eleanorjean1990's Story

Hi there, i'm new to here,findng it very very hard to cope without my ex narc.we have been off and on a year and a half and i was the one who initiated the break up because i didn't feel valued anymore.since then ex narc has been in contact,one minute saying for me to leave him alone only withhin a day or two to contact me.mostly with hurtful abusive texts or someting like "dont you realise how much you have hurt me?" or "i think i do want you its just the people around you disliking me thats keeping us apart."
him and i met through a mutual friend.he goes to university with her in xxxxxx, i live in xxxxxxx (they both come from xxxxxx too) so it was a long distance relationship.
none of my friends and family like him for the emotional verbal and physical abuse he did to me and he still somehow sees hiself as the victim.
In the past he has cheated,lied,bit me,hit me in sexual acts,spit in my face,put me down,left me in cities alone the list is continuous.
when i first ended "us" he was upset and begging me buti felt in control and felt ok. now i am the one begging him back and he wont have it.
He sent me flowers the day before my birthday (the weekend just gone) and because i was at work i didnt recieve them at first.i got a text after ignoring him for two days "did you get my flowers?you deserve them, you;re so beautiful,i love you,im sorry i treat you the way i did"when i got home i sent a message back to say thank you they are beautiful.he then called me.i didnt answer as my friend had come over with presents and i felt rude answering him (plus she doesnt like him obviously) he repeaedly called so i answered and he was basically screaming and crying and swearing down the phone "put me first im all alone im so down, everyone is out ive lost my wallet so im all alone" i could hear him punching and kicking things like a year old.i explained calmly i was with my friend opening presents and to leave me alone.he just got worse and demanded attention because he was alone.i caved in and gave him it,we exchanged loving messages and the next morning it was my birthday he was being nice then all of a sudden turned on me resulting in me crying on my birthday. LEt me tell you he did the exact same last year.i front of all my and his friends and left me crying to go home alone whilst he carried on his night.low and behold the day after my birthday he said no more contact and he didnt want me even though just 24 hours ago he was saying he did. He sent me a closure text yesterday, "it kills me but you will find someone better than me,i let you dwn. i am sorry but there is no going back for you and me. Lets see if fate brings us back together in the future. im always here always have been." i just said back "thank you for that, i feel the same. take care" that was 24 hours ago and heard nothing. will he contact? i dont know why i am missing him so much. he knows i want him back but he's already slept with a girl and is kissing others. he says he loves me but how can he? any feed back would be so much appreciated. i admire all you ladies so much for being so strong. thank you. El x