On the edge and need help and advice!!

6 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Sep 25 - 5PM
mcv2130
mcv2130's picture

On the edge and need help and advice!!

I have been in a crazy relationship for over a year now. As crazy as it sounds I have been trying to break free for almost 6 months now. Even though half of my short relationship has been nothing but turmoil and heartbreak, I've had a hard time leaving. I need help and open to any advice and comments.

My name is Melissa and I started working a new job about a year ago. This is where I met him Chris and he was my boss. He was attractive, smart funny and above else undeniably charming. At first I would just catch him starring at me, making long eye contact that were so long it was on the verge of being uncomfortable. I immediately felt a spark with him and our chemistry was obvious. He began caressing my elbows or hands when he would talk to me or look over my shoulder and then coming knee to knee with me while he was giving me my weekly feedback. We soon made a bet over a football game and the loser owed the other a drink. When we met up he oddly seemed very nervous and admitted right away his feelings and his intent of wanting to be with me. That was it, he hooked me. I learned a few weeks later that he had three children. From two different women, one who use to work for the company at a different location. For the next six months it was rare for us to spend any time apart. We worked together which was a secret and no one had any idea, after work we had dinner and never spent a night apart. He always told me how beautiful he thought I was how much he adored me, he constantly bought me flowers and would go out of his way to shower me with gifts and such.

At this time I was head over heels, I was so happy and so in love. I felt like we had the perfect relationship; well balanced, affectionate and no drama. I felt like I had finally found someone who I could love and trust and be happy with. My first sign of his true self was when we were going to take a picture and I opened his phone and stumbled onto a conversation between him and another female it consisted of him asking for an inappropriate picture. I confronted him and he said that it was an old message that came from an old "secret inbox" app that he had on his phone and never deleted. He even showed me by selecting a different message in that app and moving it over showing that the time stamp would change as soon as it hit the inbox. I should have ran then.

My family hated him from the beginning. They saw the fact that he was my boss and that he had 3 children by 2 different women as character flaws. I dismissed it saying they didnt know him blah blah blah.

I moved in with him after only knowing him for about 4 months and him the children and me all became a happy family, at least for the time being. In January Chris had to travel to Atlanta for work (who still had no idea about our relationship). He would have to do that 3 more times in Feb, March and April.

He left and I had a knot in my stomach the minute he left. As weird as it sounds its as if I knew something was going to happen. Sunday he arrived there and called me and texted me the whole night and I thought ok, maybe I'll be wrong and nothing will happen. The next night I didnt hear from him whatsoever and because of the large storm all his meetings had been cancelled and was at the hotel for the entire week. I knew something happened. I could feel it, I was so angry and felt so crazy, I knew something happened, all I needed was the proof and I was gone. Ive never put up with bad behavior from a man and sure as hell was not going to start now. He came home that friday and was as affectionate as ever and so happy to be home. I was unpacking his suitcase when the proof that I thought I wanted hit me like a brick. I found a shirt, that wasn't his and wasn't mine. It was a black long sleeve button up, mens small. The sort of shirt that a server would wear. I at first didn't even realize what it was. It was dingy and dirty looking. So I asked him "Did you really wear this shirt in Atlanta" he replied that it wasn't his shirt. He tried to turn it on me as if there was a man in our house while he was away. He swore on his mother who is ill as well as his children that nothing happened. We had a superbowl party the night before so I thought maybe someone had left it but it was just a way to deny what I knew was the truth.

He was to leave for his second trip end of Atlanta and he wanted me to come with him. This made me so happy. I thought if there was someone he had relations with while in Atlanta he would not want me to come. I was so excited, the only thing is he was there from Sun-Fri and I would only be there from Mon-Thurs. While he worked I shopped and did all things girly, at night we had romantic dinners and talked about our bright future. My last night he took me to a very nice restaurant and told me "I cant wait to be married to you" I was so confident when I left thinking we were better than ever. I still obviously felt the paranoia from the month before because I paired his iphone to my ipad so I would receive all his imessages also. (which I know is completely crazy on every level)

