Does the time come when it's a good idea to take a break from this for awhile?

if you had skin cancer...and were reading everything you could about skin cancer, and studying cures and treatments..you wouldn't think twice about it... but you have a case of cancer of the soul, as the result of a Narc....and you find yourself wondering if you are 'obsessing'....i don't think Joe that these are necessarily you own thoughts...but ideas tht society projects onto us.....it's OK to be a CANCER VICTIM...but no the victim of a predator...that's how most of society feels...and they project that onto us...don't buy into it...you area victim..and you have a right to 'get over' in your own good time...don't let other people hold a stopwatch...BTDT...

I had an issue with my last therapist (He said something with a very blame the victim mentality) and then I had to change up my health insurance. Now that everything is pretty much straightened out, I will be able to find a new therapist this month. If I didn't refer to this site, what my last therapist said might have hurt my healing, so I'll probably keep on this board until I'm more settled in with a new therapist who really gets victims of NPD. When I first started, it was an everyday, all day thing for me. I was crying and immobilized pretty much for almost 2 months. I would go out with friends, but I too lost my job in August. After working straight for 3 years, working was part of my identity. When the last N left, I was shattered emotionally. It was like, wow, bad enough I'm struggling with my self-esteem after having lost my job and not being able to find another. I really needed an N who I was falling in love with to D&D me? When I found Lisa's book I actually cried a little reading it at the Barnes & Noble, joined the board and I haven't cried over him since! It's like everything came to a stop in December and when I started here, the wheels began to spin again. Still squeeky, but everyday, moving faster and faster. Reading Eat Prey Love helped a lot! I'm also doing yoga at least once a week and I've scheduled a nice vacation at the end of May to look forward to! I've taken breaks away from this board, but I still think about my N everyday and although I know I would never NEVER take him back and I'm so blessed to not be with him, I still need the reminder because I do fall into a pattern of thinking about the past and I get the urge sometimes to check up on him on FB. I had to break the compulsion back in January. I blocked him. This helped, but when I feel like looking him up, instead, I look here. February was some real progress for me professionally and I am so proud of the work I did this month. I got a few freelance jobs here and there and I made some important contacts. I've also been advancing my skills, volunteering more and I'm taking a psych course online. Writing helps me as well. I didn't get closure with the N. There really is no such thing as closure with one, so it helps to express myself here and connect with people who know what I'm feeling and are going through it with me. My friends don't get it. They think my N was just a normal guy and that's what guys do.

i really don't..is this a question about others on this board, or about yourself??... this question is sort of like sitting at a table eating, then asking someone else if YOU are full or not...

I've been away from my N for ten months now. In the beginning I came to this board several times a day, and it was a great help. It was also a good place to come whenever I had the temptation to make contact with him, or if I started to miss him. When I would come here and read I lost the desire to have anything to do with him. Now that many months have past, I no longer come to this site as often. Sometimes reading the stories of others opens old wounds, or causes me to go back and remember my N doing those things to me. These wounds have started to heal, but can still be irritated. I suppose I will always have the scars, but hope that when the healing is complete I will be made tougher and smarter for the future. I do not feel anything anymore when I think about N, except disgust at what he did to me. If he was sitting next to me right now there would be no attraction, no desire, just an emptiness and this realization that he is a stranger to me. I do not need this forum the way I used to, but it is nice to know it is here in times of weakness or on bad days. It also serves to reinforce and immunize me against any future/potential contact with N, because he can pop up again at anytime---- just like an irksome cold sore.

