Does He Ever Recall Events As If You Weren't There?

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#1 Oct 16 - 12PM

Anonymous (not verified)

Does He Ever Recall Events As If You Weren't There?

What the fuck is this all about? The few times I've run into the xN, and we were able to speak in a civil manner toward one another, he would talk about events, could have been totally day to day mundane things, as if I were hearing about this for the first time ever. I can't cite a specific example off hand, but I lived with him for 5 of the 7 years we were together...I was a part of everything relating to every day life (well, with the exception of the alleged cheating, that is)

Not to be confusing anyone here, but it's like he was speaking to me as if we were meeting for the first time. It is totally weird.

I have no idea what that is all about.

So, after obsessing about it (that's par for the course!), a few things occurred to me as possibly being the impetus behind it:

1. His subtle way of telling me I'm not noteworthy enough to associate with the last 5 years of his life? (in a way, still devaluing me)

2. After so many months of lying to himself about the demise of our relationship and revising the history to fit his acceptable version of events, is it possible he really now sees his version as reality?

3. That I had no real significance in his life for the years we were together?

Seriously, I'm totally thrown by this oddity...any insight would be really appreciated!

#2 Oct 17 - 11PM

ready2receive

read about this...

I read about this very issue in a book about Ns. It seems that they seem to put all of their ex's into one "ideal mate" - you were never an individual to him. So an N will mix up traits of past partners. And, I've read, that they do not have a sense of the passage of time since their life is more like a script. So they may tell you a story about something that recently happened to them (invariable it involves them receiving supply from someone) and it may have really happened 10 years ago. I remember on several occassions stopping my N during an argument and asking him who he was arguing with...me or his ex? He would expect me to react in the ways he told me she reacted. Now, of course, I see that was just his version of their interactions. It is pure insanity, but at least they are predictable.

#3 Oct 17 - 7PM

foreverfun1

or maybe it's a coping

or maybe it's a coping mechanism for when they cheat and can't recall what they did with who. mine would refer to something he did with me when it wasn't me he did it with at all!

#4 Oct 17 - 4PM

Deidre40

alright that's it. we dated

alright that's it. we dated the same man. :=P

#5 Oct 17 - 6PM (Reply to #17)

Syren66 (not verified)

You want to buy the burlap

You want to buy the burlap bag?...or shall I?.... :D

#6 Oct 17 - 6PM (Reply to #18)

Done sourcing

I don,t care who you are,

I don,t care who you are, that's funny there! Ds

#7 Oct 17 - 7PM (Reply to #19)

Syren66 (not verified)

:D

#8 Oct 16 - 7PM

ssm

D&D

I completely agree with everyone on this one, that is exactly how I am getting through this, each time I try with my compassionate heart (whats left of it), or my rational mind (whats left of it) I cant comprehend how they even FUNCTION. But, just as most everyone said, I think of it on terms of EMPTY SOUL. Its funny, that HE actually told me that his ex, said he was a "GHOST". Funny, I never understood that at the time. He is indeed a true appartion, and most of these soul suckers...are. I think the more I try to understand, just for sanity sake the more it makes my head spin. We are just not programmed to understand the evil mind perhaps? I am even a psychology student and can not fathom this anomoly.

#9 Oct 16 - 6PM

Done sourcing

I noticed the exwn talked to

I noticed the exwn talked to me many times after the d and d as if we had only been acquanted through friendship before. Simply put, I was a supply plug, currently unplugged. They look like us, but they are disordered, processing everything through a disordered mind. New persona is active, the old one retired and mostly forgotten...I don't think they were truly ever there (or is it here,lol). Humbling to accept...our lives joined with an apparition. An emptiness that has de-materialized back into the mist. Hard to reconcile the reality with the fantasy. Ds

#10 Oct 16 - 7PM (Reply to #14)

Syren66 (not verified)

'talked to me many times

'talked to me many times after the d and d as if we had only been acquanted through friendship before' EXACTLY! And I'm looking at him like...are you fucking stupid?!? One of the last conversations we had...rather one of the last conversations HE had...was him talking about nothing but him...no "how are you?", just all about him. I put my cigarette out and walked away while he was in mid-sentence...he's like "where are you going?!"...and I replied with..."there's a brick wall behind you that can't wait to hear the rest of your story"...Jaysus!