Which my suspicions again rang true. He met a woman (married may I add) at a bar and made arrangements to meet up at one of their hotel rooms. I went nuts I called him and confronted him and really let him have it. He denied it until he realized there was no hope of me believing. I packed all my stuff that moment and left. When he returned I made the biggest mistake and wanted a confession and went back to the house. He denied saying he was so intoxicated but when I confronted him he cancelled the plans to meet up with her and nothing happened. I asked for his phone then and he willingly gave it to me. I posing as him texted his bestf friend pretending to be him saying "melissa found out about what really happened in Atlanta" he responded "OMG how?!?!? whatre you going to do". I finally had my answer. I confronted him with his friends text and he started calling me crazy and laughed in my face and finally admitted that he had gone to the married woman's hotel room and had sexual relations. I was crushed and full of anger. How could he violate our relationship by cheating and then stand here and laugh in my face about it???? I was terrified of disease from his cheating in the past that I had no clue about. I told him that I was going to get tested the very next day and he had one chance to warn me about any possible infections. He told me there was no chance. I threatened that if he did not disclose any information and I had an STD I would disclose our relationship to his boss. This terrified him, he did not only admit to the infidelity from the past business trip but something so much worse that I could ever even expect. He told me that there is a possibility that he has had genital warts for the past seven years. There was no words for the way those words hit me. How is someone so bad of a person to have UNPROTECTED sexual relations with someone they "love" and put them in that kind of risk. He apologized over and over blamed his bad behavior on his father who was also a serial cheater and subjected him to bad environments as a child.

I was absolutely devastated. I didnt sleep the whole night and showed up to my doctors office at open and pleaded for them to get me in that day. Thankfully I tested negative for everything and 6 months later still test negative and have had no signs or symptoms.

During those past few months I had limited contact with my family, which I feel horrible for and of course regret more than anything. They were not supportive of my relationship and he often encouraged me that if they couldn't respect my decisions as an adult that I should leave the moment they began to criticize me or my relationship. But now I needed them, I needed them more than ever. My family is very religious and conservative and viewed my cohabitation as living in sin. They were there for me but also met me with a large amount of judgement, criticism and humiliation. They would talk about me amongst themselves as well as other family members, I felt humiliated.

Chris was still trying to pursue my forgiveness and promised to do whatever it takes to put our family back together. He began to see a therapist to build "integrity", which after a few sessions I joined him. The therapist didn't offer much guidance to us or "integrity" to him. All she would reiterate is that if we wanted to put anything back together I would need to begin trusting him and gving him privacy again. WHATTTT??? So this is my problem that I dont trust him?!?! what about the fact that he isn't trustworthy??

The third trip to Atlanta he went alone and communicated with me constantly. I could facetime, call, text any time. He was determined to get me back and did everything he could to do so. He started to try and "buy" me back. He bought me a kitchen aid, ipad, and tinted my windows. Between my shame I felt from my family as well as Chris' efforts I decided to give him another chance. We fought a lot about what happened but also had many happy moments with the kids and it felt as if we were a happy family again. Of course that didn't last.

After a fight one night he left the house and didn't come home. This left me in a panic, I couldn't stop wondering where he was, who he was with, and if he was cheating again. When he got home the next morning of course he claimed he was doing nothing wrong and I still do not know. But I broke down about how upset I was that he didnt come home he apologized and promised it never happened again. But of course it did. If we started fighting about something totally not relevant to his infidelities he would threaten me "Do you want me to leave and go to a bar?" never actually using the words he would cheat but hinting at it enough to control my behavior but could deny the meaning later.

After the third time of him not coming home I was fed up, I packed my stuff and I left. We didnt speak for a few days then when Friday came and it was time for him to get the kids he started sending message after message about how sorry he was and were a family. He would send me pictures of the kids and our family in our happy times. He even sent me pictures of the kids waiting on the front steps waiting for me to get home. We were also still working together. I didnt want to go back to him but working with him and the kids proved to be too much and I returned.

A few weeks later I could feel him pulling away again, he would look for any reason to argue and any reason to get mad at me and he again punished me by going to a bar. We ended up talking and he said that he didn't know if he loved me anymore and needed space. Somehow he came into contact via text or internet with a girl I knew many years ago. when she realized that Chris was my boyfriend sent me screenshots of their conversation. Hours of inappropriate conversation and pictures had been exchanged between the two. I immediately (again) went to our house and he was there. I told him to get out and I packed my things. I (again) was set on never looking back. Work was unbearable. I was heartbroken and embarrassed. I couldn't stand to see him, and the fact everyone admired him infuriated me.
He started the small touches like he used when we began dating, sent me novels via text of how sorry he was and thought it was a set up, because I had done things to try and catch him in the past.He started his usual pictures of the kids and the family. I once again succumbed to my weakness or his persuasion, however you want to see it.

