Donnacht's Story

I thought i was an experienced mental health worker and have worked with clients with personality disorders but i'd never heard of a narcissistic personality disorder before i ended up in a relationship with someone i am convinced has an NPD.
With Vanda it was a case of me having feelings for her without knowing her- we used to work together and from the outset i was smitten- probably because my marriage had fallen apart. We got 'closer' until we ended up together.
My fault really as from the time we started an intimate relationship i knew she was a liar and an attention seeker but i put it down to her having low self esteem after being in a seriously abusive marriage.
The relationship followed the typical pattern of inflation-she was never going to let a man into her life again, only found the confidence to talk to men after she met me and made me out to be a savior really. But i always had warning bells ringing in the back of my mind- she said she had only ever had one sexual partner yet she had mentioned other men to colleagues etc. She even talked about a friend of hers as if he was a partner then later denied it but i had these feelings for her and couldn't rule out me being paranoid really. She contradicted herself, exposing her own lies and would then deny it with a tantrum which would cause a crisis between us. The crisis' escalated as she was wanting me to move in with her and then an ultimatum that i had to stay with her every night or we were finished. I chose the latter as by that point i just didn't believe a word she was saying anymore, realsied i didn't know who she was as i thought her biography was false (largely verified as such since) as she had no emotonal connection to it and it kept changing, a never ending series of drama's and crisis- she couldn't sleep from stress as i wasn't staying with her everynight (sleeping pills i never saw) wasn't eating for the same reason- then became type 2 diabetic (so no insulin to prove it) so it was even more important she ate properly and she would still claim she wasn't. Later i found out she had been telling people one of her sons was diabetic and then the next week she was- i wonder whether there is an element of muchausens there too.
By that point she was saying she couldn't see me during the day as often as one of her colleagues was bullying her into doing joint visits (this person was a friend of mine until she drove a wedge between us- saying this other person wanted a lesbian relationship with her and was bullying her when she found out about us). Anyway i left her- she told me to 'do one' and then a few days later got back in touch and a few weeks of over the top love and fluffy texts and saying she was going back to her husband as she was never going to give her heart to anyone else (in essence telling me she was going to get beaten and raped for the rest of her life because of me) trying to get me to go back and then around 3 weeks after i left her i get an abusive text message from my former friend (mentioned earlier) to which i replied in an equally abusive manner detailing what Vanda had told me she said and after a phone conversation lasting about 45 minutes we both realised she had turned us against each other and i was told Van had been telling people i was controlling and abusive in the relationship and that i had been threatening and harassing her since we split up so she was going to have to move and change her phone number- and at the same time she was telling me how she loved me and what i brought into her life. I then cut off contact with her and threatened her with legal action if she contacted me again. I went straight to a solicitor as i had kept all the text messages during this period i was supposed to be acting like this. The solicitor sent her a letter advising that i would sue her for slander if she carried on. I then went a bit overboard maybe and sent a copy of this letter to her manager as i still have dealings with this organisation, sent it to some other people i thought she might tell and then informed her husband what she had been saying about him too. Then to top it all off a few weeks after i noticed a rash around my genitals which turned out to be molluscum and had that frozen off. Its not an STI as such but given where i got it it was contracted through skin contact during sex so she had been cheating on me anyway. Been tested for everything else and all clear and i've not heard from her since. Knowing the whole thing was false from the outset is the hardest part- at least in a normal relationship gone wrong you can have some happy memories afterwards. I really can't say i want to let anyone that close again- i know i will be paranoid letting anyone else get close again- maybe i will ask for references first next time!
If you're feeling low don't get involved and there's a reason for the saying 'too good to be true'. Rant over- 'takes a deep breath' :) Try not to think about killing your ex'es- in all likelihood someone else will do it for you X