This question makes me feel better about my whole situation. It makes me see that we all have futures. Whether or not Ns are surrounding us (and chances are we will encounter some form of N on a pretty routine basis since the mothership dumped her load). We make the future. So, even if N is there, guess what so am I. I am finally avle to say 'I matter'. I don't think I would feel that way if I were still with him. I am going to pat myself on the back here: I've been out 15 months. I come to this site less often than I used to but still multiple times per week. Tonight I stood right beside him (N) to pick up my daughter. Right beside him. I felt nothing. A little nervous but did not feel any attachment whatsoever. Also I had recently read the psychologist's report which characterizes him as 'Narsissistic and histrionic'. He and I both know what it says. I could have laughed at him. I could have made some smart remark. I could have made fun of him in some subtle way referring to what the psych had found and written in pretty harsh terms. But I said nothing. I pretended he wasn't there. I focused on when I could hug my little one. I focused on her big brown eyes and her dimples! I thought about how the weight of her in my arms would feel. At this point I feel like I should come here to give a praise report but not sulk in my hatred for him. You all know he's worthy of the hate just like I know the same about your N/P/S's. But I really enjoy coming here and receiving encouragement. I know I should praise others more for their accomplishments. You are all coming along in your own time. I hate that part about being a victim. I get wrapped up in my story. So I'm slowly taking steps to heal but I'm not there yet I don't really ever see myself calling the process 'done'. There's always room for improvement IMHO. Also I feel like I owe something to this website. Lisa and Barbara have an awesome thing going here and I don't want to just turn around and say 'thanks but I'm out'. I feel a sense of duty. I want to 'be there' for others bc I 'get it'. I have started volunteering at church. I've always just done children's ministry but now I'm branching out to help furnish homes and I hope to become involved in a transitional housing project for abused women. Small steps tho. I'm not divorced yet and still trying to pay lawyers. Bottom line is...I love it here...I'm safe.... http://hubpages.com/hub/Married-to-a-Narcissist?preview nolongercontrolled

Hi Joe, There have been days when I just didn't want to deal with the subject too. So I stayed away. I don't talk about it to my friends, as they don't understand. I found this site more helpful than therapy. If it wasn't for this site, I would have gone into deep depression thinking it was me. The person I was involved with was a text book narcissist. If I hadn't researched the subject, I would have never known what I was dealing with. I found out after the fact, but it answered a lot of questions. If you feel you need to give your mind a break. Do so. Keep yourself busy. Pat yourself on the back that you got away. Feel good about you. You were not to blame! Best of luck, Sean

Hi Serene, I also find I'm spending less time here. I hope it's a sign that we're doing better. I'm thinking toward the future. Yes, I still have my shakey days...but they're less frequent. Nicer weather will be here soon and I'll be spending more time outdoors. The beauty of nature has a way of healing us too. I'm finding that spending time with friends helps me forget. Also taking on more home improvement projects focuses me. We had the unfortunate luck to meet the wrong person. The thing to remember...they're someone elses problem now. All my best, Sean

JoeP if you feel like you need a brake, you need a brake. I think you should do whatever it is you feel like doing. Our minds and bodies are really smart, they know what they need. If we are craving a food, our body probably needs the nutrients in that food. The same goes for our emotions; if your mind is craving a brake from this information, that’s what you need.

Here is a good article about when to leave the boards http://narcissism-support.blogspot.com/2009/01/healing-leaving-net.html

I have spent exactly one week on NPD.... learning as much as I can. I just learned about it LAST Sunday. I am happy I am going on a week vacation on Tuesday.... my mind needs a rest from all of this. I guess it is a part of the cognitive dissonance that I have been going through! I am glad I foud this board... I am much less crazy!

All depends on the individual's state of mind I would suppose. Whether or not they have any outside interests that they also spend time on (job, family, yardwork, other interests) to take a break from the topic of Narcissistic Personality Disorders. I can tell you personally I get a real kick out of some of the stuff that is said around here, some folks have a brilliant sense of humor and it might be the best (or only) laugh I have all day. I also really enjoy encouraging others around here whenever possible, especially newbies, who are very fragile and REALLY seem to benefit from hearing a supportive comment from someone else who understands the pain they are feeling when the mental wound is fresh and very painful......... and their newfound knowledge of the Narcissist Personality Disorder phenomenon is newly learned of, mysterious, and bewildering. I like to help those people because I remember how I felt at that time, and the pain and suffering I was experiencing when I was at the end of my rope with the Narcissists and Psychopaths in my life. It was absolutely DEVASTATING until I found this website. All the best!