As always things were ok then good for a short amount of time. Then a few weeks later we were just sitting at a favorite bar of ours one night and he just broke up with me. Out of no where he just broke up with me!! I found out later he had been in communication with his ex, as well as his daughters mother, another woman and an older woman. We were separated for less than a week and when it was time to get the kids again there he was with the same song and dance. Work was miserable for me and I was looking for other jobs but couldnt find anything that would pay as well as my current job. I guess I could have turned him in and one of us would have been transferred or terminated. But I was afraid of the judgement I would receive and I loved those kids I didn't want to punish them. I knew what he was doing to me was unfair but I used the rationalization of we were broken up. Could I really be mad about something he did when we were broken up?

One time he was drinking quite heavily and got mad at me about something stupid and wanted to leave. I grabbed his keys and he bent my finger so much I was convinced it was broken. It was blue and purple from knuckle to tip, but it was my fault because I had HIS keys. Im not an angel after he got the keys from me I hit him in the face. (not proud of that whatsoever, our relationship brought out the absolute worst in me)

The funny thing is he would go through my phone, emails, facebook over and over because he could not picture me with someone else. It drove him crazy and he was always accusing me that during our times apart I was seeing someone else.

One morning he accused me of going through his phone that night and broke up with me (again). I at this point had him at such an emotional distance it barely phased me. I started acting (faking) happy at work and like I didnt even care. This drove him crazy. On a work girls night out I even met a guy, which he heard all about (our relationship was still a secret) and this pushed him over the edge. He made a date to get a drink with my best friend at work. Of course this infuriated me. Chris does not have platonic anything with a woman. When she told me I marched right up to him at work and demanded I needed to talk to him in the office. I became undone, how dare he go to that level, we always said we would keep our problems out of work. He tried to calm me down but I walked right up to my friend and told her everything. She turned us in and we were under investigation. All the scrutiny at work weirdly reunited us, and it was almost us against the world (vomit). He blamed me for the whole fiasco, because I was the one who told. Never admitted he shouldn't have made a date with my friend. (Even typing all this makes me feel so crazy)

Well we both ended up losing our jobs and were living together trying to make ends meet. We were doing alright for a while and then another stupid fight and he left this time for 2 days. I honestly couldnt even tell you what it was about. He left and lied about where he was and who he was with, this time I was so confident we were done. I didnt have to see him at work anymore. Then when time to get the kids came again he started the pursuit to get me back again. And somehow for some reason I went. We were back together for about 2 weeks and I could feel another discard coming on. Great day with the kids and we drop them off and hes standoffish acts like hes mad at me. Said he was tired of me and I didnt trust him and blah blah and needed space. I went into the other room and watched tv because I could feel another discard coming and thought if I gave him space hed calm down. He started showering and I asked him if he was going somewhere, he said "yup" and I said where and he replied "the going out place". I was fed up!! I was so tired of his shit!! sooooooo tired. I started packing, and he asked where I was going, and I explained I was done with his shadyness and lies and cheating and deceit. He claimed he was "joking" and was going to invite me, which was untrue because he had given me no time to get ready, he then left came back in about 5 minutes while I was packing saying he was just going to go get us beer. I said whatever no you werent and left.

Thats where I am right now. I really do not want to be with him and have him currently blocked. He created a facebook and added my friend from work that he asked out I guess to torture me. I'm so tired of everything. I want to be happy I want a better life but I find myself always being swept back into the craziness. Its like I cant trust my own thinking, my own reasoning and thats a scary thought.

If you actually made it through my novel of chaos and having any comments or advice, PLEASE SHARE

Sep 29 - 12AM
trouble
trouble's picture

The stare

Sep 26 - 9AM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Welcome to Narcville, Same

Sep 26 - 12AM
Pumpkin
Pumpkin's picture

Your luck won't

Pumpkin

Sep 25 - 10PM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

This guy is a complete waste of your time

Sep 25 - 10PM
pumpkinpie
pumpkinpie's picture

Welcome to the forum!! You