4PM
strongerthanever
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EMDR - Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR)

Hi everyone. I wanted to share my experienc by using this method to heal. First, it's been just 2 yrs since the last D&D and when I kicked my N out. He emotionally abused me so many times that after the final blow, I struggled so much to get over things. I was married 17 yrs ago to a closet crack addict and the abuse there started with words and then escalated to physical. The marriage lasted just 4 yrs. I walked away from that marriage and horror not in the same mess I was in from this relationship. I can handle being hit, being told I was stupid, not a good wife, a loser but when a guy is lying behind my back about other women, keeping ex's phone numbers, promising to marry me, proposing and yet being on eHarmony talking to others, THAT damaged me.

After the last D&D, I immediately went into counseling. That lasted a few months because the therapist thought I had a grip on things. Yes, I saw he was a loser. But, months later, anxiety, fear kicked in. I was losing it. So, I contacted a counselor I saw during the relationship and who saw me and the N during our pre-marriage counseling. I saw him for almost 8 months. I could not connect what I knew to my heart. That wiring could not be done regardless of how many times I sat there and went over and over and over the trauma. The therapist told me, as a guy, that he was a shit. Still was not sinking in.

I noticed that I was stuck! Thoughts of him and now his new wife, the one he started a relationship with while still with me (securing supply before leaving the easy supply), was the first thing I thought of when I woke up, crying in the shower when I prayed, just not healthy. Then in July I met a woman who married my best friend. She is a massage therapist, energy healer, and clairvoyant. So, I called her. That brought me down that road to learn spiritually about energy, thoughts, and more insight into who I am. But, still stuck! Fuck!

One night I was reading all I could on trauma and stuck thoughts and learned about PTSD. I was having all of the symptoms! I found that the therapy for that was EMDR. That is the path that took me to a wonderful lady, who believes in psychics and energy healing as well (she has one in Hawaii), and after a few gathering sessions, we logged the traumas in my life. The usual way is to start with childhood. I chose to start with the N. My childhood has been resolved. My father who left us, lied, cheated, emotional abandoned the family passed away 10 yrs ago and he has already apologized from the other side. So, I was good. I knew he did what he learned from his father and my dad was a Nar too.

EMDR is done with eyes but, the other method is tapping or holding these small pods in your hand and they vibrate. It is a quick left-to-right tapping as you close your eyes and focus on the "target". My target is "how fast N moved on and married someone else. that i was not good enough to marry and for him to make the changes. I did not make him happy." Events will pop in your mind. Yes, you will cry, get angry too. During my session yesterday, when I focused, i had a headache. Usually the pain was in the gut, now it is in the head. The energy moves out in different areas.

After the first session, i was exhausted! Not so much now but it is draining but I am finding that my thoughts are not extreme, and I am just not caring anymore about him. He is not important anymore. I go through all of the crappy events and as I release it, it seems to heal itself. Now, you give your traumas a number, 1-10, 10 being the extreme. After a few session, mine are going down. Then the next step is to replace these negatives with positives.

My energy healer suggested the movie, http://www.whatthebleep.com/, What the Bleep do you know. It talks about how while thinking a certain way, you train the neurons to be wired that way. It's an interesting movie, different, but certain things were said that made sense to me.

For those that feel you are still stuck, I recommend this type of therapy for any trauma really. I've only done this 5 times now and maybe need a few more before the positive wiring happens. This therapist said from what I've told her, she does believe the N is an N and sociopath tendencies for sure. She can't diagnose without meeting him but based up what she knows...well, you know.

The only scary part is facing those traumas and working through them. But, it is better than being stuck and living in the past and giving this horrible person this much power. They are not worth it. He made me doubt my worth by projecting his insecurities and fears upon me. Why this relationship affected me this way and not the crack addict? I guess my exH was more abusive than the covert emotional abuse. I was already married when the abuse started, and this relationship was based upon false hope and promises. Being lied and cheated on resonates more with me than the verbal attacks. Go figure.

May 26 - 12PM
daisyme
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strongerthanever...

thanks for sharing your experiences about emdr. i'm stuck too. my exN, was verbally, emotionally, physically, and financially abusive. i'm having a hard time pushing the thoughts of him and all the sh*t that happened out of my mind. my therapist suggested EMDR to me yesterday as a way to get unstuck. i've never heard of it before. Great to hear that its been helpful for you in your healing journey. do you know if there a recommended number of sessions to go through? /d
May 26 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
strongerthanever
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It depends...i know that

It depends...i know that isn't a great answer. However, it has taken me about 6 sessions to get my numbers down to a 0 and now we are working on the positive rewiring. I do feel a shift in me after the sessions. And I found a EFT meetup group in my area. I also found a class at a local community college that offers this technique. So, I am looking into that too to teach myself how to continue long after seeing my therapist. There are connections to my childhood from my father and his emotional abandonment, lying right to our face the cheating, and narcissim but have not felt the desire to bring them into the sessions. I've been focusing on this exN (ahole) and the damage he did since it's been really hard getting over the fact that he became smitten with his now wife while living with me and married her 11 months later after meeting her (seriously dating only for 6-8 months). Since he proposed twice to me but, I kept catching him lying and cheating in some form. I know he will cheat on her. He can't help but not cheat. He's insecure and screwed up...and I'm learning I'm not. that is why it was so hard for me to be happy, myself, and feel safe with him.
May 30 - 12PM (Reply to #4)
daisyme
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hey strongerthanever

thanks again for the info. its great that you're open to exploring different kinds of therapy techniques to help you in your healing. i am definitely intrigued by emdr and how its helped you so far. i totally get your pain. my exN moved someone else into the house that we were living in (and that i paid off) while i was out of town (he only knew her for a few months), denied it, and then completely erased me. It's a sticking point and its gut-wrenching. They cheat, lie, steal, abuse, denigrate, and demean. That's who they are so - disordered f*cks. So be it. But they will never take away who you are - generous, loving, giving. stay strong. you (we) will work through it! hugs
Apr 29 - 4PM
gettinbetter
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I havent asked mine about

I havent asked mine about emdr yet but I have read about it. This kind of correlates to what she said about me having ocd, truma bond and codependence issues. She said gettin better no matter how hard you try you can stop thinking about this. I also told her I have racing thoughts and she said I noticed I can tell when Im talking to you you are already thinking about something else. She seems to feel once these racing thoughts stops and the ocd gets under control that I will feel a hell of alot better. She said gettin better I think there is alot of stuff going on here but once we get the ocd and the depression under control everything else is gonna follow. I think Im gonna ask her about EMDR. I ask her about hypnosis and I cant exactly remember what she said but it was like nope wont work if you have a chemical imbalance