DONT TAKE IT PERSONAL

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#1 May 12 - 4PM
gratefuljen
gratefuljen's picture

DONT TAKE IT PERSONAL

They idealize you. They love you, admire you, worship you. You think that you have hit the jack pot. You have met your soul mate.

You commit. Maybe get married. Then the cracks start to show. And If your a person of moral fortitude, you just keep trying. Loving this person. You committed yourself, for better or worse. Yes, it's been worse for a while, but your not a quitter.

Then the D & D. A couple of times. Then real ugly abuse, emotional, spiritual, and physical. Then the pain, of losing yourself. Trying to have a relationship with someone who is sick really sick. But you don't know that yet. You just know that you have been thrown out like a piece of shit. Your heart is broke in a thousand little fragments. And we internalize this. Like there is something wrong with us.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH US, are you hearing me ladies and gents. There is absolutely nothing wrong with us. Yes we have issues. Everyone does. We were picked and hunted by a animal! Yes, he might of look like a human being, but he is not. He is a soulless, vampire, that hunts and uses people for his own purposes. He does not have qualities of a human being, such as a conscience, empathy, shame. He abides by no social norms. Marital vows mean nothing. But we don't know this yet. So, when we are devalued and discarded, we internalize it. We think there is something wrong with us. How could we have fallen for this. Ladies, the best in the mental health field are fooled by the n/p.

We have to wake up. GO NO CONTACT NO MATTER WHAT. Educate ourselves, read, read and read about NPD. Find sites like this. And HEAL.

They picked us because we have qualities that they will never have. They picked us because they are just an empty hole that needs to be fed by strong, intelligent, women with depth.

Ladies, please, educate yourselves. Go no contact. Process what has been done to you. We are worth so much more than a weak, ego driven, empty shell of a person with npd.

Love

Jen

May 16 - 3PM
momoya
momoya's picture

Great post!!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Some people with take the lead and seek out info and others will sit back and wait for it to appear before them. I have been pro-active and I am finally reaping the rewards for all my knowledge - I can actually start putting it to use! I am getting there and I can see the end. I think that one day I will be asking Lisa to delete my profile name because I am ready to leave this behind. thanks gratefuljen!

momoya

May 13 - 12PM
Journey
Journey's picture

I 100% agree

Excellent post and in my opinion, very true. If anything, I now choose to take it personally (as a compliment) that my exN regarded me to be his best main supply for so long - lol! I MUST have been GREAT supply for him to have stayed as long as he did. He saw in me many qualities that he admired and wanted to have reflected back onto himself. Poor guy, it couldn't be authentic for him though because he just doesn't have it in him. He ran away to maintain his bereft of love, barricaded, compartmentalized and empty soul, free of any responsibility to put the welfare of someone other than himself at the top of his list of priorities. THAT, has nothing to do with me and I will never blame myself again for his inability to love, care, commit, or treat another person fairly and in an emotionally healthy way.

Journey on...

May 13 - 11AM
neverlookback
neverlookback's picture

I once

told me counselor I read an article that said "dont take it personal, he would have done this to anyone", my counselor looked at me and said, YOU SHOULD TAKE IT VERY PERSONAL, it was YOU he personally did this to, I sort of agree even though I realize the message of not taking it personally is focused on he wasnt disordered with just you. So you can look at it both ways but being that I am a unique person and there is nobody in the world just like me or like any of you I took the experience very personally, it personally screwed me up, ha ha But we can not lose sight that it was NOTHING we did wrong to cause this THAT I dont take personally, I understand that will all my heart, but we each have PERSONAL recoveries to do and we each have different damages they did to us.
May 17 - 6AM (Reply to #8)
Used
Used's picture

personal

i was told by a now exff, its not personal dont take it personal, about my exn ,well i friggen did and do take it personal, b/c this same exff a few weeks later [when narc dissappeared] said he is punishing you, i said i thought it wasent personal, she said no i didnt mean it like that i said you are contradicting yourself, and yes i relized she was a narc also. i dropped her, she use to be nasty to people and say that will teach them so it is personal and for me it will always be personal.AS PERSONAL AS WHEN I DROPPED THE 2NARCS. THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING AND I TOOK IT PERSONAL AND ALWAYS WILL, THATS WHY I DROPPED THEM AND THEY APPEAR TO HAVE TAKEN IT PERSONALLY....SHAMEXXX
May 12 - 9PM
Steph
Steph's picture

gratefuljen

Such truth! You have summed it up SO well. Thank you! xoxo
May 12 - 5PM
TovaBella
TovaBella's picture

Oh so true...so so true!

gratefuljen, Thank you for this post. I needed to read this part: "They picked us because we have qualities that they will never have. They picked us because they are just an empty hole that needs to be fed by strong, intelligent, women with depth." I'm aware of this statement, but reading over and over is very powerful. TovaBella
May 12 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Great Post!

Yes, I agree. Ironically, during the final D&D my N said to me, "OW and I have more in common, more to build on. You and I are extreme opposites." Later on I'm thinking, yeah, we're extreme opposites alright. You're a pathological liar - I'm not. You don't have morals or a conscience - I do. You don't have empathy, feel guilt, remorse or regret - I do. You hurt people on purpose and actually enjoy it - I don't. You don't keep promises or have integrity - I do. You're unreliable & non-committal on EVERYthing - I'm not. You don't mean what you say or make sense when you speak or write - I do. You can't give or feel love - I can. You target & manipulate people for your own selfish needs & entertainment - I don't. You don't have a heart or a soul - I do. You're not real - I am. You're not human - I am. You're a sadistic, sick predator - I'm not.
May 13 - 9AM (Reply to #5)
Playedwithfire
Playedwithfire's picture

very nicely put SM! :)

that's one to stick up on the fridge!

Playedwithfire

May 13 - 7AM (Reply to #3)
spinning
spinning's picture

Smitten, AWESOME

list of differences! RIGHT ON!!! Jen, thank you for this very well written post. It is so very true. I wish you all a happy, joyful NARC FREE DAY! Love and light from (not) spinning!

spinning

May 13 - 7AM (Reply to #4)
Smitten Kitten (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Thank You Spinning

You too. It was this quote in the post specifically that made me think of this. "They picked us because we have qualities that they will never have. They picked us because they are just an empty hole that needs to be fed by strong, intelligent, women with depth."