Email from me , Email from him

My first thought is on this bit: "You know deep down i am not abusive , so this is the thing that has manifested it ." My thought being: "Look into his eyes, not around the eyes, look into his eyes..." What a load of bullshit. Quick translation: It not me, it's you. Let me treat you however I want, no matter how bad. If you don't it's all your fault. Oh, this is a CLASSIC line: "These are the signs of an unhealthy relationship and will only lead to a false viewpoint of future relationships if we decide we are not right for each other." Translation: If you ditch me, it'll screw all your future relationships too, so you'll never ever be happy without ME, ME ME!

I think my guy is here

His reply has that sort of disconnection from reality that my ex's justifications always had. That was the big shock for me - that some people will resort to pretty transparent fantasy rather Than even once accepting reality/facing the truth. Good for you for getting away.

I am impressed! Not. Ladies let this be a lesson for us. If you ever have the need to have such a conversation with anyone. Run. You dont have to talk about these things with normal people, who care for you and love you. Such conversations you only have with these frauds.

It sounds like something xnh would write. We also had thousand of arguments that I have no clue how they started, and in some cases, even what they were really about. We'd even fought about whether or not we were having a fight. lol. Xnh wrote me similar emails. He told me in one message, "You KNOW that I'm a good husband." Right, if you call cheating, lying, and telling me you wished I just go ahead and die (along with years of emotional, spiritual, verbal, and physical abuse) being a "good husband". I'd really hate to see a "bad husband". No thanks! I'll stay single in the future. rofl. He, also, told me that I'm insecure. Well, I wasn't particularly insecure until I met him. After years of his telling me that I was insecure, yes admit, I started doubting myself and feeling that way. At the time of the divorce, xnh also sent me messages telling me that "life could have been SO good with me". In his dreams (only). He'd been with me for 16 years, and he certainly didn't think it was "SO good" when he truly had me. He was busily devaluing me, and telling me what a horrible person I am multiple times a day. Of course, xnh's final masterpiece was his message to me telling me that I "had served him divorce papers out of the blue for NO reason, and I'd never even talked to him about 'solutions'." In this case, I'd served him divorce papers when he'd came home from cheating on me, and he told me he "didn't love me, and didn't want to be with me". This was neither "out of the blue" or "for no reason". As for talking about "solutions", the only solutions were for me to either let him continue cheating on me and abusing me daily without any complaints, or to divorce and get him out of my life. There was nothing to "talk" about. I opted for the divorce and get him out of my life route. These narcs are such clones, aren't they? They're pure evil, and the Devil must only own one cookie cutter. They all come out the same. The only thing different is the frosting (and it's just superficial). lol.

Sounds like that old skit on Saturday Night live.. My Fave part (dripping with sarcasm) "You know deep down i am not abusive " Um ok..Mine used to do this too.. You know deep down I'm straight edged.. Please do not contact him anymore.. Your head will spin.. The feelings and emotions you showed in your email to him are important.. AND valid.. So share them with someone that is important and valid in your life.. You now know he is not.. AS hard as it is to grasp at times.. He is not.. They are actors...AND quite frankly that suck at it...

His email sounds just like my ex "Evil Genious". He used to email me and talk about how worn down I am from my "hard life" and all the "past relationships". He would tell me how wonderful and beautiful I am and how he has the power to give me stability. Then in the next paragraph tell me how I expected him to "fix my life". What a crock!!!!