#11 Oct 16 - 6PM

Sparrow

Syrene, this is how they are

Syrene, this is how they are unfortunately. I equate them to goldfish. They swim in their tank, get to the end, spin around, and say, "wow! How cool is this place! ". Continue swimming, get to the other end, spin around, and say " wow! How cool is this place". Seriously, they have the brains of a goldfish. Kind of like the fish in "Finding Nemo". What was her name? Dora? Although my narcs are both highly intelligent men, they have a very lax memory. And you will find, it is really by choice. They program themselves that way. They have programmed themselves in every way, their memory is no different.

#12 Oct 17 - 4PM (Reply to #12)

ash5233

so nice to hear this

Mine was the same way. I always excused it by saying, oh he's so busy at work, or there's so much going on in his life. He would tell me the same things over and over, and I'd have to do the same with him. I believe the lax memory really is by choice...if it does not benefit him in some way, it's irrelevant to him.

#13 Oct 16 - 4PM

Tigerlily

I`d agree with Hunter 100%

and would just like to add that they have no sense of time either. It`s possible that he just doesn`t remember a lot of what passed between you. The first thing a tyrant does when he comes to power is rewrite history! I wouldn`t apply it to you or your relationship at all, if I were you - it`s all about him! Hugs Tigerlily

#14 Oct 16 - 1PM

Hunter

A psychopath has no

A psychopath has no identity.. They mirror and adjust their persona to each and every individual in their life .. They are a body with no soul.. A psychopath when interacting will take a minute evaluate his company and adjust his image accordingly!!! This is not about you.. You are giving him too much credit.. You are humanizing a non human!! Hunter

#15 Oct 16 - 1PM (Reply to #8)

Syren66 (not verified)

So basically, I've been

So basically, I've been dealing with an emotional retard for 7 years? LOL!

#16 Oct 16 - 2PM (Reply to #9)

Hunter

That would be correct!!! If

That would be correct!!! If they only had a brain!!! Hunter

#17 Oct 16 - 12PM

Nutzie17

It's all about the lies!

I think he just can't remember because he was in the lie at the time. They are so fake, they can't remember who, what or where or when. Fuckhead, would tell me something about someone else,and I was the person who told him or I was the person who was there. Un(fuckin')believable,right! They're just nuts!!

#18 Oct 17 - 6PM (Reply to #6)

mystwoman

These narcs are such clones.

These narcs are such clones. Xnh would do this all the time. He would tell me stories that I had told him, and then he would deny that I was the one that told him (he actually couldn't remember WHO told him). Xnh would, also, tell me about events that happened even though I was sitting RIGHT NEXT TO HIM when it happened. When I'd say, "Yes, I know. I was THERE.", xnh would act confused. I'm guessing that, beyond xnh's own ego, no one else was important enough for him to notice. rofl. Xnh lips flapped with so much verbal diarrhea that he couldn't possibly remember everything he said. His mouth is a steady torrent of b.s. He even talks in his sleep. I actually used to joke with people when they'd politely stand by waiting for a break in the conversation, "If you're waiting for xnh to come up for air. Don't. You'll die of asphyxiation LONG before he ever stops talking. He'll probably continue talking after he's dead. Just butt in and interrupt him." You're right. They're just nuts.

______________________________________________________
God sometimes removes a person from your life for your protection. Don't run after them.

#19 Oct 16 - 12PM (Reply to #4)

Used

bklyn52

yep, you jogged my memory, he would start telling me something,and i would say i know this i told you, he would say no you did'nt, so i would finish the ending...he would say OH...but when he knew i was going off him,he began to say things like..remember that great day we had at such and such, remember that great resturant we went to, you loved it ..and thinking back he not only did this but we became WE...we thought that didn't we, we wouldnt like that would we....oohhhh,how spooky.....yuk

#20 Oct 16 - 1PM (Reply to #5)

Syren66 (not verified)

Yours seems to do it with a

Yours seems to do it with a sense of malice...I don't get that feeling with mine...but mine is very VERY self-centered, that much I will say.

#21 Oct 16 - 12PM

Used

its either number 2...or wait

its either number 2...or wait for it!!!!!! HE IS ALL ME,ME,ME...so why we he mention you at all...sorry...

#22 Oct 16 - 1PM (Reply to #2)

Syren66 (not verified)

I'm agreein' with ya Used! He

I'm agreein' with ya Used! He did this again at a mutual friend's house a couple months ago...he made another one of those connections to the everyday life while I was sitting there as if I'd never heard this before...and I'm like..."yah - I know...I lived it for five years"...my friend, who's known him for 30 years, was laughing her ass off at him. Subject dropped.

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