And I have to comment. Thank You!!! I received emails as confusing as this one also. And until today with everything I have been learning, those are the ones hardest for me to "get past". Your post made me go back to one that I received during the Discard and Destroy faze from him. Although at the time I didn't know what it was :( When the quality of our life dropped to where most of the furniture we owned (which I brought to the relationship, he had nothing) and we lived in a studio because "I" wasn't making the kind of money I used to in order to keep us afloat (god forbid he should get and hold a full time job!) he started his Discard of me. I was no longer of value to him. I realize that now, but didn't at the time. After seperating, he started the destroy part.....and boy did he!! I packed what I could considering I was an emotional wreck and couldnt think clearly. Thinking just once he would keep his word I ignored my gut telling me to get the furniture outta storage as soon as possible....I didn't (stupid, oh well..I get to buy all new now). While at one of my therepy sessions, I spoke to her about it and she asked, "do you know the status?" I said no, so she told me to call, right then and there, where I was in a safe environment. I found out then that it had gone to auction.....I'm sure you can all understand what I went thru emotionally that day. So I sent him an email about it....I'm posting it here to show another perfect example of just how twisted there thinking is.... Here is my email to him: This does not come easy for me....I have been in tears for a week when I learned that storage went to auction. Why didn't you tell me when the notices came? I would have scraped the money together somehow? I know it's just "stuff" and can be replaced, but really? Couldn't you at least have sent me an email or a text or something? Here was his reply: I probly should have .I fell pretty bad about the situation I took a few days longer the I should have..to give them money jackson came first and the roof over my head always will... I have been however trying to figure out how much it owas worth not to you but in genreral and planed to just by you out....all the stuff that was important to you I imagine you took and what evers left here I'm sure you'll get eventualy or ill bring it to you... am sorry..but it never meant any thong to you before I'm sure i won't now....I also figured you could use use the money more...of course after I realized I had fucked up and waited to long to pay them...I panicked but your used to that...as for telling you I needed help were screaming poverty a few weeks before so why would I have even thought you would have helped..or could have....one last fuck up I guess...I'm sure you expected something....you always did. ill give you 500 this payday or next ansd that's all I can for a few weeks... BTW....rent was NEVER important to him. Because of his "stealing" the family finances we were evicted out of two apts and most of landlords where we rented rooms at learned quickly that if I didn't take care of the finances, they didn't bet paid or it was paid late.... Anyway...just wanted to show another example of how they twist and manipulate things.

He's quite the "Knight in shining armor"... no??? NOT If he's anything like my exN he's touched a few valid points. Some things you've shared with him in the 'heat of a moment' connection time. ~ (I swear that reply of his could have been written by my x)~ He's swinging it all back on you to keep you stuck in something you're already aware is there and learning and taking steps to heal from. And if he can get your mind stuck in the muck for even a little bit he can ride in on his White horse and save you and your day. If it were me?... I'd let him and the crap he's slinging at me ride right on by without so much as a wave... lol ~~~ Keep Learning & Keep Healing ~~~ ~~~~~ The best revenge is to survive and be victorious over it. Nobody can take from you what you don't give them, --she said, (taken from my final remarks in a Sync Weekly Magazine article about my art and mySelf

How they always use word "unhealthy"

So he's not responsible for anything then.........its all your insecurities. say no more!

Some women would poison a guy like that. His e-mail is so crazy-they always are there to help you and if you continue to get that type of 'help' you will end up in therapy, talking to yourself, and totally confused. Get out and do Lisa's NO CONTACT. this guy is too goofy. He is a mix of narcissist and chauvinist. that means you are being emotionally and psychologically abused for his amusement.

Typical... just typical. They love to 'pathologise' you. And leave you in doubts as to where you stand; "if we decide we are not right for eachother (which is where I think we both are at the moment)". Speak for yourself asshole, who is deciding what? Do not use "we" when there is no "we". MF!! :-)

They can never accept responsibility for anything, can they? It's always about YOU - there is a problem with YOU... It's such BS! And they are always whining that you need to let them be themselves - but "themselves" SUCK! Themselves are ABUSERS! He is an a**!

What is it that Barbara calls it, word salad? This is what this email reminds me of, pardon me if I'm not using the term correctly. This email is nonsensicle & condescending. Where is his compassion? His understanding? His acknowledgement that he said something awful? His willingness to do whatever it takes to make it up to you? His offer to give you time to think about what YOU want to do, and he will be there IF you need him? His trying to understand how he could say such things, and working on figuring out what defect he may have because this relationship and your feelings are much to precious to allow himself to ever act like that again? His recognizing he should never make excuses for such poor behavior, and accept that he has an issue that needs dealing with. Where is all this? (this is not a trick question....!) NOWHERE, don't even look for it. Narcs don't feel any of those things! I have several 'after fight' emails from my ex that are just a compliation of back-asswards talk, non-apologies, subtle put-downs, blame shifting, and that DAMN holier-than-thou attitude which makes me want to smack him upside the head (sorry).

Here's my first comment - AHHHHHHHHH! I should copy in some of my emails between him and I. This e-mail is RIDICULOUS! No apology for what he said to you - which was horrible!!!! And sounds like a quote from my own on many many occasions. Your email sounds exactly like mine always did - trying not to be too angry, but stating what hurt you and If you're anything like me... you probaby tried very hard to word it in such a way that he might actually understand and not get totally pissed. And his response is all about pointing a finger at YOU! You have issues, it's your family, you're insecure. You should let him be who he is as he does you. OH YEAH RIGHT!!!! He is totally full of crap! You are not crazy.... his response is ridiculous!!!